Family Question

[JayClayDub]

Hey there, I'm finishing up my PPL in Toronto and considering my next move in my career - if there is going to be one.

I've been reading James Ball's "So You Want to be a Pilot, Eh?" and there is a wealth of advice from pilots therein. It seems like most airline pilots with families regret how much time away from home they have to spend. I'm married, and my wife has been very supportive and is as excited about life in the North as I am. But, I'm worried about missing the events in my children's lives if we start a family. The comments of airline pilots has me concerned, but I'm not really interested in pursuing a job with one of the big airlines. My aspiration is to be a bush pilot - so I'm hoping to hear from bush pilots about their lives.

Do you have a family? How much time do you get to spend with them? Do you regret your choice of flying for a living?

Any insights or advice or comments would be helpful in deciding if this really is something I want to pursue - or if I should just go back into graphic design and fly for fun.

[robertsailor1]

I think your going to run into some extremes here as "bush flying" covers a lot of different scenarios. Personally when I was flying the bush I spent 3/4 of my time away from base on contract jobs and that would not have left much time with family. Others flying for the same outfit spent 90% of their time at base which would have been fine so I'd say its up to you. Initially you'll take whatever you can get to build some time and after that your choices will expand a little. Plan on several moves.

[cdnpilot77]

Make sure if you decide to go down this path that she is 100% on board. This certainly does not mean convincing her of the pie in the sky numbers (flying time, salary, benefits, days off etc) but rather the conservative and more realistic numbers cut in half and it will be more accurate. I was married for 9 months when I took my first job that moved me from Southern Ontario to NW Ontario. I went in with some realistic expectations but also had some "promises" and unrealistic expectations that never came to fruition, for a multitude of reasons, so expect that. My wife had/has a stable job that paid the bills (barely) in the months that I was laid off and she tollerated the endless afternoons and evenings of calling places and sending/writing resumes and cover letters. I also did/do not have any kids (i'm sure thats better for the gene pool anyways ) If she has an expectation that she will be able to speak to you every night and know where you are everynight, again you are setting yourself up for disappointment. I tried to speak with her everynight, but sometimes it just wasn't possible and that can be very difficult for a spouse especially a worrier like mine!

Also, ensuring that things are in order at home before you leave. This can be the source of a lot of resentment should you leave for extended periods of time leaving her with ALL the responsibilities of home, making the "real" money to pay the bills, tying up loose ends, and various other responsibilites that you would normally share all while you are out Living the Dream!

My first summers away, I got to come home once and she came to visit twice. It was not a convenient place to get too for us but we made it happen. In my 3rd summer it was much easier as it became a 6+hr drive and very doable for just a weekend. But do not expect too much time off together if she comes to visit. Your time together would mainly be at night.

I now live in my hometown (for now ) see her everynight, she is starting to get the benefits of the industry, and have finally paid off the last of my debt from training, just last week...after nearly 4yrs and some REALLY tight budgeting.

In the end, is it worth it? Well, I got started late (CPL at 30yrs old) nearly lost my house my wife and my dog but managed to keep all of them. So, my answer is, aside from the extreme amount of stress I placed on her by following this F'ing career path, I wouldnt change a thing! I have learned so much more in the past 4yrs than in the previous 20.


Some people are lucky and their spouses are able to come with them to their first jobs and even get hired by the same company. This is not completely unique but not the norm either.

Feel free to PM anytime

CP77

[North Shore]

Hmm, where to start? Well, I met my wife 12 years ago on a gig in the big city. One of our first conversations was about my job, and the fact that the next step up the ladder probably wouldn't see me in the same city. She nodded and said "OK!" So, 7 years of marriage, two children, and 2 jobs later, I've got what I consider to be the '747' of bush jobs: it's stable, adequately paid, has benefits and a pension plan, and doesn't appear to be in any danger of going bankrupt. On the other hand, I give up, pretty much, my entire summer to it. I leave on April 1st (sometimes, depending on the season, get a small break at the end of April) and return home by about the middle of September. I do get 12 days of holiday in the middle, depending on schedule, though.

My wife is completely onside, realising that my job, as hard as it is on us as a couple and personally, is good for us as a family - it pays for the house, food, cars, vacations, schooling etc. Do I feel guilty about being away a great deal - yes!! and as my children get older, and sports days, science fairs, etc... loom on the schooling horizon, it gets worse; Skype helps a lot, however. And, if I do the math, I spend more time with my children than my brother, who is a 9-to-5 office monkey( ), does with his.

I/We could make the decision to live in the same town that I work in, but have, for a variety of reasons, chosen not to. I/we could also make the decision to search for another job that might see me at home more regularly, but again, for a variety of reasons (see '747' above) have chosen not to.

I could go on endlessly. PM for more if you wish.

[TeePeeCreeper]

It can be tough. I won't lie. I recently missed my little guy's first birthday, and more importantly his taking his first steps. As hard of a pill as it was, my wife is ever so suportive, and having a partner whom truly understands the industry, its challenges and family induced limitations has been a blessing.
Don't under estimate your partner, but then again, I've found that in this industry makes it easy to push them towards the edge. A question of balance I supose...
Regards,
TPC

[sheephunter]

Being a guide/outfitter/pilot there is no other occupations I know that has a higher marriage mortality. It takes a very special spouse to put up with this BS involved in this/these occupations. Your significant other has to be totally on board and way tougher than you could ever imagine. That being said, 27 years this coming Jan. to the same woman and it has not all been roses but the thorns are all behind us as we now actually have a pretty good life and two daughters 25 and 23 that have seen more than most. Not sure if I would do anything differently myself, but wouldn't encougage nor haven't encouraged either kid to pursue the same route as much as they fight to do so. Don't know what to tell you... it's tough and if you choose the route, hopefully you can beat the odds.

[stef]

Finding a job that keeps you around home is do-able. Even one that pays a comfortable living. You'll have to give up on flying bigger/faster machines is all. You probably won't be able to do it in Toronto though.

[Bobby868]

It can be done but you and she have to come to the clearest of understanding, the family comes second. If you can live with that and she can live with that then you might be able to make it work.

If you try and fool her or yourself into thinking that family comes first it will either be a lie and the family will fall apart or it will be the truth and you career will fall apart. Or possibly you will lose both.

[Northern Flyer]

It can be done but you and she have to come to the clearest of understanding, the family comes second. If you can live with that and she can live with that then you might be able to make it work.

If you try and fool her or yourself into thinking that family comes first it will either be a lie and the family will fall apart or it will be the truth and you career will fall apart. Or possibly you will lose both.

Unfortunately this is so true. I spend at minimum six months a year away from my family, some years up to 10 months. I love my family and look forward to getting home and spending time with them. When I do get home however, it is almost as if I have forgotten how to be a family member and dad, its awkward.

[boozy]

Had to go airline to make it work better. Would go back in a heartbeat if I could make the same money AND keep a family life going. At some point you put your flying or your family second. I put my flying second and will always continue to do so. Airplanes aren't that exciting after awhile... kids & family... well they're smiles all day long. The only close second probably is dropping a beaver into some oddball pond on glassy water at 6am. I do miss it... but... I liked seeing my kids first steps better.

[FL280]

With all theose previous posts, I agree totally. I was fortunate enough to have a wife that supported my career choice and came with me where ever I went or to which ever little town we ended up in. That being said, my wife, my kids and my dogs will always come first. I know people who do live apart where her or she flies out for 2 weeks at a time up north and they manage, not sure how well but I don't want a career and a home life that just 'manages'. Be sure the whole family is on board before making any decisions, if you don't you'll be a single pilot before long. Good luck!

[Flybabe]

Had to go airline to make it work better. Would go back in a heartbeat if I could make the same money AND keep a family life going. At some point you put your flying or your family second. I put my flying second and will always continue to do so. Airplanes aren't that exciting after awhile...

x2

[floatrfun]

I can't say I have any regrets but it's not an easy road. Lots of good comments and advice here. My girlfriend/now wife was very supportive. Fortunately, she had her own career and a busy life and later confessed she liked the time away from me. She didn't have the type of career that was conducive to living up north. It was a lot harder though when the kids came but by then, she was already married to me! Harder to run away. Today, we are in the same city and run our floatplane business/school together but I do have to say, that she still feels like a single working mother during our busy months. Because I fly and hold all the key positions my busy months I am away from 7 a.m. to 11:00 p.m. most nights. The good thing is now we are both 100% in it together and I see her in the office as I am running up between flights. But I miss spending time with the kids, as they are sleeping when I leave and get home. Good luck in your decision but it sounds like you have already been bitten by the aviation bug. It's a annoying bug that won't probably ever go away. PM if you have any other questions.

[CLguy]

No doubt it can work but it is not easy. It really does come down to your spouse being able to buy into this lifestyle. I got married March 1st and left my wife living with her parents on April 15th. Saw her for 2 days in late June and never saw her again until late September. By the time I got home she had found a house and was all settled in and I actually had to get directions to where I lived. That was my first year of marriage and now 28 years and 2 fantastic kids later we are still together. Was it easy, well let's just say there were a few rough patches but we made it work. I doubt there is any long term marriages that haven't experienced that.

When we got married the wife of a very seasoned pilot that was a good friend told her that she had better get used to the fact that she would always be number 2 to an airplane. She was pissed but today will tell you that those were wise words. I have been flying commercially now for 33 years and still spend large amounts of time away. She used to say that I was only home long enough to screw up the routine and no doubt she was right. Remember it is not the amount of time you spend together but rather the quality of time and the same goes with your children. There is no doubt it worked because my wife wanted it to work. I always took the jobs that made me happy and would further my career the most. Don't ever settle on a lesser job just so you can be closer. You will end up miserable and ultimately bring that home with you. I have seen so many guys over the years throw away great opportunities just to keep the spouse happy only to end up miserable and divorced.

Today for me all is good, have a great job, great wife and a fantastic relationship with both my kids.

Hope this helps in your decision and good luck.

[frozen solid]

In my experience the hardest thing on a relationship is when you always come home tired and pissed off because you hate your job. I love the job I have now and I come home almost every day if not happy, at least able to be philosophical about the day. Mostly happy. Anyway, coming home miserable is the worst thing you can do. If you see that starting to happen, bail out quick. If you are doing something exciting and are working with people you respect and can be friends with, this carries through to your home life. Your wife won't need to find out if she's number two to an aeroplane if being with her and the plane are both making you happy.