Now, for the specific case of dry wing staying dry while wet wing accumulating ice or keeping a constant amount of ice:
The dry wing will reach the temperature equilibrium much faster than the wet wing. After some time (let's say when flying in non-icing condition), the whole wing should reach some sort of an equilibrium (it doesn't mean it's at a constant temperature though). That is all there is to it. If your dry wing is above 0 degrees, you would need an awfull lot of supercooled water droplets for it to be picking up ice (it is possible for it to happen, but it is less likely). On the other hand, while your wet wing stays at 0 degrees, every single supercooled water droplets that hit it will stick. Now obviously a lot of it will melt too, but at different rate. Pretty sure that so far you agree with everything I wrote.
Now here comes the problem: If we are in the specific situation where ice would not build up on a dry wing but would on a wet wing, it means that the energy exchanges are not exactly the same! How could that be? (am I right understanding that this is where you have yet to find a mechanism to explain this?)
Think about how the air is able to transfer energy to the ice: hint: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Square-cube_law
and how the wing can transfer energy to the ice (hint: what is the overall temperature of your wet wing compared to the dry wing?)



