What do you do when...

[gaypilot]

Life just becomes too much?

So here is the situation, I am married to my career and have poured all my resources into my career to the extent that I am barely making ends meet or getting deeper in debt every day. Don't get me wrong I love my job and my situation is 100% my own fault and not 100% aviation related. Sympathy is right between shit and syphilis in the dictionary don't you know. The problem is I am just not fulfilled. Single, and seems like every day I get deeper and deeper into a rut that is getting harder and harder to climb out of. There are days I think I should have just never gotten that blasted PPL and been happy in doing what I was for good money. When I am working and busy all is well, but time alone I am deeply depressed. I drink too much. Not to the point where I ever show up for work with even a hint of booze on my breath, I never drink the night before work, but all other occasions the gloves are off. I know if I go seek help they will want me on meds and poof there goes my ability to work. See #1 with regards working. I need to work, barely getting by, disability will not even come close.

So what do you do, when life has you down and you feel you have no way out at all.

Note: I will never ever do anything unprofessional at work. I always show up ready and capable of performing my job, and will execute to my highest standards. To not do so would be against my entire being and moral values.

[jet a1]

hang in there buddy, that's all i've got for ya. as cheesy as it sounds, time does seem to heal all wounds. try to enjoy the ride and just realize that when you come out the other end, you'll be a better, stronger person for having gone through it. if ya can try and take a bit of a vacation or something even for a few days.
i'm sure there's a bunch of guys/gals on here with better advice but there's also few thousand that will listen.
jet.

[LegoMan]

Sounds like you could use a change. Perhaps if things are not going to well it might be a good idea to change occupations, at least for a while. You may find that you are happier flying only as a hobby, will have a life, make more money and perhaps even address the single issue. No job should make you feel the way you do and certainly not risk you quality of life for it. Just a thought.

[zed]

You might want to start with finding yourself a financial counseller. NOT one who sells financial products, but one who all they do is help you figure things out. Many things can be helped by bringing in an impartial party to take a look at your situation and money issues is a big one where outside help does wonders to your understanding and clarity. You may find that they will be able to help you and you will learn a few things as well. Note however, they will not be waving any magic wands to make your problems go away. But they can really help your financial side by helping you develop a financial action plan. Try this as a first step and see if getting your financial house in order helps with the other things.

But to be honest, you don't know they will be perscribing drugs until you talk to them. So don't be shy about getting help! You've pretty much acknowledged that you know you should, so follow your instincts and trust yourself on it.

When you're icing up while flying, you don't just ignore it do you? So don't do that with your life! Take positive actions that will address the issue(s) that you've identified as problems.

There's plenty of folk who give a crap, so don't forget that.

[CFR]

There are new rules with regards to meds for depression. It is NOT an automatic life time grounding. 6 months of stability on meds and in many cases you can fly again. An attestation every 6 months by your MD for a PPL or regular visits to a psychiatrist for a commercial, can get sufferers back in the air, your CAME will have the latest info. Take the rest of the advice here, get financial counseling (orderly payment of debts OR bankruptcy is an option) and see your MD. There is always a way out! I waited too long and ended up miserable for many years, thinking I could talk myself out of it. As my MD said, it’s like trying to talk yourself out of a heart attack.

Things have turned for the better for me, and likely can for you too.

[xsbank]

Positive control is required - financial counseling, yes, but personal counseling, first. Meds are prescribed if you are "clinically depressed" but otherwise not so you may not need to go that road. Problems are you might be in a small community with limited access to the help you need so creativity might be required - a high school counselor (they train at the same places as 'regular' counselors) or a minister etc.

Remember that if you are distracted or depressed when you fly you are not dedicating all of your ability to being SAFE even though you think you are not hung-over. You are, despite your denial, seriously compromising your and your passenger's safety.

Booze is a depressant. Many pilots have gone down that road and become addicted. You are in trouble and are seeking relief with your boozy sessions. Careful.

Try to get a referral from a Doc. (NOT your TC guy). Shrinks are covered by your Provincial plan, but they are hard to see with long waiting lists. Try and jump the queue. There are also help lines you can call with dedicated, sympathetic volunteers you can talk to.

Asking for help means you are on the right track. A family member does this for a living - makes me an expert too! Good luck.

[Prairie Chicken]

Psychologists & other medical professionals like to prescribe meds--it's an easy fix. See a counsellor & tell him/her you are a pilot and will lose your passion & employment if you take meds. Refuse the meds. They can treat you without and to my mind, get to the root of the problem rather than just treating the symptoms.

Try to avoid the booze too. Not only is it a depressant, but it is expensive, contributing further to the financial problems.

DO take action and you'll come out of this hole. The longer you wait, the deeper the hole. Don't wait.

Good luck.

[4hrstovegas]

A financial specialist or debt consolidator can easily talk to your creditors to knock down the higher interest rates. In fact, you'd be surprised to find out that a lot of credit card companies will chop your interest rate significantly with just one call from you. If they think you're on the brink of bankruptcy, they'll negotiate something much lower to avoid getting stiffed. You can also see a bank about a line of credit (much lower interest rate than most creditors), pay off your debt with it, and consolidate your loans that way. You can opt for a line of credit whereby you pay only interest, until you get back on your feet.

And if you can find a few pennies, TAKE A CHEAP VACATION. It sounds like you need a change of pace for a bit.

Hang in there!

[SuperchargedRS]

If I were you I would go out solo and camp out somewhere remote (the further away from all the BS of society the better), solitary helps get you centered.

[mattedfred]

Does your employer have an EAP (Employee Assistance Program)?

Do you have EHC (Extended Health Care) through your benefits at work?

Do you have coverage for Psychologists with your EHC?

Otherwise, find out what services are available in your community. i.e. CMHA (Canadian Mental Health Association)

It never hurts to talk to someone that is trained in how to listen.

Best wishes

[Cobra64]

I'd try and find a dodge ball team.

THere is actually a lot of truth here. We are social creatures, we need friends and people we can laugh and play with. Something other than drinking buddies. When I was living in a new city the absolute best thing I did was find a group of friends totally away from work/school. Sports, YMCA, church group if you are so inclined, hobby group, volunteering organization, any of these are great ways to meet people. You said you were married to your job, well maybe tell her you want to start seeing other people. You have to find ways to enjoy life today. My two cents.

[Bede]

gaypilot,

I don't think that I was ever in the same boat as you, but a few years ago I was fed up with this job, so I went back to university for a graduate degree (luckily I worked for a good company and did it while on reserve). The biggest thing I learned was how good of a job I actually had. As bad as the pay was, I still made more than most people my age with PhD's and the captains I worked with all made more than senior university professors. And I worked a lot less, and had a much better view from my office.

I'd say stop drinking, keep your head up, and if you can, enjoy your view.

All the best.

Also, if you're handle is an indication of your sexual orientation, you're not alone; gay males suffer from depression at a rate of many multiples higher than the population. There may be a support group that may help.

[loopa]

Life just becomes too much?

So here is the situation, I am married to my career and have poured all my resources into my career to the extent that I am barely making ends meet or getting deeper in debt every day. Don't get me wrong I love my job and my situation is 100% my own fault and not 100% aviation related. Sympathy is right between shit and syphilis in the dictionary don't you know. The problem is I am just not fulfilled. Single, and seems like every day I get deeper and deeper into a rut that is getting harder and harder to climb out of. There are days I think I should have just never gotten that blasted PPL and been happy in doing what I was for good money. When I am working and busy all is well, but time alone I am deeply depressed. I drink too much. Not to the point where I ever show up for work with even a hint of booze on my breath, I never drink the night before work, but all other occasions the gloves are off. I know if I go seek help they will want me on meds and poof there goes my ability to work. See #1 with regards working. I need to work, barely getting by, disability will not even come close.

So what do you do, when life has you down and you feel you have no way out at all.

Note: I will never ever do anything unprofessional at work. I always show up ready and capable of performing my job, and will execute to my highest standards. To not do so would be against my entire being and moral values.

I think this will relate to you quite a lot.

"Problems arise giving you the chance to build character, not run away."

Here's the chance for you, to hang in there, build character, and look back at it all and say, damn, I did that. As a result, you will appreciate what you have so much more of and will never have a big black hole left in your life that you remember as giving up. Because giving up is the easy way, every one can do it. It's what people cannot do that set's them apart from the achievers.

I completely hear you about the financial situation; props to you for shrugging it off your shoulders and showing up to work prepared. Just make sure you're actually showing up prepared, and not using that as an illusion to keep yourself satisfied!

As for being Single and feeling depressed. I didn't sign up for relationship advice on here, but I'll give you what I think.

If you're feeling depressed because of not having somebody in your life, then the problem is not that somebody. The problem is that you're not happy with yourself as an individual, and are resorting resignation towards letting somebody else "bring" happiness into your life. I would be careful with this one, cause if somebody see's right through that and have bad intentions, they can take advantage of you like no tomorrow. So if being single bothers you, try improving other areas in your life that makes you happy. Though I can understand how being depressed may make you want to do nothing, but drink (like you mentioned).

I think it's time for a reality check, and look at the people around you who have so much less, but are living. Have you ever been to Mexico? Have you seen how unfortunate the majority of their lives are but how amazingly joyous they are? I'm not asking you to be a Mexican jalapeño (jokes), but maybe it's time for you to look up documentaries and reading material that act as motivators, giving you the sense of gratefulness because of so many prosperous things you have in your life. Such as your health (obviously, cause you're flying). Stop for a second and imagine your life without a leg, or an arm, or a heart condition, or on a wheel chair? Like I mean actually just stop and imagine that for a second. Pretty unfortunate eh? As I'm writing this, I'm feeling so grateful for being healthy and not weary of any medical condition. Same thing for you dude, you need to value yourself with the things you have in your life. And for a moment, stop thinking about money. Think about the basics of life, the things that you as a human being enjoy to do. Focus on those more, be it going for walks, hitting the gym, hanging out with friends, going hiking, what ever... And do more of that and I can guarantee that your psychological capacity will increase and will allow you to fight harder towards that character speech I mentioned at the top of this post. This will also boost your social confidence which people will see right through and respect, be it if you're into guys or women. (Not sure cause your username is gaypilot).

I wish you the best buddy, and I for some reason have a feeling you can do it!

[Shiny Side Up]

Just remember that life has one amazing quality: It can never get so bad that it can't get worse.

Take stock of what you do have going for you. Monetary debt can be a tough thing to live under, but its not the end of the world. If you need help in this regard you got to go seek it out. Sometimes it can feel humiliating having to ask, but you'll feel better if you can get it solved. If you still have a job, can afford to feed yourself and a warm place to sleep remember you've still got a leg up on a lot of the world. The best advice everyone has said is to stop drinking. Its an expense and it doesn't help depression, I can tell you that from experience. Find your friends in the world and don't spend too much time by yourself, make the effort to call them.

[. ._]

Dude, you can always dream!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CqJ8zxV7Cjw

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AjZJqh4IX7w

I say @#$! it. Quit your job, move back in with your folks for a few months. Party with some old friends, then get back into it. I doubt you're 50 and with kids in University. You have lots of time.

Life is too short to feel like a bag of shit.

Good luck with whatever you decide, bro!



Trust me. It feels GREAT to voluntarily leave a shitty job! I'm normally kind of jokey here, but in this case, I'm dead serious.

-istp

[Canuck223]

1) Talk to someone
2) Analyse your collective shit, and figure out where you really stand.
3) Reflect on what you need to accomplish to get where you want to be.
4) When you have a modest grip on your situation, move up to stage 2, Rich Boyfriend!

Don`t waste your time with poor boys. If they can`t afford them, they can`t afford you. I thought my friend was a money grubbing whore when she first used that line, but I slowly saw the brilliance within. At your age, you are not a child, looking for a mommy/daddy figure. You're looking for someone who can stand on thier own, but who might benefit from a true partner, not a leech.

Sorry If I read too much into your post, but you speak of work and finances, and nothing of social life.