ATC encounters

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Old Dog Flying
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Re: ATC encounters

Post by Old Dog Flying »

PC: As I recall the pilot of the twin was one of your controllers and he had a long history of that sort of thing. He parked his BE-18 in front of the flying club one night and in the morning my secretary looked out the front window and remarked "Look, Norm's airplane is laying eggs"...Coors cans!

I do believe that he pulled the big moon one day with the Minister of Transport getting out of the Jetstar...and of course the controllers had nothing to do with plastering the infamous bumperstickers on the Jetstar..."English is the International Language of Aviation" with the Beaver throttling the little green animal from the swamp.

Barney
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Prairie Chicken
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Re: ATC encounters

Post by Prairie Chicken »

Hello Barney! I think I`ve got you now. At first I thought you were the `Barney Rubble`that was part of the “breakfast” cooked on the carpet of the RFC on a few occasions, along with our blind air traffic controller and another pilot, but a review of your previous posts straighened that out. It’s been a long time!

No, I didn’t think it was the BE-18 that did the moon job on Snowflake, but it certainly could have been the same pilot/BE-18 owner. I thought that a/c was a more reputable type such as a Cessna or Navajo, and possibly flown by another ATC (terminal) type.

I’ll pm you, but I was there for that infamous attack on the Minister of Transport’s (Otto Lang as I recall) jet that night. I don’t recall my exact duties, and don`t recall who the driver of the get-away Cherokee was!
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G.N. Thompson
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Re: ATC encounters

Post by G.N. Thompson »

Then there was the time the ATCer in the cojo seat arrived, dawg tired, jet lagged and hungry at customs in AU. The customs dude comes aboard, complete with moustache, military shirt, shorts, stockings, highly polished shoes and the clipboard with 400 questions.
name...,postal code...,sin...,mother's name...,purpose of trip...,money on hand...etc etc.
Gets down to "Do you have a criminal record?"

"No...didn't realize it was still a prerequisite"

oops
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mathewc
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Re: ATC encounters

Post by mathewc »

I was taxiing to the active with a Dash-8 and a Caravan. Both other aircraft have very very similar callsigns and the controller had already mixed them up a few times.

"ABC... JEEEEEEESSSSUUSSS CCCHHHHRRRIIIIIIIIIIISSSTTTT! ABDC...."

A buddy and I had a good laugh while taxiing out. I can't blame the guy for getting frustrated though!
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VikVaughan
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Re: ATC encounters

Post by VikVaughan »

Deadly hazard reported on final:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L9wxGRdwexg
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Jablonski... Noooooooooooooo!
SquearlFSS
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Re: ATC encounters

Post by SquearlFSS »

Working the Muskoka RAAS one busy summer day.

Ontario Provincial Police A-Star: "Timmins(YTS) Radio, This is XXXX, 8 N Low level southbound into the zone"
ME: " XXXX, YTS Radio, Active runway is 36 two aircraft in the circuit, and one about to depart on a local flight westbound, what are your intentions"
OPP A-Star: "Standby one"
......
ME: "XXXX PA28 airborne now heading towards lake muskoka, are you inbound for landing?...what are your intentions?"
OPP A-Star: " YTS Radio, this is XXXX, we are not landing , we are on drugs"

After I had a good chuckle I got my supervisor to save that one...

In YTS my buddy working, has a BE20 taxing for a VFR training flight:

YTS Radio:" Voyageur Trainer one, active rwy 03 Navajo on 2 mile fnl, Caravan 10 North inbound for the left downwind"
VAL01T: " roger we have the HO in site and we check the VAN inbound, holding short of 03 for now"
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SquearlFSS
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Re: ATC encounters

Post by SquearlFSS »

Another one my buddy had....

working the position


Radio: "thunder 105 request you hold in position, there is a moose crossing at the intersection .....intentions unknown.."
THU105:" Roger...we aren't talking to him either so we'll hold"
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pilotman15
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Re: ATC encounters

Post by pilotman15 »

Here' a couple out of the unofficial log of CYAM off their tower website

GABC on his way to the new hanger via Golf and Charlie stops on the apron and requests. " Ground, can I stop here and drop one!" Ground... "Sure.... Does it smell?"



" Sir was that landing intentional or were you shot down!!"



"Tower Cardinal N1234 ....I'm on my way in to CIU what are your winds in Canada?" ...Tower.." Well I can't speak for all of Canada, but in my little corner they're 240 @ 5 ."




Digging for braking action reports....

"ABC Tower, did you use the brakes at all?"

"No Tower, but the captain says that if he would have used the brakes, it would have been poor." ???



This is the best one that I've ever heard!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1999

"Soo Ground, FHTU is on the ramp, request taxi to the active for some airwork at the VOR".

" FHTU, Soo ground, runway 12, winds 360/7, altimeter 2960, taxi foxtrot to runway 12".

............." Soo ground, is runway 30 plowed?, because we'd like runway 30".

" FHTU Soo ground, runway 30 is not plowed but runway 12 is!".

" Roger Soo Ground, we'll take runway 12 then."


Check out the Sault Tower website at http://members.shaw.ca/djcat/ for a few other funny transmissions and a nice tower history of CYAM.
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pto
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Re: ATC encounters

Post by pto »

ACA516: Any ride reports this morning?

Controller: Nope, no complaints at all.

ACA516: Can we start?

C: I'd kinda rather you didn't!
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Jonesie
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Re: ATC encounters

Post by Jonesie »

The controller working a busy pattern told the 727 on downwind to make a three-sixty--do a complete circle, a move normally used to provide spacing between aircraft.
The pilot of the 727 complained, "Don't you know it costs us two thousand dollars to make even a one-eighty in this airplane?"
Without missing a beat the controller replied, "Roger, give me four thousand dollars' worth."
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Billund ATC: Gliders 82 and D5, state position and altitude?
82: Overhead Coal Lake, 6400 feet.
D5: Same position, same altitude.
ATC (cool, dry voice): So should I go get my collision report form ?
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Several planes were running up and waiting to take off, many Cessna's including a 337. With all the students and several similar call signs, the controllers were getting a tad confused. The controller finally asked: "Cessna 123YZ, are you the Skymaster?"

A slightly confused voice with an indeterminate accent replied, after a moment, "Well, my instructor says that I am very good, but I do not think that I would yet be considered the 'Skymaster.'"
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A crew in a Baron was taxiing at LAX back in the sixties and encountered one of the (then) new 747's. Both pilot and co- were all eyes as both aircraft approached the same intersection.
Baron: Uh, ATC, verify you want me to taxi in front of the 747.
ATC: Yeah, it's OK. He's not hungry.
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A C152 pilot was asked to report his height prior to clearance to enter the zone, replied: "Flight Level Three Thousand, Seven Hundred", upon which the Controller very smartly replied, "Roger, prepare to fire retro-rockets and re-enter the atmosphere!"
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C-150: Tower this is N-1234 can you give us a ground speed please?
Tower: Roger N-1234 we show you at 110 knots
Mooney: (Showing off a bit) tower this is N-5678 can you give US a ground speed please?
Tower: Roger that N-5678 we show you at 201 knots
F-18: (Showing off a lot and said with a Texas drawl). Heh Heh.. tower how about XXXX, can you give US a ground speed please?
Tower: Roger XXXX we show you at 580 knots.
... then in a distant crackly voice,
"Tower, we'd like a ground speed too please..."
Tower: Ummmm ahhh .... must be something wrong with our equipment here, I show you at 1500 knots sir.
"No sir, this is a SR-71. Thank you for the reading."
======
Another student, a not too bright woman, was coming in for a landing. The radio in the FBO was set to the ground freq. It seems that she landed on the taxi way.
The ground controller told her, "please call 555-9876 after you park the plane".
She answered, "No thank you sir, I'm already married."
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Cessna: Bay Approach, Cessna 12345 over South County Airport at four thousand feet, request permission to land at San Jose.
Bay Approach: Cessna 12345, Squawk 4567, and do you have Hotel? (the current SJC ATIS)
Cessna: Negative, we're going to stay with my sister-in-law.
American 123: Does your sister-in-law have any extra rooms?
======

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
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high speed exit
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Re: ATC encounters

Post by high speed exit »

ATC: Jazz 123, what are your intentions?
Jazz 123: Honorable of course, we are canceling IFR!
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Tim
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Re: ATC encounters

Post by Tim »

pilot holding short of a runway curious what he was waiting for says, "tower is there a reason why im holding short?".
tower says, "i can give you about 10 reasons"
the pilot quickly replied "ready to copy number 1"
...twr was not impressed
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AlbertaBoy
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Re: ATC encounters

Post by AlbertaBoy »

Overheard @ CYEG

Controller:

"FABC Edmonton Centre, good day, International ATIS. "Vagina"

oops...
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parrot_head
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Re: ATC encounters

Post by parrot_head »

AlbertaBoy wrote:Overheard @ CYEG

Controller:

"FABC Edmonton Centre, good day, International ATIS. "Vagina"

oops...

Funny 'cause it's true!!
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Old Dog Flying
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Re: ATC encounters

Post by Old Dog Flying »

During the late '60s I was teaching at the CAF ATC School a YBN and would take my students to YYZ Tower and Centre on tours. Got to know the tower controllers quite well and as I frequently flew into the "Big Smoke" in the old C150, they tagged me with the call sign "Whiskey Blue"...easier than saying the ident...and the standard clearance was "cleared to Terminal 2, 500' and wait for it".

Going up to the north end could be a taxi nightmare so..."Whiskey Blue cleared to land 32 keep the speed up and land long exit the end"

One day I got the "standard" pointed it down the runway as an AC Diesel 8 was clearing with an American 707 by the beacon...the southern drawl..."You all callin' a bit close tower"

The guy in the tower came right back with..."We know his capabilities but not to certain about yours'''continue the approach"

Of course the Air Canada guy heard this and a few other comments were exchanged but I was too busy trying to land and laugh at the same time.
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cyeg66
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Re: ATC encounters

Post by cyeg66 »

whiteguy wrote:My favorite..

ATC: "Delta 1234, say air speed."

Delta: "Air speed"

ATC: "Delta 1234, say altitude"

Delta: "Altitude"

ATC: "Delta 1234, say Cancel IFR"

Delta: "240 kts, 14000 ft"
This is probably my favourite, 'course I'd wait til he's below 12500' to say the last part.
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Turn right/left heading XXX, vectors for the hell of it.
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cyeg66
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Re: ATC encounters

Post by cyeg66 »

parrot_head wrote:
AlbertaBoy wrote:Overheard @ CYEG

Controller:

"FABC Edmonton Centre, good day, International ATIS. "Vagina"

oops...

Funny 'cause it's true!!
Yup. Know the fella. Some guys even went as far as to make a clip of that and put it on their phone as a ringtone. Priceless.
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Turn right/left heading XXX, vectors for the hell of it.
Skymaster
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Tower confuse

Post by Skymaster »

After landing we contact the tower just to let them know that we encountered a little windshear of about +- 10 kts on final approach at about 200 ft. She then asked: '' was it 200 ft AGL or ASL ? The field elevation is 250 ' That was hilarious....I almost replied :''If it was ASL we would not have called you.......... !!!


So funny.
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high speed exit
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Re: ATC encounters

Post by high speed exit »

This one is my favorite so far:

Controller: ABC radar service is terminated, cleared enroute
Pilot: ABC thanks, have a good day
Contoller: Sorry, I’ve got other plans!

I found it here:
http://atchappenings.blogspot.com/2010/ ... tions.html
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Shark-41
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Re: ATC encounters

Post by Shark-41 »

During my training/working in California (KCCR) we had a spanish student who was weak in english (ha perished in an accident later...), he was arguing with the instructor and then called Concord ground with this statement: CCR Ground, this is Helicopter 2021G with INformation f#$% you!, whereupon the INSTRUCTOR quickly keyed the mike and yelled Its FOXTROT ITS FOXTROT!!

we had a good chuckle that is for sure.

Also had apache attack helicopters call too close for misiles in the circuit with 5 schweizer 300s...
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