Funny moments in the cockpit

[ruddersup?]

Not sure if there has been a thread on funny moments in the cockpit. If not I'm sure everyone could use a laugh and maybe even learn a thing or two.

[gustind]

You: You have control......
Other person: No I don't.....
You: Meh

[ruddersup?]

A daughter chartered me to fly her over a particular spot so she could spread her deceased mother's ashes. I agreed to this and it sounded like it would be straight forward. I put her in the back seat on my side so I could open my window easily. Got to the location, slowed it down but forgot to brief her on how to do this properly. I knew how I wanted it done but damn when I opened the window she immediately took the lid off and began dumping the ashes. Well sir the cockpit filled up with coarse ashes (ground up bones) and we inhaled mother for several minutes. Yuk.

[Cap'n P8]

I was flying some freight to Fort Hope from Pickle Lake in a Caravan, and the boss had asked me to take a local back home since I was going there anyways. After passing the half way mark, he asked me if he could finish his beavertail. Me being from the Ottawa valley area, my first thought was mmmmmm beavertails (pastry thingy with cinnamon and brown sugar). So I says fill yer boots. Whereby he whips out a bottle of rye (with about one tsp missing) and downs the whole bottle.

I guess I was a little naive!

[armowings]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZQLeBNhsyj8
this is a funny video when the pilot decides to put full power after 100kts and laughing while taking off

[mathewc]

For my first spin, my instructor demonstrates one without telling me what we are doing and it was an extremely violent spin. After recovery he says: "Wow, that was a hell of a lot more violent than I have ever done!"

That was a great and terrifying introduction to spins.

[Connaught]

taxiing a dash to the gate after the night at the hanger in yyc, got to the apron, waiting for a break in the radio traffic, 5 am is busy on apron freq at yyc, (remember we had were in the final 90 minutes of a 12 hour night shift) and we hear "morning tower this is Air Canada flight xxxx and 'weeeeeeeee;rrrrrrrrrrreeee going to winnipeg' requesting clearance" just like the old crappy tire commercial,

almost pissed myself

[Rudder Bug]

A few years back…I am checking out Lucky 37 left seat in a Turbo Otter. He’s our hardest-working dockhand by then, thus really burned-out. We’ve had a long day are very very tired, (almost) timed-ex as usual and I know I can sleep deep when he flies.

I notice various power/flaps/trim settings, making me think he’s exploring his aircraft, wow, what a cool guy, he trains himself well. Then I really wake-up because we are short final, full flaps to an unknown lake. I ask Lucky what he’s doing. -"I’m landing at the base as usual, why?" I immediately firewall the power and prop levers, pointing out we are still 25 miles back! The narrow bay and the weeds looked so much like our base, but there was no base!

[Canoehead]

Getting the clearance from YTS radio leaving YMO one day. I'm copying it down as we taxi to the button, and then I read it back. Can't figure out why my F/O is sitting over there pissing himself... then he suggests I key the PTT to read it back instead of the button on the end of my Parker pen....

[ski_bum]

From back when I was instructing. Had a student who's english was by no means good, we had spent about 20 hours or so together in the plane. We were taxing out to go do our run-up, pull into the bay, he grabs the checklist, powers up then looks at me and ask, "Steve, where is the position aircraft into wind button?" in his thick indian accent... If I wasn't jammed into a 152, I would have fallen over.

[JayVee]

Blasting off of YVZ on a rainy day in the 99, lots of standing water, small potholes, pouring rain, wipers wiping.
Pounding down the runway, going deaf from all the rattling, my F/O looks over as I'm hanging on getting soaked in the face by the dirty brown water coming in from somewhere. I thought we had a hole in the floor thru which nosewheel spray was coming in.
He yells, "are we okay?"
"yeah!, yeah, we're good! just water comin in from the floor! We'll keep going!"
After we're airborne, gear's up, he looked over and as I'm still being sprayed in the face by the "runway" water he burst out laughing.
He then reached down and moved the punctured can of Barq's from beside my seat rail. At this point the spraying subsided, just the residual dripping off the ceiling and me showered with sticky rootbeer.

Another rootbeer story, not in the cockpit, but still kinda funny..
When I was 10 and my brother was 9, we had swiped a can of rootbeer while mom wasn't looking. We took it into the bathroom and shut the door to further conceal our treat from mom.
On the way to the bathroom I gave the can a vigorous covert shaking before giving it to my brother to open.

Good timing came thereafter as my mother just happened to be walking by the bathroom door as I was providing advice to my brother on how to quickly drink the rootbeer foam.

"Suck it!, suck it!" I yelled just prior to the door being flung open and being caught in the act...of drinking rootbeer.

Not sure why we didn't get into trouble for stealing that day...

[hydraulic fluid]

Years ago I was flying a single otter in Northeren Sask. with a couple local fishermen and gear going uot for the winter.Half way there I could smell something burning,looking around the cockpit I could find nothing,looked in the back and there is this native kid smoking a big fat one.Deciding to give him a little scare I switched to a empty tank,A few minutes later the engine stopped,I looked around the cockpit,not finding what I was looking for....I yelled out to the passengers, any one see my parachute as I cracked open the door.....after havin a good laugh I switched tanks and went on our merry way.The rest of the flight went smoke free.

[Siddley Hawker]

Years ago one winter if there was nothing for the 185 or the Beaver, I flew as crewman on the DC-3. One morning after the night before at the Legion, the Captain cut one that pretty nearly had the headliner hanging off the roof. The smell got sucked into the janitrol and the fragrant aroma of last night's Molson got wafted through the cabin. I went back and peeked through the little one way mirror between the cockpit and the cabin, and a bunch of the pax were giving each other strange looks. We used to keep a roll of toilet paper on the bungee cord between the locking handles of the cockpit escape hatch, so the co-pilot said to take the toilet paper and roll it down the aisle. The first one to reach out and grap it, the rest of the passengers would think he's shat himself and we'd be off the hook.

[iflyforpie]

I was doing my PPL in Kelowna in a 172 and just about call up at Fintry inbound when I hear on Tower Frequency: "Ladies and gentlemen this is your pilot speaking. We've started our final approach into Kelowna. Please ensure your seat backs and tray tables are secure, and your seat belts are fastened. Current temperature in Kelowna is 25 degrees and we anticipate landing in about ten minutes. On behalf of all our crew, thank you for flying West Jet!"

[Alpha Crit]

Many years ago, while still in the Air Force, I was flying Grumman Trackers based out of Shearwater, Nova Scotia. Depending on air temp and sea temp, we quite often had to wear "Poopee Suits", a rubberized suit with elastic neck and cuffs that would help prolong the agony if we ever had to ditch in the Atlantic. Another advantage of the Poopee Suit was that you could fart to your hearts content, and no one would know. On this one particular day, I noticed that my buddy in the right seat was doing a lot of shifting, and I knew he was having a particularly gaseous day, which didn't bother me at all as his suit was serving its purpose. It was he who had to steep in it. Towards the end of our patrol, he reached up and opened the overhead hatch. Again, not that unusual ... I figured he just wanted a little fresh air. Then I noticed him fiddling with the cuffs of his Poopee Suit. Next thing I know, he thrusts one arm out the overhead hatch, and the other in my face. His suit inflates like a blowfish, and I get a days worth of his byproduct under high pressure right in the face, while he laughs his head off.

[Pirate Pilot]

Early in my multi training my friend asked how it was going. I commented that I was reasonably comfortable but I was struggling in the circuit as everything happens much faster in a twin and I was concerned.
He related that during his early training he was pounding around the circuit with his instructor and the situation was getting a little bit out of hand. At some point the frustrated instructor said " Hey, don't worry if we crash....You're so far behind this aircraft you'll never get hurt....You're not even in the same time zone" !!

[ex-NWT]

The airplane food got to me and I just had to let one go.
I handed over the controls and tried to make it out of the cockpit before I 'broke wind'
No such luck, but I got out of there asap anyway
When I got back:

[mbav8r]

It's funny, the funniest stories seem to be the fart ones. Here's another, flying with a new F/O, we were cruising along and I must of had alot of protein the day before(by protein I mean beer), anyway I let a good one go and then asked the F/O if she could smell smoke coming from the centre console. Well as I thought might happen, she leaned in towards the centre and took a good long deep snif. The look on her face was so priceless.
Needless to say I nearly pissed myself laughing, and if there's anyone out there saying, I had a captain do that to me, we probably flew together because I had to break in new F/O's somehow.

[mbav8r]

Come on, no more funny stories.

[2R]

FO screaming "OH MY FUCKING GOD WE ARE ALL GOING TO FUCKING DIE" on the P.A. system as we circled to land before a fog bank rolled over an airport as the P.A. had a stuck mike it was annoying and almost distracting at the time ,now i laugh at it now.
Anyhoo that is a four beer story and after you have bought four beers i will tell it ,the punch line is that guy is trying to upgrade this year

[Sparksinthenightsky]

On a VFR day back in '05, I was flying FO on a med-evac flight. The captain requested the ILS for the runway in use and then instructed me to dial up the stand-by ADF to a frequency I had never used. I am happy to say that I've shot an ILS to minimums while listening to the remix of "little less conversation - by Elvis Presley". Had a good laugh that day. After a few beers the captain recalled it being in a fog bank and single engine ! HA...pilots.

[co-joe]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NAccdDwhJ9k

Just when you figure you've seen every funny airplane video clip, someone sends you the link to another one...

[ruddersup?]

While flying fishermen in my 185 floatplane on a hot and muggy day I had the most disgusting smell fill the cockpit. Everyone looked around to see who was the guilty one but the smell was so bad it could not have come from digestive tract of a human. It was all you could do to keep from barfing. It happened a couple of times again but never on the water, only as I went through about 1000 feet. Once at altitude (usually 2500 feet) it would go away. Never showed up during descent or landing. I did finally find the culprit. It turned out to be a styrofoam container of rotten dew worms that were jambed under the copilit seat for I don't know how long. The expansion of the air in the container during climbout would shoot out this hair curling smell. Can you imagine the potency of the fumes with only a popcorn fart of vapour being expelled? I can't imagine what the fisherman I flew were thinking. I never had the chance to expain it to them. An no I did not open the container to see if there were actually worms inside.

[iflyforpie]

Not while flying but when I was doing maintenance.

Closeup is always a crazy time on a larger aircraft. It is usually the time where you find out how many people fit into an aircraft cockpit (seats removed of course). Mechs are usually sitting on the floor, moving rudder pedals or yokes, flap handles, spoilers, etc to check rigging. Avionics guys are always the last to finish and function check their stuff, usually standing behind the mechs working on head units, instruments or CB panels. The groomers and interior crews are stuffed in the remaining places, installing the last trim panels and trying to clean everything up. And then the painters, detailing the last of the panel scratches from the captain's boots with flat gray.

On a hot day, there is usually a large fan just outside the cockpit door, allowing some fresh air to get through the press of humanity.

This one mech who worked there had an interesting diet. He liked to eat sausages, boiled eggs, and sauerkraut every day for lunch. Then he would stand in front of the fan and let'r rip, so all of us in the cockpit would have to bail out or hold our breath if we were in the middle of a check. He would do this over and over, giggling like a little girl every time he did it.

So the production manager comes by and is wondering why we are baling out of the aircraft every half-hour or so, as the plane was late (aren't they all) and we needed to get back in there and get to work. So we tell him what is going on.

The culprit is then hauled up to the office and told to change his diet and quit farting in the aircraft, because his actions are holding up production.

[Driving Rain]

Back in my Austin Airway days as a crew man I was called up front to get the captain a sick bag. I thought ya right, but when I looked at the captain he looked green. I did as I was told.
I can't stand the smell of puke so I gave him the bag and went back to the cabin and took my seat. A few minutes later I was again called up to get rid of the now full and warm puke bag. The pilot handed it to me but just as he did the co-pilot took the bag from my hands and said "hey this stuff is still warm " He then opened the bag and poured the contents into his mouth. I did everything I could to hold my cookies.
What I didn't know at the time was they had poured the contents of the co-pilots thermos ...chicken noodle soup into the bag.
I'm sure they had a good laugh.