There is a good but rather ernest thread on landings in the flight training forum. It got me thinking about some funny landing stories so I thought I would post a couple and see if anyone else wanted to pile on.
One day I happened to be standing next to the flying club counter when a fellow who had just got his PPL arrived to sign his airplane back in. He had taken his wife and 4 yr old boy for their first flight, so I asked the boy how he liked it. He was really enthusiastic and the best part he said was the landing... quote "the plane went bouncy,bouncy,bouncy.... it was fun ! " unquote
I had a very good but very gruff old school x-military pilot teaching me for my Instructor rating. After a particularly pathetic cross wind landing he said "Son that was a real hound dog landing"
Whats that I replied ?
He said " Its when the tyres go YELP,YEEEEELP,YELP.YELP "
On the occasions that we bounce our landing, I always tell passengers that "landings are on special today, two for the price of one!" That usually gets them to laugh it off.
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Flying airplanes is easy, you just need to PAY ATTENTION. Finding a good job on the other hand takes experience, practice, and some serious talent.
after a rather firm arrival, executed by the training captain I was flying with, his fourteen year old son who was in the back for the flight said "dad did you land or were we shot down?" I just about pissed myself laughing.
I had a bit of an impact after which one of the drill pigs asks I,
"do you need any help"?
I says, "help, help with what"?
"picking up the pieces of airplane you left on the runway" says he.......cheeky bastard!!!!
After starting a new job on a transport-category A/C, I figured I was pretty hot stuff. I flew with a new Captain who I had never flown with before. He gave me the first leg to Hay River. He must have heard from the other Captains what great landings I had been having. Winds were calm with clear skies...it was the perfect opportunity for me to show him one of my standard greasers...after all - I had over 50 hours on the A/C (yes folks - sarcasm is on thick). Not only was it the worst landing(s) I've had on the A/C ever (to this day), there were some big frost heaves near the 1500' markers of the runway which catapulted/launched us into the air again AFTER the second bounce. With a barely-heard chuckle, the Captain announced "can't win 'em all". I silently finished up the after-landing checks and slouched into my not-so-comfortable seat. It was warm. Perhaps it was the glow of my face heating up the cockpit. The way we parked on the ramp had all the pax walking in front of the A/C. Watching each face pass by, I noticed out of the corner of my eye that my Captain was tying his shoe. Not thinking twice, I lost interest in watching our pax, and started getting the A/C ready for the next leg. Captain tying other shoe. Captain bending down cleaning floor at his feet. "What are you doing?" I asked. And...ego gone in 3...2...1..."I know a helluva lotta people in Hay River, and none of them are gonna see me at the front of this airplane!!!". Hmmm...Can't win 'em all.
Hanger talk or urban legend, heard a story, about after a particularly bad landing. The Flight attendant announced, welcome to CY.. after Captain Kangaroo parks whats left of our aircraft at the gate be extra careful when opening the bins as I'm sure some of your things will be eager to see you....
young grasshopper wrote:After starting a new job on a transport-category A/C, I figured I was pretty hot stuff. I flew with a new Captain who I had never flown with before. He gave me the first leg to Hay River. He must have heard from the other Captains what great landings I had been having. Winds were calm with clear skies...it was the perfect opportunity for me to show him one of my standard greasers...after all - I had over 50 hours on the A/C (yes folks - sarcasm is on thick). Not only was it the worst landing(s) I've had on the A/C ever (to this day), there were some big frost heaves near the 1500' markers of the runway which catapulted/launched us into the air again AFTER the second bounce. With a barely-heard chuckle, the Captain announced "can't win 'em all". I silently finished up the after-landing checks and slouched into my not-so-comfortable seat. It was warm. Perhaps it was the glow of my face heating up the cockpit. The way we parked on the ramp had all the pax walking in front of the A/C. Watching each face pass by, I noticed out of the corner of my eye that my Captain was tying his shoe. Not thinking twice, I lost interest in watching our pax, and started getting the A/C ready for the next leg. Captain tying other shoe. Captain bending down cleaning floor at his feet. "What are you doing?" I asked. And...ego gone in 3...2...1..."I know a helluva lotta people in Hay River, and none of them are gonna see me at the front of this airplane!!!". Hmmm...Can't win 'em all.
We were having a carrier landing competition at the Penticton Airport a few years ago. Some of the colorful local pilots from the club decided that the way to 'spot land' was to fly really low approaches and plunk down. Fred Way (RIP) who used to be DFTE for the area was one of the judges had the following comment. "We saw a lot of good flying today. We also saw a lot of pilots who thought they should drive to the runway instead of flying to it."
I was one of the last three in my course at Portage La Prairie to finish primary flight training. Three of us, sitting in the ready room, were talking in low voices about how so many of our classmates had already finished the course within the last few days and we all had the dread feeling that the 'quota' had already been achieved for pilot slots to move on to basic flight. One of us was called by his instructor to go on his flight and when he got back we could see things had gone badly. CT, the big cease training. I was next. I won't bother with the parts prior to returning to the field. Those segments of the flight went pretty well. But on the return I called the tower and was told the runway had beeen changed... to one that I had rarely used during my training and I wasn't perfectly comfortable in finding the reference points for the circuit. I turned onto the downwind thinking I was in the correct position but as it happens I wasn't. The Beechcraft Musketeer had a row of rivets on the wing that you could use to line up on the runway to show if you were at the correct distance out on the circuit. I looked over and realized I was waaaay inside where I should have been and told my instructor I was going to correct. I banked left and held it there for a bit then rolled back right to check the alignment. Still too close so I again told the instructor I would correct and banked left again. By the time I rolled out and checked again it seemed to me I should be turning on my base leg so I rolled right and reduced power. As soon as I had turned 90 degrees I realised I was in a bad spot. I was high and tight and immediately pulled power all the way off, dumped full flaps and started sinking like a stone. I kept close watch on my airspeed to avoid a stall and made the turn to final. I could see even keeping the power off I was going to end up landing way down the runway. I then put the Musketeer into a steep sideslip to lose even more altitude. In the Forces they taught me to try to fly through an imaginary box at the end of the runway and as it turned out everything I did worked to get me through that box. A pretty much perfect flare and touchdown and we rolled to the taxiway intersection and taxied back in. As we did the instructor was very quiet and I knew he was thinking hard about whether he wanted to pass me after that 'less than normal' approach. Then he quietly asked me "You knew you were high and tight on that approach, you could have done a go-around, why didn't you?" I wasn't about to tell him how frightened I was that I knew I'd screwed the pooch and was thinking how close I was to my career being over so I blurted out "I knew I had it the whole way down Sir." Well, the wait in the ready room while he finished filling out my flight card was a torture, but when he called me into his office for the debrief, the hint of a smile on his face told me what I wanted to know. I passed.
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Having a standard that pilots lose their licence after making a mistake despite doing no harm to aircraft or passengers means soon you needn't worry about a pilot surplus or pilots offering to fly for free. Where do you get your experience from?
