ATC with a sense of humour
Moderators: sky's the limit, sepia, Sulako, lilfssister, North Shore, I WAS Birddog
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SierraPoppa
- Rank 4
- Posts: 277
- Joined: Sat Jun 05, 2004 2:53 pm
Yesterday was my students first flight out of the International so I had the radios and ATC was giving me some attitude
I landed 34 in my Katana, taxied off and called ground...
Me:*** on 07 for the southeast
Ground: Roger taxie charlie to the southeast
Me:*** charlie to the southeast
Ground: Zipper 223 the katana will taxie in front of you caution jet blast
Zipper 223: Roger well do out best to avoid the blast
I landed 34 in my Katana, taxied off and called ground...
Me:*** on 07 for the southeast
Ground: Roger taxie charlie to the southeast
Me:*** charlie to the southeast
Ground: Zipper 223 the katana will taxie in front of you caution jet blast
Zipper 223: Roger well do out best to avoid the blast
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Stan_Cooper
- Rank 3
- Posts: 130
- Joined: Fri Apr 16, 2004 12:32 pm
Up in YAM:
TWR: FCSB you're cleared for takeoff 22.
FCSB: FCSB
TWR: Jazz 7794 to position behind the Zlin.
7794: Roger to position.
FCSB: And Jazz 7794 just be advised, that's Zlin propwash and wake turbulence on the runway.
KF tower yesterday:
GABC: Tower GABC can I turn base?
TWR: GABC do you have the traffic on final?
GABC: I think I have the traffic.
TWR: Well then I think you can turn base.
Earlier this summer a first solo:
GAXY: Waterloo Ground, GAXX on 25 request taxi to apron #.
GND: GAXY ground taxi 25 C to apron #, and make sure you get the correct callsign next time, maybe try writing it on your hand so you don't forget it.
GAXY: Waterloo Ground GAXY sorry thank you.
The next day:
GAXX: Tower GAXX with information P.
TWR: GAXY Tower.
GAXX: Tower GAXX with papa.
TWR: GAXX Tower sorry about that you have a student who gets those mixed up all the time and she's got me doing it too.
FYXE: FYXE Tower maybe you should write it down on your hand so you won't forget...
TWR: Yeah I need to do that so I don't mix up my right hand with my left hand too.
TWR: FCSB you're cleared for takeoff 22.
FCSB: FCSB
TWR: Jazz 7794 to position behind the Zlin.
7794: Roger to position.
FCSB: And Jazz 7794 just be advised, that's Zlin propwash and wake turbulence on the runway.
KF tower yesterday:
GABC: Tower GABC can I turn base?
TWR: GABC do you have the traffic on final?
GABC: I think I have the traffic.
TWR: Well then I think you can turn base.
Earlier this summer a first solo:
GAXY: Waterloo Ground, GAXX on 25 request taxi to apron #.
GND: GAXY ground taxi 25 C to apron #, and make sure you get the correct callsign next time, maybe try writing it on your hand so you don't forget it.
GAXY: Waterloo Ground GAXY sorry thank you.
The next day:
GAXX: Tower GAXX with information P.
TWR: GAXY Tower.
GAXX: Tower GAXX with papa.
TWR: GAXX Tower sorry about that you have a student who gets those mixed up all the time and she's got me doing it too.
FYXE: FYXE Tower maybe you should write it down on your hand so you won't forget...
TWR: Yeah I need to do that so I don't mix up my right hand with my left hand too.
Does anyone know how bearskin thinks that they own the northern airports, well heres one I liked.
VFR weather, I am going VFR, theres a american citation going IFR south, and bearskin king air wanting to depart vfr. goes as this.
N3988, looking for the ifr to _______.
FSS- roger, traffic is _______. winds 330/15 altimeter 30.12
N3988, roger.
Bearskin- Radio bearskin###, just started up on the hill, ifr to ___, we'll take the vfr departure to speed things up
FSS-roger, says traffic.
meantime I am in the back track.
Bearskin-we'll go to hold short for the traffic and then back track.
FSS-negative, we work on first come first serve, N3988 is in front of you.
Bearskin-N3988, mind if we go first.
without missing a beat, responds YUP!, and taxi's to hold short cutting off the king air.
I know that it is not to funny, but I loved it cause it put the bearskin guys in there place.
VFR weather, I am going VFR, theres a american citation going IFR south, and bearskin king air wanting to depart vfr. goes as this.
N3988, looking for the ifr to _______.
FSS- roger, traffic is _______. winds 330/15 altimeter 30.12
N3988, roger.
Bearskin- Radio bearskin###, just started up on the hill, ifr to ___, we'll take the vfr departure to speed things up
FSS-roger, says traffic.
meantime I am in the back track.
Bearskin-we'll go to hold short for the traffic and then back track.
FSS-negative, we work on first come first serve, N3988 is in front of you.
Bearskin-N3988, mind if we go first.
without missing a beat, responds YUP!, and taxi's to hold short cutting off the king air.
I know that it is not to funny, but I loved it cause it put the bearskin guys in there place.
This is not so much ATC humor as it is FAA. If anyone has American Approach Plates, look up the RNAV 16 Approach in Portsmouthe New Hampshire. It was a few years ago but still may be there. If you can, publish the chart. It was funny.
The average pilot, despite the somewhat swaggering exterior, is very much capable of such feelings as love, affection, intimacy and caring.
These feelings just don't involve anyone else.
These feelings just don't involve anyone else.
Flying a sightseeing trip a couple of years back...
C... Tower, request transit through the zone to the southeast (just happens to be around a local nudie beach)
Tower: Now, what were you wanting to look at over there?
Us: Well, how would you know about a place like that?
Tower: Cleared as requested.
He didn't even chuckle...completely cold on the radio...I was pissing myself as were the pax.
C... Tower, request transit through the zone to the southeast (just happens to be around a local nudie beach)
Tower: Now, what were you wanting to look at over there?
Us: Well, how would you know about a place like that?
Tower: Cleared as requested.
He didn't even chuckle...completely cold on the radio...I was pissing myself as were the pax.
Here's your chart, Oldtimer: http://www.myairplane.com/databases/app ... 678R16.PDF
Took me a minute, but I figured it out
Took me a minute, but I figured it out
In the business world, the rearview mirror is always clearer than the windshield...W. Buffett
Is it:
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SierraPoppa
- Rank 4
- Posts: 277
- Joined: Sat Jun 05, 2004 2:53 pm
A long time ago when the earth was green there was all kinds of animals... oops sorry I digress.
Back in the late seventies Time Air got their new Shorts Skyvans. When the first one arrived in Calgary it was taxiing past the tower when one of the crew proudly asked the ground controller "What do you think of our new aircraft?"
To which the controller replied " Looks great, but when are you going to take it out of the box?"
Back in the late seventies Time Air got their new Shorts Skyvans. When the first one arrived in Calgary it was taxiing past the tower when one of the crew proudly asked the ground controller "What do you think of our new aircraft?"
To which the controller replied " Looks great, but when are you going to take it out of the box?"
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pointyertoes
- Rank 3
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- Joined: Wed Aug 11, 2004 11:42 am
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Siddley Hawker
- Rank 11
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- Joined: Tue Aug 10, 2004 6:56 pm
- Location: 50.13N 66.17W
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SierraPoppa
- Rank 4
- Posts: 277
- Joined: Sat Jun 05, 2004 2:53 pm
THE faa type who thought up the approach names must have been a Sylvester and Tweety fan. He/she also must have been old enough to remember the black TV star, the late Flip "The Devil Made Me Do It" Wilson
The average pilot, despite the somewhat swaggering exterior, is very much capable of such feelings as love, affection, intimacy and caring.
These feelings just don't involve anyone else.
These feelings just don't involve anyone else.
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SierraPoppa
- Rank 4
- Posts: 277
- Joined: Sat Jun 05, 2004 2:53 pm
I would hazard a guess the FAA had nothing to do with the actual make-up of the approach chart. It was probably submitted to them and they approved it.oldtimer wrote:THE faa type who thought up the approach names must have been a Sylvester and Tweety fan. He/she also must have been old enough to remember the black TV star, the late Flip "The Devil Made Me Do It" Wilson
I can't imagine the goblins at the FAA having that kind of sense of humour in fact I don't think thay have a sense of humour period. I'm surprised it got past them.
We had the funniest guy i have ever heard doing an approach today. Center had to repeat everything at least twice, and half the time center issued instructions to someone else he would ask if it was for him. Some snippets i made out between my fits of hysterical laughter were:
Center: "Left fifteen degrees say your new heading"
Registration Withheld: "Jesus i gotta subtract? Uhh, 265"
and
Center: "ATIS is foxtrot"
Registration Withheld: "Ok ... the phone's ringing but i got the news"
Registration Withheld: "Ok yeah, the news is foxtrot, got it"
It was all i could do not to ask "Is that you John Wayne?"
Of course he had to get the controller with the nonextant sense of humour and the imperturbable calm. If you would only have listened to the ATC half of the conversation you would never have suspected anything out of the ordinary.
Center: "Left fifteen degrees say your new heading"
Registration Withheld: "Jesus i gotta subtract? Uhh, 265"
and
Center: "ATIS is foxtrot"
Registration Withheld: "Ok ... the phone's ringing but i got the news"
Registration Withheld: "Ok yeah, the news is foxtrot, got it"
It was all i could do not to ask "Is that you John Wayne?"
Of course he had to get the controller with the nonextant sense of humour and the imperturbable calm. If you would only have listened to the ATC half of the conversation you would never have suspected anything out of the ordinary.
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oldncold
- Rank (9)
- Posts: 1079
- Joined: Thu May 13, 2004 11:17 am
- Location: south of 78N latitude , north of 30'latitude
atc humour
busy evn' going into yyz, pc12 at 250 requests decent
-atc ' what's the indicated air speed ?
-pc- 12 - 165kt
-atc your grounding 330 knts.If I ask you to maintain 180 ktias or better on the descent you sure the wings aren't going going to fall off?
pc 12 replied - whens the last time you had your swiss watch break?
atc laughing - point taken cleared to 9000 cross fline level
-atc ' what's the indicated air speed ?
-pc- 12 - 165kt
-atc your grounding 330 knts.If I ask you to maintain 180 ktias or better on the descent you sure the wings aren't going going to fall off?
pc 12 replied - whens the last time you had your swiss watch break?
atc laughing - point taken cleared to 9000 cross fline level
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Doctor MCDU
- Rank 2
- Posts: 67
- Joined: Sat Jun 26, 2004 4:05 pm
- Location: Pointed End, Port Side.
ATC Funnies
Okay. This one had the New York TRACON in tears laughing. A few years ago I was flying an Airbus into JFK (It was about the same time that China had taken the US Navy airplane and crew hostage).
We were following an Air China flight. They were having all sorts of troubles getting their clearances correct. They missed just about every intersection, and turned the wrong direction after being cleared direct to La Guadia.
My F/O was flying, so I was working RT. New York Approach finally asked if we could see the Air China ahead. I responded with an affirmative. We were asked to maintain visual separation with that aircraft, and contact Kennedy tower for the visual.
Before switching over to tower, I couldn't resist the urge...
"...hey, Air China. Ya'll ever gonna give us our plane and crew back?"
The TRACON could be heard exploding into laughter. I, on the otherhand, had to do a little "Carpet Dance" for my chief pilot. It was worth it!
We were following an Air China flight. They were having all sorts of troubles getting their clearances correct. They missed just about every intersection, and turned the wrong direction after being cleared direct to La Guadia.
My F/O was flying, so I was working RT. New York Approach finally asked if we could see the Air China ahead. I responded with an affirmative. We were asked to maintain visual separation with that aircraft, and contact Kennedy tower for the visual.
Before switching over to tower, I couldn't resist the urge...
"...hey, Air China. Ya'll ever gonna give us our plane and crew back?"
The TRACON could be heard exploding into laughter. I, on the otherhand, had to do a little "Carpet Dance" for my chief pilot. It was worth it!
It's not a tray table, it's a Flight Attendant Jump-seat! Mind the joy stick.
