If only this were true...

[Driving Rain]

Apology to a Mugger
This Ad Was Placed in the Personal column of a newspaper in Georgia.

To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last. Date: 05-27-09, 1:43 AM EST.
I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on my girlfriend, threatening our lives and me.
You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings.
I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message.
First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason.
My girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber Model 1911 .45 A CP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening.
Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head wasn't it?

I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from bare footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again.
After I called your mother, or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of what you'd done. Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as four other people's in the gas station on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful!
I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Long's Drugstore, along with all the cash in your wallet. That made his day!
I then threw your wallet into a dumpster.
Later, I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone. AT&T just now shut down the line, although I only used the phone for a little over a day now, so what's going on with that?
Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while mentioning President Obama as my possible target. The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat - I guess while he traced your number etc.
In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you ... but I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider the career path you've chosen to pursue in life.
Remember, next time you might not be so lucky.
Have a good day!
Thoughtfully yours,
Alex

[Hedley]

*** edited ***

[niss]

[...]

I highly suspect that the mugger was a pilot on food stamps.

Coming soon to a cockpit near you

[. ._]

I'm pretty sure in Canada they'd put you in jail for
defending yourself against a mugger.

The mugger, meanwhile, would get government-subsidized
post-traumatic stress disorder counselling

In this case, yes, because the gun pointed at his head is an escalation of force greater than the mugger's kife. So if the mugger has a good lawyer, that's attempted murder.

The guy stole the mugger's stuff- theft under or over whatever the number is.

Calling his mom? Harrassment?

A little verbal assault thrown in there, and by printing it maybe libel?

My SUPER uneducated guess is about 20 years of being raped, maybe out in 10 for good behaviour.

Hey, we vote for these people that make the rules. Keep voting Conservative and Liberal and you will keep getting the same results, IMHO.

-istp

[b1ngnx33]

Guns SAVE lives.

Guns are good for self-defense.

Guns are just awesome.

Guns are just more effective at solving problems that involve criminals.

If guns are outlawed, the outlaws will first laugh their ass off, rob anyone they want, and take over the damn country.