The truth about Yellowknife airport security...

[Donald]

I read this on someone's blog, and I thought it was bang on...

Blog

Friday, March 14, 2008
The Truth about Airports

Hello Everyone,
The trip is over and the reflections must begin, the first of which is the joy of airports. I always believed I loved travel, especially air travel. My opinion has becomed refined since we started traveling with Christopher, travelling with children is never fun, that is my final analysis, no way around it but between the age of mobility and the age of understanding there lies a difficult period best spent away from airports and airplanes. Which is why (secretly) I was looking forward to traveling on my own as a person who could enjoy the experience. The truth that became readily apparent to me was that airports for the most part are the bane of air travel. Their existance can be compared to being in line at the supermarket but instead of waiting for the person before you, you are waiting for a "flexible" point in time, thus taking away the feeling of progress as you watch that elderly lady with 400 items who wants to pay by cheque and doesn't speak english who stands two people before you. Your waiting for the boarding call, watching a screen change and anxiously hoping you`re next. For the moment let me digress.
The airport in Inuvik is a northern airport, meaning there is no real security, no ID needs be presented, no removing everything from your pockets, body scans etc. It does have a restaurant which is a unexpected joy for northern airports, but no gift shops, book store's, etc, but it does have the "manditory" broken water fountain. Overall, a nice little airport which can focus itself towards every plane that arrives, giving you a overall feeling of progress.
The Airport in Yellowknife however is a different creature, a mean creature that strives to destroy the passing traveller with the "official" rules of air travel. Now, I must establish that I am totally unaware of the operating budget for this facility but my personal opinion is that it exceeds needs by about 500,000 dollars. The plane I arrived on was a 737 about 3/4 full, with half of those people remaining in Yellowknife. Since, we are travelling to a sourthern airport we are forced to deplane and go through security before being able to continue our journey. So forty people have to go through security, let`s say the southern average time to go through this procedure nears the two minute mark, and this airport has two metal detection gates. Yes, two gates and two x-ray machines. Seems adequate for a airport of its size. I run outside for a quick smoke then get into the line for security screening. While standing in line I notice all the doors in the airport are equipped with card readers and biometric iris scanners ... "strange" thinks I, as I await my turn at the front of the line. I don't remember ever actually seeing these devices in southern airports yet but the five doors I encounter all have them. when I enter the screening room.. eventually I turn the corner and see something I never expected, two machines, two X-Rays and 27... yes count them 27 security personel. All "assisting" with the check through procedure. So, that many people must be kept busy, I put my belongings in the lovely grey bins to pass under the inspection of the 4 people watching the X-ray machine, I have no metal of any sort on my body so I pass cleanly through the metal detector, where the first officer does the usual wand test cause the machine is probably broken, since he did not find anything, I am passed to the next officers. Since I have passed through two metal detectors obviuosly there are some real concerns about me and I get passed to the next stages, 4 officers awaiting my arrival, smiling reassuringly. I am instructed to remove my belt (which I am not wearing) and my shoes. The belt officer seems dejected but the shoe people are estatic and perform a extremely thorough shoe inspection that would make a fetishist jealous. The officer who remains convinced that metal detectors don`t work starts a extensive pat down in search of the ceramic polymer weapon he seems adamant I must have, at this point the belt guy seems to take renewed interest as he now jumps in to pat down my dorsal half, and this was a thorough pat down, to the extent that it rivaled most of my grade 9 groping sessions in the back of the library. These gentlemen, being very dissapointed that their inspection did not reveal me to be the head of the "Northern Liberation Army" start to turn their attention to their next victim while I glance towards the 4 officers studiously looking at my jacket going through the x-ray machine, still on the first item so there is little hope that I can retrieve my wallet in the near future, so I cannot offer a tip to the two officers who have just done as much as they can to make my stay in Yellowknife a pleasure. Then what I must think of as the right foot and left foot inspectors are still examining my shoes like they are made of C4 tied together with thermite cord.
My Jacket has arrived at its next stop, the trace detector, and apparently this gentleman is convinced he will discover the truth the other have failed to about my real identity. He swabbed my coat, I can't believe he swabbed my coat, now I'm having some real concerns here, I`ve used that coat while shooting as little as two weeks ago, so this guy is going to bust me down to the fifty guys who must be hiding in the basement for me. My camera arrives, my camera is swabbed, my lenses are swabbed my tripod is swabbed the case is swabbed, my lens filter are studied closely, my camera is released and the guy asks to see my jacket again. I suppose he felt dejected as he makes me remove my jacket and this time swabs the ipod and book in my pocket.
Anyways, I`m tired of this conversation and starting to get flabbergasted again, so I`ll leave this topic here for tonight.
Take Care.
CG

[just curious]

Donald,

Sorry you didn't go through when they go up to full staffing levels.

For added fun, try going through YZF with a RAIC card. They generally like to use the "probe" for those fortunate few. They keep it outside.

The airport in Inuvik is a northern airport, meaning there is no real security, no ID needs be presented, no removing everything from your pockets, body scans etc. It does have a restaurant which is a unexpected joy for northern airports, but no gift shops, book store's, etc, but it does have the "manditory" broken water fountain. Overall, a nice little airport which can focus itself towards every plane that arrives, giving you a overall feeling of progress.

It's fixed.

[Red Line]

So true!! YZF always astonished me for this. As if a little old 737 from nowhere is going to be the subject of a terrorist attack.

[Donald]

Donald,

Sorry you didn't go through when they go up to full staffing levels.

I was just posting an excerpt from another person's blog. I have experienced the bad, the worse, and the truly awful of the YZF security. When I am working and using the bypass, there is no issue. But if deadheading or travelling as a passenger, I get the "random" pat-down almost everytime.

The best part is, I know several of the people that work security, from their other jobs around town. They just look away and pretend not to notice as a goverment validated molestation occurs.

[BGPrintingLTD]

From my experience of air travel in Canada, I notice most small airports are like this in the security department.

Too many resources standing around doing nothing. When people do come through they are off to the races, like trying to excuse yourself from a conversation with an older person who doesnt see anyone all day. All to board a 20 seat airplane to no where. My take is theyre bored.
Now at any major center I find its a matter of getting people out. If the metal thing doesn't buzz you are free to go.

[Flybabe]

Haven't been to YZF for awhile but I CAN tell you that the teminal in Old Crow (yes, Old Crow - YOC ) is very secure. You need an electronic pass key to enter from airside. We all know that YOC is in a very sensitive area in regards to terrorist entry.

The terminal in YXY has a full time "Boxkeeper" - god forbid if you do so much as hang a wing tip over the line if you taxi by. He drives a green car, which is kept ready for action unless they have their Kubota "mule" (or whatever it is) running. Again - we all know the Yukon is a hotbed for terrorist activity.

I think I know what my next job will be, I want that Kubota.

[Liquid Charlie]

What can I say -- they are prepared --

[MrWings]

From my experience of air travel in Canada, I notice most small airports are like this in the security department.

I have to agree.

Is Al-Qaeda clever enough to recruit a young white couple and give them a perfect replica of a 150ml tube of Crest toothpaste that is actually an explosive? And will it further their "cause" to convince this couple to take down a Dash 8, along with their two small children, over Northern Alberta?

Someone must think so. That tube of toothpaste was taken away.

[Chuck Ellsworth]

I'm thinking of selling toothpaste tubes just for these security issues.

The toothpaste will be laced with camel sh.t just in case someone from security takes it home to use it.

[maxofthenorth]

A few years ago in YFB someone must have gotten the security memos mixed up as they were only screening the flight crews. The pilots would all get the pat down, while all 19 pax we were taking out to the plane all waited and watched..... no search for them. We used to have to hand our leathermen to the pax and get them to carry it through security and they would give it back to us on the other side. I still can not figure that on out after all these years.

[NJ]

A pilot I know was being searched at an airport and asked the security people what they were looking for in his flight bag. "We're looking for something that can take down a plane," the security guy replied. So the pilot just looked at both his hands and shook his head.

[husky]

I don't think you understand why a pilot can't have a leatherman. What if the pilot decides to hijack his own plane, by slitting his own throat, and crashing his plane into the tundra for the glory of ALLAH!. Don't you guys realize this is why flight crew needs to be searched?

[200hr Wonder]

Please husky... I would just use the fire ax on the back of the seat.

As for toothpaste... I think bacon flavored would do the trick... now with real bacon... no terrorist would have THAT!

[randallg]

I have never been inspected more thoroughly than at Ft St John heading for YVR on a Jazz CRJ. I had my laptop with me and they gave it the swab treatment. What the hell are they even looking for? Explosives?

[mattas350]

When I was in Australia it was in ummmm Sydney (I think) I had passed through the x-ray/metal detector and was selected for the random explosives scan where they swabbed my jacket, pants, carry on's woulda been the second time for me in Oz to have that explosives test done on me, well heres the funny part...i got called over to the explosives testing area...then the security officer suddenly said just before he started the testing "its your lucky day..move on" then preceded to inform the lady behind me in line that she was selected for the testing...she was quite attractive...

[canpilot]

Oh god!

YZF secuirity..where to begin... I had to go through with my RAIC (YVR) on me as I was working as soon as I got off the plane. And as well all know, somtimes your stuff doesen't get there. Anyways..YZF took the liberty of swabbing my RAIC, examining it ..then x-raying the thing. Laptop was pulled swabbed and contents of my carry on were checked. Does a P.O.H in a binder look like a bomb? All the while with the CATSA commandant barking orders at me.

Socks, shoes, toque, sweater off to top it off!

I really have to question the intelligence of these people. Seriously, which planet are they from?

[Rudder Bug]

In YZF they found and confiscated a pair of hex keys in my parka pocket, one 1/8 and one 3/32 for my PV Tracer guitar. Its a well known fact that most of the YZF cab drivers are active Al Quaeda members and frequently highjack the northern flights with a 3/32 Alan key.

[Hoov]

Come to think of it, last time I went through YZF security, I was very firmly groped. It was weird.

[Donald]

Was it the old guy?

[backon3]

Just prior to my first waterbombing season I went on vacation and decided to take along a little light reading. Imagine the CATSA rejects when they saw my red duotang marked "Bombing Manual"!! Yellowknife is a joke, just like the random aircrew screening they used to have for non-secure flights. Idiots.