Stupid questions about flying

Zy · Post by Zy » Thu Jul 27, 2006 6:46 pm

so what's the biggest plane you can fly?

Redneck_pilot86 · Post by **Redneck_pilot86** » Thu Jul 27, 2006 7:15 pm

I had a guy on a fishing charter ask if he was allowed to bring a knife on board.

oldtimer · Post by **oldtimer** » Thu Jul 27, 2006 8:12 pm

Years ago, bombing along in an old Beech 18 on floats and a passenger asks, "where are we". I point out to a big lake to our right and say "See that big lake out there? We are just to the left of it" He was happy and sat down, for a while.
That is why I fly cargo now. But still asked "What kind of airplane do you fly?" I say "A Metro" They have that glazed far away look that says "HUH" Then I say "A Texas Tampon" That usually stops the questions.

captain_jeeves · Post by **captain_jeeves** » Thu Jul 27, 2006 9:03 pm

yyc80 wrote:"Are You Rich?" ... "Are you a REAL PILOT?"

You can’t be both!

captain_jeeves · Post by **captain_jeeves** » Thu Jul 27, 2006 9:10 pm

Heard this one from another crew last night.

The Captain went to the Galley and was approached by a passenger who was waiting for the Lav. . Passenger asked him how long it took him to become a Captain. Fair question.

Then, passengers says, "Are you qualified on the B767?"

The flight WAS a 767!!!!

co-joe · Post by **co-joe** » Thu Jul 27, 2006 9:11 pm

cinical wrote:"Hey...whats the inflight movie?" as the person giggles away..............."The movie today is "ALIVE" " I say.
Your not laughing anymore are ya...
thanks for that one Jeff.

Somebody said that a while back on another thread so I started using it. Works like a charm...after a brief uncomfertable chuckle they get it, and shut up instantly. Beautiful

What's with this "real pilot" shit anyway? I get that all the time.

mellow_pilot · Post by **mellow_pilot** » Thu Jul 27, 2006 10:41 pm

Joe Blow: "What did you go to school for?"

Me: "Aviation."

JB: "Oh, so you want to be a pilot?"

Me: "I am a pilot."

JB: "Really?"

Me (in my head): "No, not really, I just like saying that so stupid people can get that dumb look on their face."

JB: "So, can you fly an airliner?"

All the freakin time!!!

MRO · Post by **MRO** » Thu Jul 27, 2006 11:55 pm

Just before start up my passenger pipes up "Are you sure this thing is safe?"

Another asked "Can I bring my beer on the plane" then an hour into the flight he started looking for the bathroom...we were in a 206.

The best was a passenger that freaked out on short final because he couldnt see the runway over my shoulder. "WHERES THE AIRPORT? WHERES THE AIRPORT?"... Then he saw it and shut up while the other pax made fun of him

Fr8 dawg · Post by **Fr8 dawg** » Fri Jul 28, 2006 6:17 am

1 out of 3 will ask this:

"So, you carry cargo on that B727, eh? Why didnt you chose to fly commercially like a normal pilot? Do you have to study more for it ?"

to which I reply "Oh, no, flying night cargo 22 days a month across the country is so much fun, I think I'll keep this as my hobby".

Back when I was flying small pax charter:

"How many hours do you have?"

"None. We're not allowed to log hours until we actually get our license".

which was followed by a long, long silence that lasted for the remainder of the flight.

Once a I-know-it-all lawyer was trying to check me out:

"So, young fella, what is your procedure if the engine quits?

"well, I myself have a parachute. But for you, there is a 1-800 number in the back of that thick green book behind the seat. I'll leave my cellphone for ya."

Gurundu the Rat · Post by **Gurundu the Rat** » Fri Jul 28, 2006 7:58 am

While in a hold waiting for fog to clear. 15 minutes passed since my last PA and some businessman late for his meeting comes up front (BE1900) and tells me he will miss his meeting. He wants to go back to point of departure and a refund.

twotter · Post by **twotter** » Fri Jul 28, 2006 8:04 am

The best of course are the no minds who will show up when conditions say that we are not flying and say "well if we can't get there on the sched, can we charter??"

niss · Post by **niss** » Fri Jul 28, 2006 8:11 am

1 out of 3 will ask this:

"So, you carry cargo on that B727, eh? Why didnt you chose to fly commercially like a normal pilot? Do you have to study more for it ?"

to which I reply "Oh, no, flying night cargo 22 days a month across the country is so much fun, I think I'll keep this as my hobby".

Back when I was flying small pax charter:

"How many hours do you have?"

"None. We're not allowed to log hours until we actually get our license".

which was followed by a long, long silence that lasted for the remainder of the flight.

Once a I-know-it-all lawyer was trying to check me out:

"So, young fella, what is your procedure if the engine quits?

"well, I myself have a parachute. But for you, there is a 1-800 number in the back of that thick green book behind the seat. I'll leave my cellphone for ya."

GENIOUS!!!

YACdirect · Post by **YACdirect** » Fri Jul 28, 2006 8:11 am

My favourite: I was just getting everyone ready to go, and was just waiting for one more to show up. The husband of a passenger (who was travelling with their infant child) and I had this brief conversation:

GUY: So how long you been a pilot?
(fair enough)

ME: Oh, about 2 years now.

GUY: Is it hard to fly?

ME: Well not really - I mean that's what the flight training is for.

GUY: So are you like an airline pilot?

ME: Someday I would like to fly for a big airline, but for now I like the bush scene. But yes, I am a licenced commercial pilot if that's what you mean.

GUY: (pause) What does your licence look like?

ME: Nothing fancy, a blue piece of paper is all that states my licence and what I am trained to fly.

GUY: (long uncomfortable pause, looking anxiously at me)

ME: Would you like to see it?

GUY: (with absolutely no pause) Sure.

ME: (hands licence to guy)

GUY: (pause) No picture?

-End of conversation.

CAL · Post by **CAL** » Fri Jul 28, 2006 12:17 pm

I always hear...so can you like fly a jet and stuff? like the commercial ones?

co-joe · Post by **co-joe** » Fri Jul 28, 2006 12:51 pm

Q: So can't you just take the airplane for the weekend and go visit your girlfriend in Vancouver?

A: ??? Yeah sure but it costs about a thousand bucks an hour just to run the engines.

People are absolutely clueless about aviation.

Chop&Drop · Post by **Chop&Drop** » Fri Jul 28, 2006 1:09 pm

Heard one last winter during a frezzing rain storm. The runway was closed due to so much ice being on it. One of the pax asks well if the runway is closed can't we just take-off on the taxiway. The captain responds no, so she huffs and returns to the back playing on her blackberry mumbling about how she's now going to miss her meeting. Yeah lady because your being pissed off is going to change anything.

buck82 · Post by **buck82** » Fri Jul 28, 2006 1:14 pm

So this half joking/smart ass statement gets made at the start of charter.

Q. So... I hope this isn't like your first day on the job.

A. Nope... thats tomorrow.... as long as we make it back today.

BlueSkies12 · Post by **BlueSkies12** » Fri Jul 28, 2006 6:54 pm

Px: Looking at me in my uniform with an uncomfortable look, are you our pilot?

Me: One of them

Px: How old are you?

Me: 21

Px: So there's no age restriction in Canada?

WTF, one American even asked if we had the internet in Canada. They must be stopped.

confuzed · Post by **confuzed** » Fri Jul 28, 2006 7:36 pm

Going along with stillinyxl, I've had a similar thing happen. While living in Muskrat Dam, I've had passengers that said I didn't look old enough to be a pilot.....they refused to get into the plane until I showed them my licence.

Also (this one is a little embarassing though), while on a medevac out of Thunder Bay we had an American couple as passengers. The husband was the patient, wife as an escort. I was still an F/O at the time in a King Air, and as she got out of the ambulance I was assisting her with her bags. To this I was greeted with the question "are you the flight attendant today??".

Liz_is_Here · Post by **Liz_is_Here** » Sat Jul 29, 2006 6:01 pm

Not a stupid question, but stupid comments: at the end of about 75% of flights I do, the people say something like "we made it" or "we're alive" or "we didn't die" and they praise me for being such a great pilot for not killing them. If they were that worried before getting on, why'd they get on? Do they say these things on bigger planes too?

JigglyBus · Post by **JigglyBus** » Sat Jul 29, 2006 7:17 pm

Pax: Is this a two engine plane or a twin engine??
Me: Ahh.... Both...??
Pax: Duh, I know, it's two engines, but are they twin engines?
Me: Well, that's what twin means, so yes.
Pax: You need to study some more, if you don't know the difference.
Me: I'd really appreciate it if you could tell me.....?
Pax: Twin Engines are made on exactly the same date.
Me: Ah.... in that case, these engines aren't even related.

buck82 · Post by **buck82** » Sat Jul 29, 2006 9:56 pm

Just tell them that with 'twin engines' you've got twice the chance of an engine failure; that'll keep em quiet.

stopsquawk · Post by **stopsquawk** » Sun Jul 30, 2006 8:03 am

while flying right seat in an A320

"so you're the co-pilot? How long before you actually get to fly the airplane?"

Redneck_pilot86 · Post by **Redneck_pilot86** » Sun Jul 30, 2006 1:55 pm

buck82 wrote:So this half joking/smart ass statement gets made at the start of charter.

Q. So... I hope this isn't like your first day on the job.

A. Nope... thats tomorrow.... as long as we make it back today.

Love it

. ._ · Post by **. ._** » Sun Jul 30, 2006 2:31 pm

Guy in bar: You're a pilot, eh?

Me: Yep, I can fly little planes.

Guy in bar: Did you know the CF-18 cruises at 825 knots per hour?

Me: Uh, no.

Guy in bar: Jeez! I know these things, and I don't even fly. You're a pilot, you should KNOW these things! I think you better hit the books, buddy.

Me: Uh, yeah. (walks away)