An Ode to my Car

Mostly Harmless · Post by **Mostly Harmless** » Thu Mar 11, 2004 10:59 am

I just recently bought my first non-pilot car. That’s right, first one in a decade that cost more that $500. So,

An Ode to my car

I have driven it near
I have driven it far
I have driven enough mileage to reach a star
I will not miss my 500-dollar car

No longer will I have to pray
Will my car start today
Especially when it’s cold and grey
My neighbors no longer get a display

In the cold, in the Snow
When it is 40 below
There’ll be no fixing, there’ll be no tow
Just to make that damn car go

It does not groan
It does not creak
It does not moan
It does not Leak

It does not veer
On it’s own it does not steer
Not driving like I’ve had too much beer
Driving straight, it is most queer

It does not smoke
It does not burn
When I release the wheel
It does not turn

It does not shimmy
It does not shake
No parts fly off no paint does flake
I do not fear that it will break

These fenders really are a must
It has no dents
It has no rust
It does not slowly turn to dust

No transplanted parts from many a car
Coming From both near and far
Oh, it’s not a Frankencar
I will not miss my 500-dollar car

No longer will I fill my trunk
With tool and parts and all that junk
No longer will I transfuse
All the fluids that cars use

Now when I turn the ignition key
A starting engine I shall see
Instead of heart hung low about my knee
Trust me, there will be much glee

The windows roll both up and down
The doors work all the way around
I am not embarrassed to be seen in town
Now that I can get around

The radio gets FM too
Now I listen to Guess Who
Surely this is too good to be true
I’m so happy I don’t know what to do

At home
Or work
Or at the bar
I will not miss my 500-dollar car

-Mostly Harmless

N8 · Post by N8 » Thu Mar 11, 2004 11:11 am

Hope you like your car that's new.
By the way, nice poem too.
P.S. Can I buy your old car from you?

Mostly Harmless · Post by **Mostly Harmless** » Thu Mar 11, 2004 12:49 pm

The engine finally died
When it was towed, no one cried
Organ donor now, it’s true
So I cannot sell it to you

Kahlua · Post by **Kahlua** » Thu Mar 11, 2004 12:53 pm

Wanna buy a car? PM me

N8 · Post by N8 » Thu Mar 11, 2004 1:10 pm

I’ll find a car another time
No need to buy a land mine.
I guess my current car is fine.
How much longer can we speak in rhyme?

shitdisturber · Post by **shitdisturber** » Thu Mar 11, 2004 2:03 pm

Your car it was a piece of shit
This new one i'm sure, will follow it
Not because, it's a bad truck
But just because, that is your luck!

Panama Jack · Post by **Panama Jack** » Thu Mar 11, 2004 2:44 pm

A few years ago I was hell bent for leather on buying a used Lada. Had one picked out-- for somewhere between $2000 and $3000, with green fluid dripping from under the hood and those cool little Mercedes-style wipers over the headlights. My wife pleaded with me, as only a woman can, not to buy it . Me, being as stubborn as only a man can be, grudingly listened to her, and bought a more up-model 4-door japanese sedan with power windows and cruise control.

A couple of years later, I sold the sedan to a taxi-driver friend. I was telling him that originally, I wanted to buy a Lada.

"A Lada?", he said. "A Lada is a car that you'll have for the rest of your life."

Encouraged by what I was hearing, I said "Really?!?!?!"

"Yes," he said. "If you buy a Lada, you'll have it for the rest of your life because nobody will ever buy it off you."

N8 · Post by N8 » Thu Mar 11, 2004 3:26 pm

Panama Jack don’t get me wrong
Your story was great but not in song
Try it again, I’m sure you’ll do fine
Just make your next post sound like mine.

CF-RYE · Post by **CF-RYE** » Thu Mar 11, 2004 4:45 pm

The locks on my car are broken I’ve got to use a f**kn coat hanger, if a girly sees my car their is no chance I’ll ever bang her.

-A.S.

justplanecrazy · Post by **justplanecrazy** » Thu Mar 11, 2004 5:55 pm

This Ryhme I must now join
As it truly speaks to my groin
Normal cars will make me lust
As mine continues to rust

Why must us pilots be so poor
Why can't we be more like a whore
For whores are who we are
As our bosses stumble to the bar

We will fly come night or day
We will fly as weddings turn gay
The world is not part of us
We continue to work and cuss

justplanecrazy · Post by **justplanecrazy** » Thu Mar 11, 2004 6:33 pm

How much longer can we speak in rhyme?
till the cows come home and their bells chyme,
Why not change this forum
to a singing story telling chorum

For Choirs never do sound dreary
But rather make us quite creamy
Oh wait that was the choir leader
Whose legs made me want to eat her

But how did we get so off chorus?
This post was really starting to bore us,
So please now join me in Rhyme,
As tails of tail we seek with lime.

Long nails, fake tits, tight thighs,
Now this really speeks to our eyes,
So join me now all who are dreary,
And post about those that make you creamy.

justplanecrazy · Post by **justplanecrazy** » Thu Mar 11, 2004 6:42 pm

Why won't anyone reply to this post,
Oh well I shall continue to host,
How fun it is to dream,
About those that make you cream,

Where have the moderators gone?
Why haven't they stopped this song?
What is this Forum coming too?
Soon you'll see talk of poo.

So stop me now I plead,
This is growing like a weed,
Like weed planted in BC
I can't stop what I can't see

So weed I should go and smoke
For I have no more crack or coke,
Pppphhhhhh......
AAAaaaaahhhhhhh

e300d · Post by **e300d** » Thu Mar 11, 2004 7:03 pm

Quite a funny post, especially the poems.

So what vehicles do you avcanada fellows drive around?

I don't have a car just yet but once I'll finish school and head out to look for a job, a car will probably be necessary.
I am thinking the good old "Honda" civic hatch or a vw diesel? perhaps a truck?

oldtimer · Post by **oldtimer** » Thu Mar 11, 2004 10:41 pm

sebastian - If you come out west to Alberta, and thats not a bad idea, you will need a "cowboy Caddilac" sometimes known as a pick-up truck. without a truck, you are a nobody, an unmentionable, the scum of the earth, the lowest of the low. If you have a truck, you are a stud, the smartest, sexyist, chick magnet ever. You have to beat the chicks off with a big stick. Better yet, tell them you are a pilot, as in "Mile High Club", they will be throwing panties at you, swooning, making suggestive remarks, the whole nine yards. And with a 4X4, well, that the end is near. Hog heaven.

Panama Jack · Post by **Panama Jack** » Thu Mar 11, 2004 10:54 pm

N8 wrote:Panama Jack don’t get me wrong
Your story was great but not in song
Try it again, I’m sure you’ll do fine
Just make your next post sound like mine.

N8:

For lacking rhyme, I'm not part of the group.

I'm going to bed, I feel pooped. sleepy

... · Post by **...** » Fri Mar 12, 2004 7:06 am

Enny, Meeny, minny moe,
Shut the heck up and drive that Hoe.
If you decide not to fly,
You'll be driving to the unemployment line.

(whatever)

ndb · Post by **ndb** » Fri Mar 12, 2004 11:02 am

A good pilot I know
has a Lamborghini Diablo
powerful, fast, wide and low,
he didn't get it by driving a 'Ho.

Wasn't a taxi driver for natives,
never wore polyster,
never drove an air bus.

But he has more fun
than any ten people I know,
with his boats, motorcycles,
planes and Diablo

I got this off the web - this ain't his:

http://thecars.free.fr/wall/wall27/lamb ... _vt_04.jpg

corn-shoot · Post by **corn-shoot** » Fri Mar 12, 2004 12:00 pm

Hickery, Dickery, Dock, the last 2 poems sucked cock-le doodle doo.

... · Post by **...** » Fri Mar 12, 2004 12:06 pm

corn-shoot wrote:Hickery, Dickery, Dock, the last 2 poems sucked cock-le doodle doo.

ndb · Post by **ndb** » Fri Mar 12, 2004 12:33 pm

Some folk 'round here
Don't like Corn-shoot

They say his head
is full of poop.

But I know that ain't true
Corn-shoot's head's not full of poo.

It's true sometimes that he ain't here
but I don't worry, I have no fear.

Some people say it's writer's block
But I know his mouth's chock full of kok.

corn-shoot · Post by **corn-shoot** » Fri Mar 12, 2004 12:41 pm

Hahaha, I love how you took my post and reversed it on me. I'll meet you at the bike rack after your last class today.

... · Post by **...** » Fri Mar 12, 2004 12:57 pm

corn-shoot wrote:Hahaha, I love how you took my post and reversed it on me. I'll meet you at the bike rack after your last class today.

justplanecrazy · Post by **justplanecrazy** » Fri Mar 12, 2004 6:25 pm

Why did I post such a stupid Rhyme,
I can't believe I had the time,
All your respect I have now lost,
Don't do drugs, this is the cost,

And so I end this dreary tale,
As I walk outside to that gusty gale,
I climb into that faded old cockpit,
I belong in one place and this is it.

shitdisturber · Post by **shitdisturber** » Fri Mar 12, 2004 7:14 pm

Don't worry about the cost
Our respect you haven't lost
I hope my words, don't make you feel bad
But you cannot lose, what you never had

Motiveflow · Post by **Motiveflow** » Fri Mar 12, 2004 9:04 pm

Every morning
two turns more battery
thats all I ask,
then you sleep fitfully
till I need you to turn once more

dispatcher if airplane broken
your call
would have stopped
many highway miles
and waste of gas.

Silly student
do not that again
unless it is death you truly seek
in which case
You fly solo

Screaming kidneys
ignore the bouncing
plus or minus 200 feet
Remember?
You were once the same, yet less obtuse.

Free debriefing
Just like the lawyer ..
Wait a minute
YOU MUST PAY HIM
Why not me?

Mr. Landlord
I'm a pilot
Revere in wonder
at my mastery of air and sky
Can you wait till end of week?

Oh Kraft dinner
Food of champions
Who're on welfare
or disabled
Would you like to see my licence?

An Ode to my Car

An Ode to my Car

Haiku