An open letter to the FBO's of Canada

tailgunner · Post by **tailgunner** » Wed Jan 05, 2005 12:24 pm

Dear FBO's of Canada,
There are two things that we hard working pilots appreciate and need from you. They are CSR girls who are either pretty or have a genuinely nice personalty. We do not require them to be Cindy Crawford , but that their overall weight is less than that of Rosanne Barr. After a long flight walking into your establishment and seeing Jabba the Hutt is most distressing. When they have three chins and an *ss the size of a standard African hippo, it takes away your will to live. If they also had a personality that would be a bonus. We pilots are happy to accept a "heavy" if she exudes happiness, service, and a genuine effort to help us. Unfortunately, most of the CSR's hired in Canada look like they fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down, plus they have the personality of a troll. Please rectify this situation in your future hiring. If needed, I am sure that you could find a willing pilot to "prescreen" all CSR applicants.
Have a Happy New Year. OUT.

southbound · Post by **southbound** » Wed Jan 05, 2005 12:33 pm

Well well well. At the risk of sounding like a sloth......I must admit that an attractive CSR will revive even the most tired pilot.....this becomes even more important if you are cat drivers vintage :lol:

Headin' south

tailgunner · Post by **tailgunner** » Wed Jan 05, 2005 12:37 pm

Let me clarify. I am not saying that they need to dress slutty,or even act like tramps. I would just like it if they would wipe the mustard off their chins from lunchtime, and that they would change their shirts once their belly button sweat begins to show through.

winston · Post by **winston** » Wed Jan 05, 2005 12:41 pm

Hoss quickly picked his beer up from the table and turned to his father.

" Pa, I think there's trouble-a- brew'n, we best get back to the ranch before the bullets start flying"

tailgunner · Post by **tailgunner** » Wed Jan 05, 2005 12:43 pm

Winston...
No need to worry son. Fat people are jolly!!!

southbound · Post by **southbound** » Wed Jan 05, 2005 12:43 pm

Tail..........Once the female gender get a hold of you....you're gonna be missin' yours. Once again I must admit that a little mustard on the chin is a nasty sight at the end of a long leg. Honestly though, as long as the thighs don't meet at the knee all hope is not lost :shock:

Headin' south....quickly

tailgunner · Post by **tailgunner** » Wed Jan 05, 2005 12:47 pm

Most of those HAWGS just sit there all day makin' *ss-butter. I mean they should try and lift a finger once in a while. Cripes, the thought of "all that" just wallowing in putrid sweat gives me the shakes.

southbound · Post by **southbound** » Wed Jan 05, 2005 12:49 pm

YYYYYYYYYikes man, I will never have butter on my toast ever again.

southbound · Post by **southbound** » Wed Jan 05, 2005 12:53 pm

Tail.....does this mean that you won't go out of your way to butter her up?

tailgunner · Post by **tailgunner** » Wed Jan 05, 2005 1:00 pm

Unfortunately the only things that appeals to some of these Hawgs are mayo, poutine, pork-chops, and re-runs of Oprah Winfrey. I possess none of the above so I guess I will be outta luck. A little uprated heart beat might be good for some of these big- ole gals! Maybe a little peice of Cat Driver would help!!!:)

tailgunner · Post by **tailgunner** » Wed Jan 05, 2005 1:01 pm

Unfortunately the only things that appeals to some of these Hawgs are mayo, poutine, pork-chops, and re-runs of Oprah Winfrey. I possess none of the above so I guess I will be outta luck. A little uprated heart beat might be good for some of these big- ole gals! Maybe a little peice of Cat Driver would help!!!:) Cat's got big ole "round engine " time!!

tailgunner · Post by **tailgunner** » Wed Jan 05, 2005 1:01 pm

Unfortunately the only things that appeals to some of these Hawgs are mayo, poutine, pork-chops, and re-runs of Oprah Winfrey. I possess none of the above so I guess I will be outta luck. A little uprated heart beat might be good for some of these big- ole gals! Maybe a little peice of Cat Driver would help!!!:) Cat's got big ole "round engine " time!!

southbound · Post by **southbound** » Wed Jan 05, 2005 1:10 pm

I've had alot of good success at some of these facilities if I put out a salt like right by the front tire after I land. The heifers tend to stay right around the front of the a/c and lick the salt......you never have to yell very loud anymore to find them.

Northern Girl · Post by **Northern Girl** » Wed Jan 05, 2005 1:17 pm

Dear FBS's of Canada,
There are 2 things that we hard working female pilots out here need from you. They are CSR guys who are good looking and have a genuinly nice personality. They dont have to be Tom Cruise lookalikes but.............
please rectify this situation in your future hiring. May we suggest you accept all resumes from the Chippendales??
Northern Girl
Ps I am willing to help anytime with the screening.
Happy New Year
OUT

tailgunner · Post by **tailgunner** » Wed Jan 05, 2005 1:25 pm

Northern Girl.
Thank you for showing your interest in the problem at Canadian FBO's! However I feel that you are muddying the waters by introducing " Weiner" into the discussion.

There is no room for "weiner" at the front desks of any FBO.( I do feel that some of the above mentioned Hawgs are very mannish). To purposefully hire a " weiner" for the front desk is a serious crime against humanity.!!

southbound · Post by **southbound** » Wed Jan 05, 2005 1:25 pm

Nothern,

" how now brown cow"..........I totally disagree with the introduction of more male FBO CSR's. Gettin' a gentle pat on the "rump" roast from a male CSR after a long flight...welcoming me to his FBO just isn't the same.

southbound · Post by **southbound** » Wed Jan 05, 2005 1:32 pm

Tail...........

I agree fully. There should be a ban on all "weiner" at FBO's. I would gladly have a few big gals on the salt lick.....churrin' out butter than one "weiner" attentin' to my a/c.

w squared · Post by **w squared** » Wed Jan 05, 2005 1:34 pm

Speaking as a straight guy, guys at the FBO doesn't have the same appeal.

However, I have to applaud your sense of humour, Northern Girl

Thanks for demonstrating that ladies can play the game as well as or better than the boys.

tailgunner · Post by **tailgunner** » Wed Jan 05, 2005 1:35 pm

South...
As long as the big gals wore a bell around their neck like they are supposed to! Honestly, what is wrong with hiring a personable , attractive CSR who weighs under 1 ton?

southbound · Post by **southbound** » Wed Jan 05, 2005 1:40 pm

tail...............

You are so right once again. The true benefit of the bell is that you could leave the salt lick at home. "come boss, come boss" is all you would need to say and you would here her runnin' across the ramp.

tailgunner · Post by **tailgunner** » Wed Jan 05, 2005 1:47 pm

The ONLY time I have seen a " heavy"CSR move at a quickened pace is when they get a whiff of Tim Hortins. Like a bull moose in heat, they curl their upper lip as the drool begins to spill from their quivering lip. They yank up their sagging " wal - mart " special sweat pants as they follow the enticing odor. Faintly at first they seek out the sweet smell of a jelly donut. As she nears the stash of calorie induced euphoria her pace will quicken. Nobody in her way is safe, she will trample to death any one or thing in her path . Her hands will clutch the Tim H. box as she rips off the cover. Sweat , drool and *ss- butter goes flying as she dives into the tasty morsels. In an instant the box is devoured. Covering her rosy cheeks will be the icing sugar of two or three jellys that have disappeared down her throat. With the next A/C arrival the feeding frenzy will begin again. So is the circle of life at the Canadian FBO.

southbound · Post by **southbound** » Wed Jan 05, 2005 1:49 pm

As an FBO manager......if you must insist on hiring the big gal in sweat pants, that when she walks it looks like there are two pigs wreastlin in the sack......at least go out of your way to make her feel comfortable behing the desk. Once she nestles into the chair she ain't movin' and she'll get restless....so, put a little hay on the floor and scatter a little clover around the edge of the desk, sprinkle a little salt around the key board and she will settle right down.....it's very important to keep the air conditioning on or you will produce more butter than you can sell in a life time.

southbound · Post by **southbound** » Wed Jan 05, 2005 1:55 pm

There is a benefit to havin' a larger gal as a CSR. If you could get a harnass made for her she could back up to the challenger and move it around the ramp saving the tug for the smaller a/c that pull in........this would be safe on the environment and all that would be required would be a " weiner" holdin' a pail of oats about two feet from her nose to motivate her....works llike a charm

tailgunner · Post by **tailgunner** » Wed Jan 05, 2005 2:06 pm

South......
I think you have crossed the line. There is no way that big CSR gal, equipped with a harness, could pull a Challenger. A Hawker yes, but a Challenger no. Mind you, I have seen a VW beetle get trampled by a CSR girl during the rut. If one were to motivate her with a box of Tim H's jellies she might be able to, snorting, wheezing, and drooling, pull a Hawker down 15L at pearson!! However, I have also seen two small children get eaten by a CSR gal who , in a frenzy , thought they were ginger breadmen.

southbound · Post by **southbound** » Wed Jan 05, 2005 2:07 pm

The greatest difficulty comes in when you begin to cross the emotion boundaries that readily exist between CSR and customer. As you watch her work, there can tend to be a level of admiration develope for how much she can pull, eat, sweat, drink etc..........You may begin to have thoughts of wanting to take her home....please, please, please don't do it. For the love of all man kind don't do it....unless you own a Tim's franchise.