This one made me laugh. Musta been too tired to see the punchline coming.
Two Crocodiles were sitting at the side of the swamp near the Ottawa river. The smaller one turned to the bigger one and said,'I can't understand how you can be so much bigger than me. We're the same age and we were the same size as kids. I just don't get it.'
'Well,' said the big Crock, 'what have you been eating?'
'Politicians, same as you,' replied the small 'Crock.
'Hmm. Well, where do you catch them?'
'Down the other side of the swamp near the parking lot by the Parliament Buildings.'
'Same here. Hmm... How do you catch them?'
'Well, I crawl up under one of their Lexus cars and wait for one to unlock the car door. Then I jump out, grab them by the leg, shake the shit out of them and eat 'em!'
'Ah!' says the big Crocodile, 'I think I see your problem. You're not getting any real nourishment. See, by the time you finish shaking the shit out of a Politician, there's nothing left but an asshole and a briefcase...'
Political joke for the day
Moderators: sky's the limit, sepia, Sulako, lilfssister, North Shore
Re: Political joke for the day
Do you know what happens when a politician takes Viagra ???
He gets taller
He gets taller
Re: Political joke for the day
Ransom Demand
A driver is stuck in a traffic jam on the motorway. Nothing is moving.
Suddenly a man knocks on the window.
The driver rolls down his window and asks, 'What's going on?'
'Terrorists down the road have kidnapped Stephen Harper,Stephane Dion & Jack Layton
They're asking for a $10 million ransom.
Otherwise they're going to douse them with gasoline and set them on fire.
We're going from car to car, taking up a collection.'
The driver asks, 'How much is everyone giving, on average?'
'Most people are giving about 4 liters'
A driver is stuck in a traffic jam on the motorway. Nothing is moving.
Suddenly a man knocks on the window.
The driver rolls down his window and asks, 'What's going on?'
'Terrorists down the road have kidnapped Stephen Harper,Stephane Dion & Jack Layton
They're asking for a $10 million ransom.
Otherwise they're going to douse them with gasoline and set them on fire.
We're going from car to car, taking up a collection.'
The driver asks, 'How much is everyone giving, on average?'
'Most people are giving about 4 liters'
Drinking outside the box.
-
ScudRunner
- Rank 11
- Posts: 3239
- Joined: Tue Jun 08, 2004 11:58 am
Re: Political joke for the day
A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."
The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.
She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be a Conservative."
"I am," replied the man. "How did you know?"
"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help to me."
The man smiled and responded, "You must be a Liberal."
"I am,"! replied the balloonist. "How did you know?"
"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You've risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but, somehow, now it's my fault."
The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.
She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be a Conservative."
"I am," replied the man. "How did you know?"
"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help to me."
The man smiled and responded, "You must be a Liberal."
"I am,"! replied the balloonist. "How did you know?"
"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You've risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but, somehow, now it's my fault."
