. Norris as a Pilot

[ScudRunner]

. Norris doesn't request clearances, he states intentions.

. Norris is the only person ever to land on runway 37.

Hijackers squawk 7500 when . Norris is on board

. Norris once shot down three enemy aircraft with his aux fuel tank.

If you ever lose sight of . Norris, check your six o'clock.

When . Norris taxies onto the runway, incoming traffic is told to hold
short

. Norris never "loses" altitude, he simply gets rid of it when he no
longer has any use for it.

A precautionary approach according to . Norris is sneaking up on
someone from behind right before he breaks their neck with a judo chop

. Norris has never landed with a crosswind. The wind would never dare
get cross with . Norris.

. Norris doesn't fly into headwinds...the wind is always running away
from . Norris.

When . Norris flies, the altimeter setting is 00.00. . Norris is
never under pressure.

. Norris does not have to worry about crashing into the ground. The
ground will gladly get out of . Norris' way.

. Norris has never had a midair collision, He has shot down any plane
that has gotten within 10 miles

When told to break at the numbers, . Norris politely reminded the
controller that . Norris cannot be broken and proceeded with the
straight in.

. Norris was taking the active runway and noticed the windsock was
pointed in his direction. . Norris calmly got out of his helicopter,
walked over to the windsock and obliterated it with a double roundhouse
kick. No one points at . Norris...no one.

Right of Way rules do not apply when . Norris is flying. If you are
flying toward . Norris, you are wrong.

. Norris doesn't shoot approaches...he kills them.

. Norris is never off of glideslope, the glideslope is off of .
Norris

Two way contact for . Norris is when he hits you with both fists
simultaneously

Once, . Norris was told to down one of his students. That student is
still recovering from his injuries.

. Yeager broke the sound barrier with his Bell X-1 Jet. . Norris
broke the sound barrier with his fist.

. Norris doesn't manage operational risk...he seeks it.

Crew-served weapons are not safe until . Norris takes his hand off of
the trigger.

. Norris was told to ident, the controller was greeted with a fist
coming out of his radar screen.

. Norris doesn't level off; he tells the altimeter to stop moving

. Norris doesn't need crew rest...he never sleeps.

. Norris was once denied a clearance...once

Shock and Awe are the names of . Norris' legs

Minimum Safe Altitudes do not apply when . Norris is airborne, if you
are in the air when . Norris is flying you are never safe.

. Norris is never given the instructions "when able" . . Norris is
never unable to do anything.

Favorable winds are always in the same direction as . Norris' flight
path

. Norris was flying and saw a wall of clouds ahead so he decided to
punch through them. He then got back in his helicopter and flew through the
hole he just made.

. Norris has never had to adapt his eyes to the dark. His infrared
vision is working perfectly fine.

. Norris doesn't have emergencies, only moments of brief excitement.

When asked for a time check, . Norris replied, "Two til". The other
pilot said "Two til what". Two seconds later the pilot was kicked in the
face by a lightning fast round house kick.

A permanent TFR surrounds . Norris...no one is safe.

. Norris' aviators are mirrored, this is so you can see your expression
the moment before he kicks your face in.

. Norris cannot be tracked on radar, if he appears, it is too late; you
are already dead.

A good flight for . Norris is a bad flight for you.

A Flight Docs gives med up chits, . Norris gives med down kicks.

Leading cause of disorientation for pilots: . Norris

If you become hypoxic during flight; apologize to Mr. Norris and ask him to
remove his foot from your throat.

. Norris never turns up the volume on his radios, he tells everyone
else to speak louder.

. Norris once moved a stationary front.

All survival vests will be fitted with a . Norris.


A sonic boom is the sound of . Norris smacking you in the face telling
you to slow the hell down.

. Norris isn't holding, he is circling above his victims.

. Norris provides close air support via flying round house kicks.

The weather outlook for the area around . Norris: 100% Chance of Pain

Getting acute with . Norris will be your last mistake.

There is no need to use your rearview mirrors, rest assured; . Norris
will always be there.

No one knows what . Norris' tale number is, nobody has ever gotten that
close.

There are two kinds of fighter pilots: those who have not yet challenged
. Norris to a dog fight and those who have. Unfortunately, we have been
unable to find any who have challenged him.

[Labour Board]

. Norris and I have so much in common

[benoit.baril]

. Norris once flew to the Virgin Islands...
They are now known as the Islands.

[C23flyer]

. Norris vs . Zito. I say Zito.

[sky's the limit]

And of course . flies a..... Helicopter... Obviously an enlightened man as well...

stl

[niss]

. Norris does not believe in Bernulli's or Newtons explanations. Every action has an equal and opposite round house kick.

. Norris requires no aircraft to fly. The earth has no hold on . Norris.

. Norris broke the law of gravity and Issac Newtons neck.

FSS calls . Norris for a weather briefing, he is never wrong.

. Norris is always #1 to land....always.

[sky's the limit]

Touche

[Four1oh]

@#$!'n . Norris...

[ScurvyDog]

I once was a f/o on a small jet in the southern states, and the owner said we have to go to KXXX airport to pick up a buddy. The capt and I flew over to meet the buddy and it happened to be . Norris. Nice guy, but as mean looking in real life as in the movies!!! Holy ripped for his age!!! The guy looks solid.

[TopperHarley]

. Norris was only an FO once in his lifetime. It was when he was flying with MacGyver.

[sky's the limit]

. Norris was only an FO once in his lifetime. It was when he was flying with MacGyver.

Yeah, yeah, we know.

McGyver asked for peanuts and and coffee - . Norris is now the Captain....

stl

[sdogg0]

Those are pretty good jokes.
Great laughs

[the_professor]

. Norris was only an FO once in his lifetime. It was when he was flying with MacGyver.

Yeah, yeah, we know.

McGyver asked for peanuts and and coffee - . Norris is now the Captain....

stl

Now THAT is funny.

[reality check]

I saw . flying last month, I've been blind ever since

[niss]

. Norris can squawk ident 9999.

. Norris doesn't fly VFR or IFR, . Norris makes his own rules.

. Norris doesn't have to remember light gun signals, he is always cleared to land.

[bmc]

. Norris posts on Avcanada under several popular user names.

[the_professor]

LOL for many of those references in the first post, esp:

"When asked for a time check, . Norris replied, "Two til". The other
pilot said "Two til what". Two seconds later the pilot was kicked in the
face by a lightning fast round house kick."