LostinRotation- I understand where you're coming from, having a strong instructing background myself. I was lucky in that every FTU I worked at (with the exception of the college 

 ) were also 702/703 operations, multi IFR, and single pilot to boot. The majority of the folks who say that a FI time is not worth as much as FO time have never been instructors, and this is where comments that piss instructors off like 'doing donuts in a 172' come from- sheer ignorance about what the job really entails. You've done a good job of painting a realistic picture of your point of view, and I'd be willing to throw in that if they changed jobs with you, they could even keep their salary and you'd be happy to do their job for a meager instructor salary! 

  However, comments like 'Warming the seat, straight and level' are the same, only from your perspective. I'm sure that your intention was merely to show the ignorance of the comments. Right!?. 
 
As stated above, I believe that FI and FO time should count the same towards ATPL, but neither should count as much as the time acquired by flying operationally (CAS) as PIC, regardless of the aircraft type. You are absolutely correct that FI are the Captain, and take ultimate responsibility, which is part of what the ATPL is about. The thing about scaring yourself was merely to highlight a level of inexperience. There is nothing like that feeling to force oneself to doing everything possible to never get into that same position again; ie. MAKE GOOD COMMAND DECISIONS. I'm not saying that is the only way to learn, just a very effective one, and unfortunately, a very common one when inexperienced pilots are forced to make all the decisions without ever having been exposed to all the possibilities. Additionally, you can scare the crap out of yourself without having done anything stupid. I don't know of anyone, instructors included, who consider themselves as experienced and would say they've never scared themselves in an airplane. Flight training is a VERY structured environment- approved cross country routes, designated local practice areas, familiar airports etc. There is less opportunity to see all the aviation pitfalls that await the Captain of a two-crew machine. The instructor doesn't get the chance to see the pitfalls, and the FO isn't the one responsible for doing the right thing when they do get a chance to see the pitfalls. They each have their shortcomings which preclude either of them from counting as 'the Full Deal' in my mind.
Have you heard the one about starting your aviation career with a full bag of luck and an empty bag of experience? The goal is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck. Good luck.