The divorce thread

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Mostly Harmless
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Re: The divorce thread

Post by Mostly Harmless »

It's sad when a relationship goes FUBAR.

Fucked Up By A Ring.
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FOD
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Re: The divorce thread

Post by FOD »

Even if you don't marry, isn't there that family law that considers that couples living together for 3 years are automatically considered to be common law with the same rights/spousal support consequences as non-married couples?

http://www.legalline.ca/legal-answers/c ... -break-up/

So what do you do about that, change partner every 3 years :mrgreen:
There's a big difference. In common law, whoever bought or acquired the property keeps it. Under our heavily biased and antiquated Canadian Marital Law (except quebec) ANYTHING acquired while married is equally shared among spouses; regardless of conduct while married. For example, you and your spouse both work, earn roughly the same amount and both manage your own finances. One spouse is a diligent saver saving for retirement and living debt free, the other spouse contributes minimum to household costs, does not save for retirement, and spends all their money on personal gratification, while accumulating massive personal debt. When the eventual breakdown happens. The deadbeat with debt is an out and out winner, having the LEGAL ENTITLEMENT to half of the other spouses net worth while the faithful spouse will be saddled with the debt of the dead beat spouse.

Gentlemen, do your research before entering into this absurd legal arrangement.

FOD
Learn about the mask, if it ever comes off......run.
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5x5
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Re: The divorce thread

Post by 5x5 »

If this thread represents the feelings of a broader group, then I am truly depressed. In the example above there are a number of things that are expressed as though they are common. First, why would each person in a supposed union manage their money independently? They're supposed to be in it together. And even if they choose to, why would they not discuss the behaviour of each other and work toward common goals? A marriage is supposed to be much more than just being roommates.

Should there be a joint decision that one person stays home to look after the children it has to be viewed that they are contributing just as much, if not more, than the person that makes money.

Job relocation, promotions, career changes have to be joint decisions and can only be effective if there is a true commitment to a life-long partnership. This takes a lot of work, a lot of give and take and a willingness on both sides to give as well as take.

So many people these days seem to enter marriage as something that is temporary and only really committed to until something disappoints them or they feel stifled in some way. Marriage is all about shared success - both yours as well as your partner, and also shared commitment to overcome the disappointments - together. So many people say "You're so lucky" when they hear someone has been married 40 years. It's not luck - it's hard work and commitment. Which I guess is the real problem for so many people these days.
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lazyeight
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Re: The divorce thread

Post by lazyeight »

If you look only for your partner to fulfill you, your relationships will fail. Humans are inherently selfish people and you can't find your satisfaction in others. It's sad to see so many people I've known end their relationships because they never understood this.
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cncpc
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Re: The divorce thread

Post by cncpc »

5x5 wrote:If this thread represents the feelings of a broader group, then I am truly depressed. In the example above there are a number of things that are expressed as though they are common. First, why would each person in a supposed union manage their money independently? They're supposed to be in it together. And even if they choose to, why would they not discuss the behaviour of each other and work toward common goals? A marriage is supposed to be much more than just being roommates.

Should there be a joint decision that one person stays home to look after the children it has to be viewed that they are contributing just as much, if not more, than the person that makes money.

Job relocation, promotions, career changes have to be joint decisions and can only be effective if there is a true commitment to a life-long partnership. This takes a lot of work, a lot of give and take and a willingness on both sides to give as well as take.

So many people these days seem to enter marriage as something that is temporary and only really committed to until something disappoints them or they feel stifled in some way. Marriage is all about shared success - both yours as well as your partner, and also shared commitment to overcome the disappointments - together. So many people say "You're so lucky" when they hear someone has been married 40 years. It's not luck - it's hard work and commitment. Which I guess is the real problem for so many people these days.
Nicely said, but probably an unwelcome intrusion of reason into this thread. LOL.
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beaverbob
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Re: The divorce thread

Post by beaverbob »

Well, I have been a full time working pilot for 45 years. I have been married to the same understanding and loyal wife for nearly 44 of them. However, I passed up any flying that would take me away from home for longer terms and some years in the 70's and 80's I was away for a maximum of two or three days at a time in a logging camp. We are still happily married and I am still, at 66, flying full time. So yes, it can be done.
Bob
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digits_
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Re: The divorce thread

Post by digits_ »

5x5 wrote:So many people say "You're so lucky" when they hear someone has been married 40 years. It's not luck - it's hard work and commitment. Which I guess is the real problem for so many people these days.
You're so lucky your partner wants to work on it and commit to it as much as you want.
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pelmet
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Re: The divorce thread

Post by pelmet »

cncpc wrote: Nicely said, but probably an unwelcome intrusion of reason into this thread. LOL.
Could be reasonable in terms of a relationship but it is inevitable that a certain percentage of marriages will be unsuccessful. Whe laws are blatantly made that give a certain gender a massive financial unfair benefit, people get upset. And many take preventative action to secure and enjoy their OWN money. As a general statement. It can't be an enjoyable feeling cutting that large monthly cheque to someone you particularly don't like and who made wild, false allegations and tried to do everything to prevent you from seeing the kids.
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Last edited by pelmet on Mon Aug 08, 2016 11:57 am, edited 1 time in total.
gowest
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Re: The divorce thread

Post by gowest »

Well done Beaver Bob, that is truly inspiring.

It really is a matter of priority.

cheers
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vrrotate
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Re: The divorce thread

Post by vrrotate »

I remember and old guy married 50 or 60 years asked if he and his wife had ever thought about divorce. His reply was "Divorce? Never! Murder yes but divorce never".
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neptune
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Re: The divorce thread

Post by neptune »

Excellent post by 5x5 and that is really the crux of the matter. There are no easy routes.
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