So, I'm minding my own business AGAIN...on a "red-eye"...

This forum has been developed to discuss aviation related topics.

Moderators: ahramin, sky's the limit, sepia, Sulako, lilfssister, North Shore, I WAS Birddog

Post Reply
...
Rank 11
Rank 11
Posts: 4581
Joined: Sun Feb 15, 2004 7:18 pm

So, I'm minding my own business AGAIN...on a "red-eye"...

Post by ... » Tue Jun 16, 2009 6:45 am

...the counter agent tells me the flight is full. So my humble request for an aisle seat and away from the lavs falls on deaf ears and regergitated back to me in a plastic smile. Not her fault really...it's midnight and she should be at home with her family and not talking to some bald ethnic looking guy making dumb requests that looks like he fits into some obscure profiling chapter in the Homeland Security book of rules.

Whatever I thought to myself...Bring the pain

"I know this may sound like a mundane question to you given you must hear this ALL the time...will there be a complimentary snack served onboard?" I just ran out of US coin and the nearest ATM machine is 8 terminals away. I've been up and on my feet for the last 18 hours...I wasn't in the mood.
"...ummm let.me.see..." She says as she types (or what I think she was pretend typing) into her keyboard. Clickity clakatity "...Ummm...NO. We do sell snacks onboard though". It seemed to me that she took pleasure in denying any request I made of her. I doubt it though. After 18 hours on my feet...I just wanted to sleep and now due to some clever boardroom think-tank decision on how to generate more revenue by charging for perfered seating in advance on-line, I was stuck in a middle seat, row 39 for the next 5 1/2 hours AND unable to purchase an expired, dried out Granola bar onboard. Whatever...bring the pain.

The best thing for me about being on the 'people' side of an airport is witnessing the human interaction when people are dropping off or picking up loved ones. For the last 3 years I had been delivering boxes and passenger terminals were just a spec in the horizon viewed from the cargo terminals. However, at midnight somewhere on the west coast, THAT was not even an option for me to enjoy. The joys of the "red-eye". Why is it called a "red eye"? It should really be called the "brown eye" because after an all night flight across North America...I feel like shit.

Whatever

Through the "security" checks. "passport, ticket...is there a laptop in your bag?" Said the security officer with the same midnight-mundane tone of voice as the check in agent.
"no it is not" I replied with the same unenthusiastic plastic smile that was reverted to me 10 minutes ago by the check-in agent.
"take-off your shoes and belt please" she stated.
I thought why am I the only one doing that when everyone else ahead of me didn't have to?...whatever...bring the pain. "Sure..." I replied using that same midnight-mundane tone of voice however careful not to make eye contact fearing my pants would be next or I get hauled into the "special" room for a secondary check. I mean they can't keep knives out of prisons and they hide knives in their ass...like how far do these security people want to take this project!?!?!
IF that were to happen...I had flashbacks of that guy being tasered to death by the RCMP because he, like myself was tired and at the end of my day, I didn't need anymore poking or prodding. I would NOT be like that poor chump that lost his cool at the worst time. However I was in Amuuureeka now and they don't have Mounties...they have "Smokies"...and Smokies are ALWAYS looking for an excuse...to smoke ya! More so if you look like a bald ethnic guy.

Whew...I slip back on my still warm shoes. The cold from the cement disappears within seconds. Footwear with spongy insoles have never felt so good. Things are looking up.

I noticed in the line up at the ticket counter two similar looking people that seemed to not be traveling together. Both looked like they worshipped the rock group "The Grateful Dead" not only because of their clothing looks like standard issued "tree-planter" brigade...but they were also sportin' dreadlocks. Here's a question for you readers...The Birkenstock. Why is it fashionably acceptable for those that choose to purchase the said footwear to wear wool socks, then the sandal? That makes zero sense. That's like putting a T-shirt over a sweater.

Whatever.

Boarding. Plastic smiles from the crew. Row 39. Middle seat. One more plastic smile and a remark that the overhead bins are already full with life rafts and crew bags. Whatever...keep bringing it. I'm numb to it now.

The law of attraction is alive and well tonight. In the check-in line up I was hoping I not be sat between those two dreadlock guys. What I should have been thinking is I hope I sit next to that attractive woman in the line-up. There are only two things make me dry heave to the point of tasting bile in the back of my throat thus producing the "vomiting"...adult poop smell & people that don't bath. Yeah, that's right. "Frick & Frack" were making their way down the aisle toward me to sit one on either side of me. God I may be "dreading" the next 5 1/2 hours of my life.

"Hello, are you two together? Would you like to sit next to each other and I take the aisle seat?" I asked the two

"naw dude...we both hate the middle seat" said buddy with the teardrop tattoo on his face. As I get to let let one of my new "seat-mates" sit down...there it is. The waft of nasal distain. You know reader...back in the days when I had feathers in my head, I remember water being free and shampoo costing almost nothing. Has anything changed since then?

Empty stomach, potential turbulence inflight, factoring that I am exsausted and now the putrid scent coming from both east and west directs of my nose, I reach for the "complimentary" airsickness bag in the sesat pocket infront of me. I wonder if any extra bags would cost extra or would I have to recycle this one because I don't have a red American cent to my name right at this moment? My love for excecutive board room cost saving meetings are now working on my last good nerve. For sure now my new resolve for acceptance and patience of people was about to be tested...and tested hard. However, what I have had to self repair from the last 5 years of the worst experiences of my life...this should be a walk in the park I thought as I began to feel the bile creeping up to the back of my throat. I mentally conditioned myself by repeating in my head...."it's all good man....acceptance...acceptance for the things you can't control..."

Lift off. Vents are full blast in my face. Seatbelt sign off. My section flight attendant's previous plastic smile turned into a sympathetic one. The kind a parent would give a child after their goldfish died. I must have looked like a frightened child thrown into a lion's den. Not hard to picture either as these two rockstars hair looked like lion manes.

"Sir..." I look up with watering eyes as the flight attendant sparks my attention, "there is an extra seat in Business class, would you care to join your wife upfront?"

What a professional. What a decent human being. Knowing full well such question outloud for all to hear would not only upset many "cattle-class" passenegers to my freebie upgrade, but she didn't want to offend, the offenders even though they were oblivious to anything because they were already passed out.

"Yes please and thank you"

Warm Biz-class food in my belly, a night cap, and I'm home. However there are always casualties against the war on soap and water. The experience clings on my new $150 CK dress shirt. It now sits in a garbage bin in the arrivals area of Terminal 2. Trashed.

Thanks for reading...and remember to shower, it's free and painless.

:D
---------- ADS -----------
  

Hedley
Top Poster
Top Poster
Posts: 10430
Joined: Thu May 27, 2004 6:40 am
Location: CYSH
Contact:

Re: So, I'm minding my own business...AGAIN on a "red-eye"...

Post by Hedley » Tue Jun 16, 2009 7:48 am

I really, really hate travelling commercially.
---------- ADS -----------
  

yycflyguy
Rank 10
Rank 10
Posts: 2725
Joined: Tue Feb 24, 2004 9:18 am

Re: So, I'm minding my own business...AGAIN on a "red-eye"...

Post by yycflyguy » Tue Jun 16, 2009 7:55 am

It's ok man. You can tell everyone that it was AC that saved your "last good nerve" and then we can go back to bashing them.
---------- ADS -----------
  

User avatar
YoungPunk
Rank 2
Rank 2
Posts: 69
Joined: Tue Sep 09, 2008 9:46 am
Location: North but not really

Re: So, I'm minding my own business...AGAIN on a "red-eye"...

Post by YoungPunk » Tue Jun 16, 2009 8:03 am

You got a book deal yet?
---------- ADS -----------
  
Hedley wrote:Actually, it's hard to argue that Airport Security doesn't work.
Since 9/11, not one pilot has hijacked his own aircraft with his tweezers.

...
Rank 11
Rank 11
Posts: 4581
Joined: Sun Feb 15, 2004 7:18 pm

Re: So, I'm minding my own business...AGAIN on a "red-eye"...

Post by ... » Tue Jun 16, 2009 8:16 am

yycflyguy wrote:It's ok man. You can tell everyone that it was AC that saved your "last good nerve" and then we can go back to bashing them.
:lol:

Seriously, I've always known that Air Canada has a lot of great people working there...and at the end of the day, we are all the same just trying to get by in this industry.

Last night, that flight attendant could have let me sit there and rot. I didn't ask for an upgrade nor was I seeking for one. I'm not that guy.

She stepped up. She put the customer first. A rare thing in ANY service industry by today's standards...annnnnd because of that I say;

Air Canada front line staff, and Ms. Flight Attendant....I salut you.

------------------------------
YoungPunk wrote:You got a book deal yet?
Working toward it...should be fun to read just as it was fun to write about it. I got one more trip to do to Asia and that should be the last of my research on my book. Thanks for asking :wink:

Now...I must sleep.
---------- ADS -----------
  

User avatar
Driving Rain
Rank 10
Rank 10
Posts: 2695
Joined: Tue Feb 17, 2004 5:10 pm
Location: At a Tanker Base near you.
Contact:

Re: So, I'm minding my own business AGAIN...on a "red-eye"...

Post by Driving Rain » Tue Jun 16, 2009 11:41 am

Great stuff Birdy. I had a similar experience on Air France a while back.
---------- ADS -----------
  

...
Rank 11
Rank 11
Posts: 4581
Joined: Sun Feb 15, 2004 7:18 pm

Re: So, I'm minding my own business AGAIN...on a "red-eye"...

Post by ... » Tue Jun 16, 2009 12:17 pm

Driving Rain wrote:Great stuff Birdy. I had a similar experience on Air France a while back.
:lol:

I can imagine...

Thanks for reading 'Pedro'. It means a lot to me when you comment on my stuff. You'll be getting a free copy of my non-fiction book about my adventures abroad with the characters I meet.

Much Love

IAB
---------- ADS -----------
  

User avatar
Driving Rain
Rank 10
Rank 10
Posts: 2695
Joined: Tue Feb 17, 2004 5:10 pm
Location: At a Tanker Base near you.
Contact:

Re: So, I'm minding my own business AGAIN...on a "red-eye"...

Post by Driving Rain » Tue Jun 16, 2009 12:52 pm

IABD, Looking forward to it :D

Are you saving your...".Saving the Bush" adventures for a later book? :smt023
---------- ADS -----------
  

North Shore
Rank Moderator
Rank Moderator
Posts: 5368
Joined: Mon Feb 16, 2004 3:47 pm
Location: Straight outta Dundarave...

Re: So, I'm minding my own business AGAIN...on a "red-eye"...

Post by North Shore » Tue Jun 16, 2009 12:55 pm

Black people with dreadlocks look cool, white people with dreads look like they need a bath and some mothering.
---------- ADS -----------
  
Say, what's that mountain goat doing up here in the mist?
Happiness is V1 at Thompson!
Ass, Licence, Job. In that order.

No Conflict
Rank 7
Rank 7
Posts: 610
Joined: Fri Sep 10, 2004 6:48 am
Location: All over the friggin' place....

Re: So, I'm minding my own business AGAIN...on a "red-eye"...

Post by No Conflict » Tue Jun 16, 2009 2:44 pm

HA! Deadheading YYZ to YQB, a couple on board the RJ that absolutely STANK the cabin out. I mean my eyes were watering, thank god they were sitting beside the capt. lol.....

Please, PLEASE people, BATH BEFORE you have to come into contact with others.

He was wearing a wife beater with ALOT of hair.... ugh...
---------- ADS -----------
  

Tim
Rank (9)
Rank (9)
Posts: 1026
Joined: Mon May 15, 2006 6:16 pm

Re: So, I'm minding my own business AGAIN...on a "red-eye"...

Post by Tim » Tue Jun 16, 2009 3:23 pm

oh man i can't believe it...your bald?! :goodman:

good end to a cringe-worth story though :)
---------- ADS -----------
  

User avatar
Cat Driver
Top Poster
Top Poster
Posts: 18921
Joined: Sun Feb 15, 2004 8:31 pm

Re: So, I'm minding my own business AGAIN...on a "red-eye"...

Post by Cat Driver » Tue Jun 16, 2009 6:27 pm

I am Birddog do you have a girlfriend as neat as ISTP's Vampira?
---------- ADS -----------
  
The hardest thing about flying is knowing when to say no


After over a half a century of flying no one ever died because of my decision not to fly.

shitdisturber
Rank 10
Rank 10
Posts: 2165
Joined: Tue Feb 17, 2004 3:38 pm
Location: If it's Monday it's got to be somewhere shitty

Re: So, I'm minding my own business AGAIN...on a "red-eye"...

Post by shitdisturber » Tue Jun 16, 2009 7:10 pm

North Shore wrote:Black people with dreadlocks look cool, white people with dreads look like they need a bath and some mothering.

Is that "mothering" or "smothering"?
---------- ADS -----------
  

...
Rank 11
Rank 11
Posts: 4581
Joined: Sun Feb 15, 2004 7:18 pm

Re: So, I'm minding my own business AGAIN...on a "red-eye"...

Post by ... » Tue Jun 16, 2009 9:50 pm

Cat Driver wrote:I am Birddog do you have a girlfriend as neat as ISTP's Vampira?
I've been away and out of the loop for a while and I know not of what you speak. However..."Vampira" is Latin for a female vampire.

So, yes...I've had a lot of Blood Suckers posing as women in my life.

Why do you ask?
---------- ADS -----------
  

User avatar
Cat Driver
Top Poster
Top Poster
Posts: 18921
Joined: Sun Feb 15, 2004 8:31 pm

Re: So, I'm minding my own business AGAIN...on a "red-eye"...

Post by Cat Driver » Wed Jun 17, 2009 5:55 am

Why do you ask?
ISTP wrote a very touching love story about his dream girl Vampira.
---------- ADS -----------
  
The hardest thing about flying is knowing when to say no


After over a half a century of flying no one ever died because of my decision not to fly.

...
Rank 11
Rank 11
Posts: 4581
Joined: Sun Feb 15, 2004 7:18 pm

Re: So, I'm minding my own business AGAIN...on a "red-eye"...

Post by ... » Wed Jun 17, 2009 6:04 am

Cat Driver wrote:
Why do you ask?
ISTP wrote a very touching love story about his dream girl Vampira.
Ahhh...ok. I'm not much for words or writing stories...so instead here's a picture/link of my latest "Vampira"...aka Lucy



http://i24.photobucket.com/albums/c26/i ... g/lucy.jpg
---------- ADS -----------
  

rampking
Rank 2
Rank 2
Posts: 82
Joined: Wed Feb 15, 2006 4:02 pm

Re: So, I'm minding my own business AGAIN...on a "red-eye"...

Post by rampking » Wed Jun 17, 2009 1:30 pm

Man you are a very good writer, I was feeling as if I was there with ya....glad to hear you got outta there. Thats one thing I do love about those embryo's.......no middle seat and lots of leg room. Lucy ain't bad either!!!

King
---------- ADS -----------
  

User avatar
mark_
Rank 3
Rank 3
Posts: 101
Joined: Tue Apr 11, 2006 7:39 am

Re: So, I'm minding my own business AGAIN...on a "red-eye"...

Post by mark_ » Wed Jun 17, 2009 1:50 pm

Well written and hilarious...thanks Birddog.

Mark
---------- ADS -----------
  

ilovelamp
Rank 2
Rank 2
Posts: 98
Joined: Thu May 08, 2008 11:07 pm

Re: So, I'm minding my own business AGAIN...on a "red-eye"...

Post by ilovelamp » Wed Jun 17, 2009 2:01 pm

I am Birddog wrote:
Cat Driver wrote:
Why do you ask?
ISTP wrote a very touching love story about his dream girl Vampira.
Ahhh...ok. I'm not much for words or writing stories...so instead here's a picture/link of my latest "Vampira"...aka Lucy



http://i24.photobucket.com/albums/c26/i ... g/lucy.jpg
IABD, is that really your girlfriend? for Real?!!....if it is true, why do you spend any amount of time on here?
---------- ADS -----------
  

...
Rank 11
Rank 11
Posts: 4581
Joined: Sun Feb 15, 2004 7:18 pm

Re: So, I'm minding my own business AGAIN...on a "red-eye"...

Post by ... » Wed Jun 17, 2009 2:37 pm

ilovelamp wrote: IABD, is that really your girlfriend? for Real?!!....
She's not my girlfriend...we're just phuking. 8)
ilovelamp wrote:if it is true, why do you spend any amount of time on here?
a man cannot live on just eating bread.....and Gatorade® 8)
---------- ADS -----------
  

Widow
Rank Moderator
Rank Moderator
Posts: 4588
Joined: Sun Mar 26, 2006 12:57 pm
Location: Vancouver Island

Re: So, I'm minding my own business AGAIN...on a "red-eye"...

Post by Widow » Wed Jun 17, 2009 3:28 pm

Love your "story".

Lucy on the other hand, looks like she's had butt implants and then couldn't afford to eat.
---------- ADS -----------
  
"The world is not dangerous because of those who do harm but because of those who look at it without doing anything." - Albert Einstein

...
Rank 11
Rank 11
Posts: 4581
Joined: Sun Feb 15, 2004 7:18 pm

Re: So, I'm minding my own business AGAIN...on a "red-eye"...

Post by ... » Wed Jun 17, 2009 4:10 pm

Widow wrote: Lucy on the other hand, looks like she's had butt implants and then couldn't afford to eat.
:lol: :lol:
---------- ADS -----------
  

User avatar
Rowdy
Top Poster
Top Poster
Posts: 5055
Joined: Thu Jun 09, 2005 12:26 pm
Location: On Borrowed Wings

Re: So, I'm minding my own business AGAIN...on a "red-eye"...

Post by Rowdy » Wed Jun 17, 2009 6:32 pm

Was this the flight home after the release from the "establishment" they call riverview? :rolleyes:

.... Those look like two giant honey hams....
---------- ADS -----------
  

Handsome B. Wonderful
Rank 2
Rank 2
Posts: 89
Joined: Tue Jul 04, 2006 8:23 am
Location: YYZ

Re: So, I'm minding my own business AGAIN...on a "red-eye"...

Post by Handsome B. Wonderful » Thu Jun 18, 2009 9:29 am

Widow wrote:
Lucy on the other hand, looks like she's had butt implants and then couldn't afford to eat.
Yeah but bless her 'lil heart... :tonqe: :smt031

Nice story Dude.
---------- ADS -----------
  
ROGERDILDOINANDOUT

Post Reply

Return to “General Comments”