Best "Seinfeld" Quotes

Main Gear · Post by **Main Gear** » Fri Aug 12, 2005 10:31 pm

Kramer, downing a beer while smoking a cigarette:

Here's to feeling good all the time.

Kramer:

"What is a barometer exactly?"
"It's pronounced 'thermometer'."

hazatude · Post by **hazatude** » Fri Aug 12, 2005 10:36 pm

I'm pretty sure I trained Kramer on Linecrew at one point...

. ._ · Post by **. ._** » Fri Aug 12, 2005 10:40 pm

So hazatude's a mimbo...

hazatude · Post by **hazatude** » Fri Aug 12, 2005 10:45 pm

RETRACT THAT STATEMENT

Beechball · Post by **Beechball** » Sat Aug 13, 2005 7:20 am

"These pretzels are making me thirsty!"

Yoyoma · Post by **Yoyoma** » Sat Aug 13, 2005 7:56 am

Kramer
- Yo Yo Ma
- pitididididi
- giddy up
- pfttzzt
- eiiiiih
- Kramerica
- Don't look at me Jerry, I'm hideous.

George
- Cheap? I'm cheap? I can't belive you're saying that...If I had a job, I'd be spending baby...
- Please, a little respect, for I am Costanza, Lord of the Idiots
- I'm an architect.
- My name is Buck Naked. I'm a porn star.

Jerry
- Undatable
- We're not gay! Not that there's anything wrong with that
- Hello, Newman.
- Looking at a cleavage is like looking at the sun. You don't stare at it. It's too risky. You get a sense of it and then you look away.

Elaine
- David, I'm going to hell! The worst place in the world! With devils and those caves and the ragged clothing! And the heat! My god, the heat! I mean, what do you think about all that?
- Maybe the dingo ate your baby.

Newman
- When you control the mail, you control information.

George's Dad
- You want a piece of me??

Everyone
- Is that Kashmir?

kim_2222 · Post by **kim_2222** » Sat Aug 13, 2005 8:34 am

"It's not a purse, it's European!!"

Beechball · Post by **Beechball** » Sat Aug 13, 2005 8:44 am

Good Day,

I'm Doctor Von Naustraum....

Doc · Post by **Doc** » Sat Aug 13, 2005 10:10 am

"Like a frieghtened turtle.." has to be right up there?

Mach1 · Post by **Mach1** » Sat Aug 13, 2005 10:25 am

"I'm out!"

gryphon · Post by **gryphon** » Sat Aug 13, 2005 11:07 am

It's not lying....if you believe it's true....

wha happen · Post by **wha happen** » Sat Aug 13, 2005 11:16 am

george - "co...stansa"

wha happen · Post by **wha happen** » Sat Aug 13, 2005 11:20 am

banya - "thats gold jerry, gold"

Main Gear · Post by **Main Gear** » Sat Aug 13, 2005 12:02 pm

FRANK: "A Festivus for the rest of us!"

Jerry: You're not a little anything, Newman.

Jackie Chiles: You put the balm on? Who told you to put the balm on? I didn't tell you to put the balm on. Why'd you put the balm on?

Babu Bhatt: You very bad man, Jerry. Very bad man.

Kramer:

Up here, I'm already gone.

"Thats ALOT of potatoes."

What? Oh, these? I suck 'em down like Coca Cola.

George:
It's not a lie if you believe it.

Maybe she has toe thumbs . . . Is her handshake a little firm? Perhaps too firm?

Mr. Bevalaqua (George's old gym coach): Cant-stand-ya!

Puddy:

"You got a question, you ask the 8-ball."
"You stole my Jesus fish."

just another pilot · Post by **just another pilot** » Sat Aug 13, 2005 12:17 pm

"I think thats a nipple...""
""You're a cahshier!"
"My own personal crying game"
The manzeirre of the bro
Kramer acting like Joe Friday
Bookman the library detective and the subsequent Kramer reaction - "Your name is Bookman? Thats amazing...its like an icecream man with the last name Cone."

Beechball · Post by **Beechball** » Sat Aug 13, 2005 1:07 pm

That man is a step skipper! He skipped step 9!
I wouldn't trust him with a V-Neck!

The apology episode where George wants an apology from the recovering alcoholic.

Guido · Post by **Guido** » Sat Aug 13, 2005 1:20 pm

George : Do women know about shrinkage?
Elaine : What, you mean like laundry?
Jerry : No. Like when you're in a pool... afterwards...
Elaine : It shrinks?
Jerry : Like a frigthened turtle.
Elaine : Why does it shrink?
George Costanza : It just does.
Elaine : I don't know how you guys walk around with those things.

bush pilot · Post by **bush pilot** » Sat Aug 13, 2005 1:55 pm

She eats her peas, one at a time

She has man hands

She finishes all my sentences

it wasn't a pick!

I am not an animal!

bush pilot · Post by **bush pilot** » Sat Aug 13, 2005 5:34 pm

No, I'm sorry it was the Moops!

Race em Jerry, race em

yeh, thats right(puddy)

I like the one where jerry tries to switch the roomates with the threesome or managatrio(?)

so the only thing standing between us and you is a thin layer of polyester(i think)

Talk to the eight ball

he took it out!

the cats "ranngggg" out of the bag!

bob sacamano · Post by **bob sacamano** » Sat Aug 13, 2005 7:39 pm

Kramer: I gotta friend, Bob Sacamano...

The airport episode:

"I hate rental cars. Nothing ever works: the window doesn't work, the radio doesn't work... and it smells like a cheap hooker."
- Jerry

"You see? Never be late for a plane with a girl. 'Cuz a girl runs like a girl-- with the little steps and the arms flailing out... You wanna make this plane, you've gotta run like a man! Get your knees up!"
- Jerry, to Elaine

"I can not express to you the feeling I get from a perfect airport pickup."
- George

"I like to stop at the duty free shop!"
- George and Kramer, singing

"Look at you! You run like a girl! Run like a man! Lift your knees!"
- Kramer to George

"You *cannot* abandon people in the middle of an airport pickup! It's a binding social contract. We must go forward, not back."
- George

"You know what? They got the fudge on the bottom - ya see? That enables you to control your fudge distribution as you're eating your ice cream."
- Jerry, eating a sundae

"I never met a man who knew so much about nothing."
- Tia the model to Jerry

"More anything?"
"More everything!"
- Airline attendant and Jerry, who is enjoying his first class meal

"Oh, you got *cookies*!"
- Elaine, sneaking into first class

Tubthumper · Post by **Tubthumper** » Sat Aug 13, 2005 8:33 pm

......GET - OUT!!!!!!

Cap'n P8 · Post by **Cap'n P8** » Sat Aug 13, 2005 8:57 pm

1. From my favourite episode ever...Kenny Rogers Roaster

What are you doing?
I thought it was milk! My rods and cones Jerry...they're all messed up!

It's Neutrium
Well that's a type of sable...right?
No, it's a rat hat...and a very poor one even by rat hat standards!

Shaba!!! Shaba labba da blah blah!!!
Mr. Peterman, you speak Burmese?
No Elaine that was gibberish!
Could you sign these expense accounts?
No problem...I will have to see this hat though!

2. My favourit Kramer line

Oh I'm out there Jerry! AND I'M LOVING EVERY MINUTE OF IT!!!

. ._ · Post by **. ._** » Sat Aug 13, 2005 9:07 pm

Sorry haz,

I RETRACT MY STATEMENT!!!

One day we will share multiple beers.
You are a good man.

-istp

(I just thought I'd pick this emoticon because I have no fucking idea what it means.)

Thair81 · Post by **Thair81** » Tue Aug 23, 2005 3:32 pm

Best Newman line ever- when he is doing deliveries in his mail van for the Chinese restaurant (the same episode where Kramer adopts part of a highway).
[After his truck catches on fire], he screams "Oh God! The humanity!"

Or how about "Who!!! Who does not want to wear the ribbon???!!!"

[In reference to Pastrami]: "I find it to be the most sensual of all the salted, cured meats."

George: "This is a parking lot! People are supposed to be able to get their cars!"
Parking lot Attendant: "Ideally."

lazionic · Post by **lazionic** » Tue Aug 23, 2005 7:27 pm

>> "He's a re-gifter"

>>He's a close talker.... you'll see what i mean.

>>sponge-worthy.