Open Mic!

[AEROMONKEY]

There was a small floatplane that landed last night here in YQT on runway 07......The plane landed very long and ended up having to back track to bravo....pilot requested the backtrack which was approved by tower.....immediately after there was a very loud "F*%K Me" heard on tower frequency! Just thought it was funny....has anyone been caught with an open mic?

[timel]

Ho yeh and that was pretty embarassing, I always make sure there is no tx on radio now.
Airplane conversations, watch yourself, may not be that private.

Hot mikes can be really funny, there was this guy once taking off with a Cessna 150, and making calls like... I have controls, v1, positive rate, gear up ... Gear up confirmed... Ho well...

[PostmasterGeneral]

Heard a funny one one day on some ATF frequency. Can't remember where, but this guy was talking to his FO about how "his stepdaughter was now dating some *goddamn jigaboo* and I don't know how to tell her off" kinda thing.

It was funny because after about 90 more seconds of their banter, the radio went silent and all of a sudden now the FO was working the radios for the rest of that leg!

[sanjet]

I've come to the point of having any conversation in the flight deck thinking that, if it were a live mic or can be played from the CVR, I wouldn't regret it (specially if my wife would hear it )

[B52]

Decades ago on HF before SSB was used, in a very large
500,000 sq mile area, the daytime only 6 Mhz Freq that was
usually hard to get a word in edgeways went madly silent.
Then a voice piped up "I'm F@#$@#ing Bored"
and quick as a flash, Flight Service came back
"Station Bored, say again call sign"
and the silence resumed.

[MartinB]

When I was joining my friend for some circuits at CYBW last summer, somebody in a 172 forgot to turn on his transponder before taking off and when ATC made this pilot aware of this and after the pilot replied, we could hear the pilot start getting all pissed at the controller and saying derogatory statements directed at the controller, which he obviously was intending to say to himself or to whoever was in the plane with him, but this guy was indeed telling everybody on the tower frequency what he thought about the controller. ATC was already frustrated at this pilot for showing his incompetency before even lifting off so the controller wasn't too impressed. Sadly I don't remember what the controller answered back, but I do remember having quite the laugh on downwind. To make things worse, this guy continued being incompetent and couldn't follow simple instructions from ATC like headings.

[PositiveRate27]

One time, while in a wing to wing race between us and campany traffic going in to yyc we were told we were 5 kts slower than company and we were to slow to follow them on the arrival. Thinking I was on the company freq I pressed the Mic and said "I guess I'm wearing my granny panties today." Problem was, I was still on centre!

Oops!

[PostmasterGeneral]

One time, while in a wing to wing race between us and campany traffic going in to yyc we were told we were 5 kts slower than company and we were to slow to follow them on the arrival. Thinking I was on the company freq I pressed the Mic and said "I guess I'm wearing my granny panties today." Problem was, I was still on centre!

Oops!

Everybody knows you never admit to wearing them!

[PositiveRate27]

Hey man, I was a green FO on my first turbine gig! They didn't say that in the ground school!

[AirFrame]

Decades ago on HF before SSB was used, in a very large
500,000 sq mile area, the daytime only 6 Mhz Freq that was
usually hard to get a word in edgeways went madly silent.
Then a voice piped up "I'm F@#$@#ing Bored"
and quick as a flash, Flight Service came back
"Station Bored, say again call sign"
and the silence resumed.

"I said I was f*cking bored, not f*cking stupid!"

[Shiny Side Up]

I recall someone on his cross country time building apparently liked to keep himself busy by belting out a selection of late 90's and 00's pop music.

The Dave Matthews band does not rock, though the hot-mike jamming technique did alleviate the usual inane chatter on 126.7 for one afternoon.

[switchflicker]

Climbing out of YYC for Las Vagas in a Douglas Racer, when the FO looks to me after looking down the companionway watching the card playing/beer drinking party in the back. F*** Switchie, I could sure use one of those F***ing beers right now. Except we were still on ATC Transmit selection, not intercom!! My turn to do the radio work for the next few sectors!!

[Bruce Gorle]

Time for a . Ellesworth story. When . had the school in Nanaimo he had a pristine Geronimo Apache that needed some avionics work, so . brought the aircraft to Victoria to the Avionics shop for that work. When the work was completed . taxied out for take off and when he acknowledged the clearance he ended up with an open mike.
Now anyone who knows . will agree he is a very prolific curser and each regular word must be spaced with a curse word on each side. You can imagine what was heard on tower freq. as . went on his way thoroughly cursing the radio shop for his apparent radio failure.

[Cat Driver]

Yeh, for sure that spruced up the day for lot of pilots, they learned a whole new way to trouble shoot.

And in the end it was only a stuck mike with no connection to the new avionics package that Dave had installed......is Dave still around?

By the way that package cost me around $25,000 and it even had an Argus 5000 moving map display....and RNAV in the late 1980's !

Proof positive that I am not a Luddite.

[Bruce Gorle]

New way to trouble shoot and a few new words too.
Dave is still there.

[Cat Driver]

Remember that neat little Twin Commanche you used to rent to me?

[Bruce Gorle]

I do,1980 or 81.Flying Fireman kept us busy with IFR renewals.

[Old Dog Flying]

We frequently had problems with open mics, for example a certain low life wanted to do an instructors course so that he could make a pile of loot. The C150 with the moron is given T/O clx and for the next 1+45 we were entertained with the comments coming from the senior guy giving the training...and he was ALMOST as lurid as . would have been. All of this on tower frequency of course.

The trainee eventually got his instructor rating, opened a flying school at YCW then ended up in the Crowbar Hotel for running nose candy.

[Dibbley]

This brings back memories from 20 years ago..... We were running a jet down at the west end of Alpha at YVR, after an engine change. I was the guy in the pilot seat and the crew were outside adjusting the FCU as per my instructions. I was toggling between the aircraft service mike and the YVR ground control frequency - just in case we had to move the aircraft out of the way. Things were progressing slowly and my frustration was starting to build. I finally let loose something along the lines of 'can you guys hurry the f##k up out there'. I got an immediate response from the tower: 'Air ____ - you're transmitting....' I realized my mix-up and responded 'Oh sh#t - sorry about that'. Even though I added another expletive, I never heard anything about that from ATC. They let it slide.

[av8ts]

Remember this one http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=e04_1308827319

[Spinner]

Remember this one http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=e04_1308827319

bet that never made the TV show

[GyvAir]

Remember this one http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=e04_1308827319

bet that never made the TV show

Too bad... that would be ratings gold!

I like the poster in the background at 1:10. Very apropros.

[andyl]

J3... handheld... 5-6th solo... Put radio down in lap, ground loop. Thigh wedged mike open... No clue what was said - but trucker language was surely involved.

Atc's response - "if you've finished sh#tting yourself could you clear the runway."

About two solid months I got ribbed about that one. And a holster for the radio magically appeared in the plane

[Shotgun Chuck McCoy]

It was very early morning, and we were over a layer on downwind for a northbound landing at YXD many moons ago. It was an empty aircraft save myself on company travel and as a low-timer I was up front peering into the cockpit as the obliging pilots answered my many questions. The city lights were glowing beautifully through the clouds below. The Cap was humming "Strangers in the night" and the F/O was peering out his window trying to guess our position while I peppered him with questions. Partway through the song, the F/O looks up from his study of the lit clouds below and wondered very loudly (loud enough perhaps for the Cap's mike to hear him): "WHERE THE F*&% ARE WE?!"...Cap stopped singing and looked over at the F/O, then down to his control yoke and said, "Oh, whoops, the mic was stuck ", and flicked it off. Right away, over the cockpit speakers: **** ###, you are x southwest of the airport. Turn heading xxx, intercept the localizer for the ILS RWY XX.... Nice singing, by the way."

It was awful quiet for the last few minutes of that one.

SCM