Need advice - long distance relationship

cargo_guy · Post by **cargo_guy** » Sat Jul 10, 2004 7:34 pm

I'd like to hear your advice on long distance relationships. Can they work? What does it take?

I'm presently in a non-flying position, but still have the desire to pursue my dream of flying. However, I'm married and my wife is a student. She is unable at this time to move with me if I get a flying gig out of town.

She says she is supportive of me moving away if need be. However, we've never been apart before, and my gut feeling tells me that it is not a good idea to leave my wife behind for a flying job.

For those of you who've been through this before how did you find the experience? Would you do it again?

Thanks in advance.

Always Moving · Post by **Always Moving** » Sat Jul 10, 2004 8:45 pm

Me and my girl (wife) were separated at once on an off for like 2 years and we still together.
With internet (IM & webcam, Yahoo, MSN or SKYPE you are set) you can pretty much feel like you are there, knowing what's going on in each other's lives( I can belive I am saying this it sounds so gay) so apart from sex (lots of home alone) It is ok(you will still hear the nagging LMAO)
If I were you I would take the job, take a chance....

I DO NOT KNOW NOTHING ABOUT KIDS THOUGH.....

yycflyguy · Post by **yycflyguy** » Sat Jul 10, 2004 9:20 pm

1 long distance relationship = 1 broken relationship

If she can't come along and you want to be with her, screw the job.... or take the job and learn to love screwing the locals. Thank you Dr. Phil.

PT6-114A · Post by **PT6-114A** » Sat Jul 10, 2004 9:46 pm

I used to fly at a place were we did 8 weeks away and 4 home + or - and it was ok my wife and I did this for almost two years then I got a new job and moved her it the middle of no where we gave up living in the city to be together. It can be done but you better buy lots of gifts and be good at phone sex and pay the big phone bills. good luck with that it helps if you have a real good wife.

DragEraser · Post by **DragEraser** » Sun Jul 11, 2004 1:41 am

Sprint Canada's got this great Unlimited calling pkg for like 40 bucks. Jetsgo's got cheap fares, but a marrige may not last todays industry slump. Wait 'till she's done if ya can. We haven't been seperated for more than 3 months, so I ain't much help.

ahramin · Post by **ahramin** » Sun Jul 11, 2004 2:22 am

Well as far as communication goes, you may have heard of a place called Bell Labs. I am sure the bright young lads who poured their minds into it are extremely frustrated that they are still being outdone by their obsolete namesake's invention.

Buy two $15 Altec Lansing headsets, and instead of a long distance plan, get a high speed internet connection. Use Skype, BuddyTalk, Roger Wilco, heck even MSN works sometimes, and talk as long as you want over the internet.

Technology has improved in the last 125 years. Take advantage of it

.

185_guy · Post by **185_guy** » Sun Jul 11, 2004 4:31 am

I've been apart from my gal for up to 6 months at a time. I usually end up working in places where there is no internet. Just send good old fashion letters, and when time permits make a call. At the present job, the Sat phone is a wee bit expensive to use on a regular basis, so it gets tough, but if she's a real woman, she'll handle it.Also tell her that someday maybe you'll be flying for the majors earning a 100G's a year. That will keep her attention!!!
Just think of how easy you have it compared to the soliders in WW2, etc. No phones, no computers, not knowing where you were even going. Many many people made lasting relationships through those hard times.
Good Luck.

red323 · Post by **red323** » Sun Jul 11, 2004 9:08 am

The long distance relationship eh. I've just completed move number 3 and this the second time I've left my wife to pursue my flying dream. In order for this to work both parties have to understand each others needs and goals. You can't expect her to give up her dreams of finishing school or landing her dream job but she has to understand the demands of our industry and the fact that at the end there might be that "pot of gold" the secure job that pays well and gives you lots of time off to spend with your loved one. It may mean making sacrifices now that hopefully will pay off in the future. Unfortunately the long distance thing can go 2 ways: "absence makes the heart grow fonder" or "absence makes the heart to wonder". I guess you have to decide which one you're relationship is more likely to follow. You also have to ask yourself what's most important in your life. Is it you job your woman or your lifestyle because each of these is going to be affected by your choice. As far as the long distance phone bill goes I'm with a company called ACN which offers a plan that costs $3.00/month and gives me $0.07/min anywhere in canada any time and FREE ACN to ACN calling any time. This means i can call my wife anytime and talk for as long as I want for free. Best of luck with your decision and good luck with your career.

Slick Fork · Post by **Slick Fork** » Sun Jul 11, 2004 12:05 pm

Having a wife will not ruin your aviation career. You have to believe this with all your soul, and she has to understand the demands of the industry and what it means to you to succeed. If you think she is holding you back you will resent her, and if she thinks you're abandoning her to go off to some northern dump and party she will resent you and no amount of good intentions will fix it.

That being said, there are jobs that you may get offered that you just cannot do because of the distance and "Time in" required. So by wanting to keep your marraige, you are limiting your options. I got into aviation after I got married and I promised my wife and myself that I would not sacrifice our marraige for a job. This has limited me to strictly summer jobs in the north until I can find a gig that allows me to bring her with me. It's tough to be gone for months on end, but it can be done. I know a lot of people who do this, so don't buy into the "You can't have a marraige and an airplane job" myth that the crusty old divorced guys give you!

If your wife is still in school she will have some flexibility as to where she wants to work once she's done and you have a better chance of getting her to relocate then you would if she was already started in a career.

Communication is the biggest thing, but you will have to make some decisions on your own. What comes first for you? and above all, pay attention to her. Watch for signs that the stress of it all is becoming too much, she won't always tell you before it's too late.

Good luck, it can be done!

cargo_guy · Post by **cargo_guy** » Sun Jul 11, 2004 1:26 pm

I appreciate all your responses. Its encouraging to hear that it can be done.

In my book my wife is number one, followed by flying. Still, I'd love to be able to give the flying thing one more try. Anyways, I might be jumping the gun, since I presently have no offers on the table. But my resumes are floating out there and if something comes up I'll have to consider it on a case by case basis. For instance, a 6 month contract would be easier to swallow than being tied down for 2 years.

My wife is understanding and supportive; as am I, of her pursuing her chosen career. So I am hopeful that if an opportunity presents itself, things will be ok between her and I. I guess time will tell.

corn-shoot · Post by **corn-shoot** » Mon Jul 12, 2004 7:41 am

Well I am having to struggle with it, but I am sure, for the right people it can be done...

You just can't win
And so it goes
Till the day you die
This thing they call love
It's gonna make you cry
I've had the blues
The reds and the pinks
One thing's for sure....

Love stinks!

yycflyguy · Post by **yycflyguy** » Mon Jul 12, 2004 7:01 pm

Meet your new wife...... warm in the winter and shaddy in the summer

Need advice - long distance relationship

Need advice - long distance relationship

It CAN work