Witnessed this one as a pilot, one of the funniest I've heard myself.
A busy first 15 minutes of "night" at a flight training airport...


Ground, GABC, on the apron looking for taxi instructions for circuits, information Echo.

GABC, Ground, The circuit is full, I can wait list you if you want, you'll be number one.

Ground, GABC Roger.

--- A pour soul is left to control both twr/gnd frequencies, clearly doing his best in a busy circuit (already full) ---

Ground, GABC, can I do my run-up?

GABC, Ground, roger, the apron is uncontrolled, run-up at your discretion...

--- (A bunch more calls are made to accommodate the busy circuit) 2 minutes later ---

Ground, GABC...

GABC, Ground, standby...

(pilot pauses 30 seconds, chirps in at first short break)

Ground, GABC, How much longer do you think it will be?!?

GABC, Sorry I'm not a fortune teller, I will CALL YOU when a space opens up!

---silence from the pilot then on, unfortunately I departed and missed the rest of the exchanges, if any

AAL checking in off ocean in YVR FIR enroute to KJFK...

Center any chance of more direct? My wife is planning on getting pregnant later today and i was hoping to be there for it.

We cut a tape and listen to it often.

Back in the old one runway days the YVR guys really pushed the tin when they could. One day right in the middle of the friday evening rush I was cleared to position on 26 just after a 737 went by. Right behind him was a 747 on final. It was just getting dark so with all his lights on the 747 looked both huge and close. I quickly went to position and had to wait for the 737 to exit. Knowing that 747 has got to be getting close, I start bringing the power up. The off in cleared for takeoff was barely out of the controllers mouth and I was rolling. I guess the controller saw this because he added "guess you thought you were going to be squashed like a bug ehh"

"Barney ...Barney...In the tower...what is the runway for this hour?"

"Oh little fella with wings on your jacket, it's runway 10 right...if you think you can hack it!"

The pilot instructor was John Hackett, deputy flight commander, "A" Flight, Moose Jaw...and it got me a brew after night flying finished

I took off in YZF a couple of days ago and as we rotated I saw a seagull which had been slaughtered on the runway from a previous departing A/C. Once we dealt with centre (I totally forgot about mentioning it to tower on departure), my FO put the #2 radio back to YZF tower and here goes the conversation...

FO: "Tower, looks like there's a dead seagull about 1/2 way down runway 09."
Tower: "OK, I'll let someone know and they'll have it picked up"
***Suddenly I have a brainwave***
Me: "Request you call YK-Inflight for pick-up." (They do our catering)
Tower: "Say again?"
Me: (Trying to contain my laughter) "Request you call YK-Inflight for pick-up."
Tower: "FAB 857, I'm sorry - we're quite busy...you're going to have to ask company to make that phone call sir."

It was quite busy with only one guy manning ground/tower frequencies...so I think he missed my humour...but on that note - hats off to the YZF guys and gal for the excellent job they do on a regular basis. Gonna try to stumble up there one of these times to meet everyone, but all those stairs are quite intimidating!

CYKZ this morning talking to a helicopter

CYKZ:"[HELI], can I get you to land on 21"
HELI:"Winds are favouring 33 though"
CYKZ:"250 at 7, that's closer to 21"
HELI:"Still seems better if I take 33, but your choice"
CYKZ:"Take 21 please"

Years ago in YYC.... (This while CDN were still around flying 737's as ZIP call sign). An ACA heavy waiting to depart clearly getting annoyed with the line up wait. ZIP on short final. The gal in the tower clearly getting frustrated with ACA persistance.....
ACA...Tower we've been holding short for quite some time now, are we ever going to get off?
Tower(really pissed off)... "Sir I'll get you off as soon as I get my Zipper down!"
SILENCE

IFRATC

From a really old thread on here:

quoting Thump:

Actually overheard this on YVR Terminal:

"Zip 450 through 12000 for fl280" (well don't remember #)
atc "roger..."

looooong pause (not busy)

atc " so, you in the hot pink today?"
......... (no answer)

someone else replies with a nice slow lisp (as feminine as a man could sound): "it's salmon"

From a really old thread on here:

quoting Thump:

Actually overheard this on YVR Terminal:

"Zip 450 through 12000 for fl280" (well don't remember #)
atc "roger..."

looooong pause (not busy)

atc " so, you in the hot pink today?"
......... (no answer)

someone else replies with a nice slow lisp (as feminine as a man could sound): "it's salmon"

LOL! So far that takes the first prize!

Edo wrote:From a really old thread on here:

quoting Thump:

Actually overheard this on YVR Terminal:

"Zip 450 through 12000 for fl280" (well don't remember #)
atc "roger..."

looooong pause (not busy)

atc " so, you in the hot pink today?"
......... (no answer)

someone else replies with a nice slow lisp (as feminine as a man could sound): "it's salmon"

haha, thats a good one

After departure GABC advises Radio he will be diverting west for a moment to check something.
30 seconds go by....

GABC- "we are turning on course, we had a bit of trouble getting the gear up but everything looks good now."

Radio- "Roger"

GABC- "I suppose its better not being able to get it up then the opposite!"

Not able to resist...

Radio- "Not Always!"

Two airlines that fly out of La Ronge, TransWest and Westwind. One day Westwind flight calls up for departure advisory:

WEW: Prince Albert radio, Westwind 702"

Radio quickly responds: "Transwest 702 La Ronge radio"

A co-worker once told me this one:

Vancouver Tower to a Traffic Patrol Helicopter:

Twr: Helicopter FABC, Traffic is a Shorts 360, short Final Runway 26 and A Beaver turning final for the Water, cleared to land avitat ramp.

Helicopter: Roger I have the Shorts down low and the Beaver in sight.

A British Airways 757 and a USAF C-5 Galaxy were flying in the same aerospace.

The cocky C-5 pilot, in an attempt to belittle the airliner's crew, keyed his mike and in a macho voice said: "Speedbird 309, what's your gross?"

BA Captain replied: "A little under 200 000 pounds a year, whats yours?"

ATIS in Windsor:

wind ### @ ##.... etc.
inform ATC you have information Echo
Echo
Echo
....echo
............echo
.....................echo

In YXU:

A/C#1 - ABC 20 miles north inbound for landing
A/C#2 - DEF holding short Alpha ready for takeoff
Tower - ignoring #2 for interrupting: ABC fly heading 120 turn final from there
A/C#2 - Turn final from here, DEF

no reply from the tower, i assume they were either laughing or thinking of a career change

GilletteNorth wrote:Two airlines that fly out of La Ronge, TransWest and Westwind. One day Westwind flight calls up for departure advisory:

WEW: Prince Albert radio, Westwind 702"

Radio quickly responds: "Transwest 702 La Ronge radio"

Hahah that's great. They call us La Ronge radio quite a bit as well. It's nice being called "Prince Albert Tower" by some of the yankees that fly here though.

ypamcvey wrote: Hahah that's great. They call us La Ronge radio quite a bit as well. It's nice being called "Prince Albert Tower" by some of the yankees that fly here though.

I got called Thompson approach. I swear it didn't go to my head. Was kinda worried if he knew something about the upcoming traffic that I didn't, though.

A controller in montreal responed in Quebec french to Air France.

The response from Air France was "as long as your not going to speak french neither are we, english only please"

roger.roger wrote:A controller in montreal responed in Quebec french to Air France.

The response from Air France was "as long as your not going to speak french neither are we, english only please"

English or French they still don't understand anything.

This happened at the FSS station where I work. We routinely check for landing gear of aircraft on final, and a co-worker was looking for the gear of a Rockwell Turbo Commander, a bird dog returning from a forest fire. They have very short nose gear, and since he was landing on the far end of the runway, even with binoculars, it was pretty hard to see.
After the guy landed, she said "I almost had to ask you to pull up, your gear was so short, I couldn't see it."
He replied "oh, I didn't even know you check for landing gear."
And from pilot of the tanker, still 10 miles out, "You're not the first woman to tell him his gear was too short."

We laughed about that for a while!

Many years ago, back when we were switching from using registration letters to phonetics, at or near YQR, a pilot fondly referred to as Ajax was flying an aircraft with marks which ended in FU. ATC were trying to convince him to follow the new protocol and respond with “Foxtrot Uniform”. The response, consistently, was F U.

Also some time ago, somewhere over the prairies on a dark and very, very quiet night, out of the silence came “quack, quack”. A minute or so goes by with no other comms, then again “quack, quack”. A second transmitter comes on immediately “BANG!”, then from the first transmitter “quack, quack, quack, quack!” Then the silence resumed.

PC: I remember Ajax very well...he haunted the RFC lounge quite frequently. I also remember one night flying session before phonetics with AKP, AKT, and ZKT chasing one another around the circuit...and number 3 would ask for a "Close pattern" every other circuit giving a certain female controller a very bad time trying to remember the sequence. Just think about it! It was all pre-arranged in the club house before we launched.

Old Dog, we likely know each other. I had my share of pints at the RFC as well. Ah, the good old days!

Speaking of ATC encounters, we could probably go on and on about the old days at CYQR, or just Ajax in particular. I believe the QR tower was known for the most inappropriate comments on frequency in the entire country, much to the frustration of TC. Pilots, ATC, engineers—everyone spent time at the RFC it seemed, and there was more than one plot hatched there. They were all fun!

We were dubbed the "Snowflake" formation with this plus one other by the guys at CYMJ. I had to go into Regina for aircraft parts for one of the airshow performers and so used the call-sign "Snowflake One" as a joke.

"Regina Tower Snowflake One"....very long pause followed by a curious responce...
"Regina , Snowflake One...Belle Plaine with ATIS ( ) landing Regina"

Before the tower guy could answer I heard...

"Regina Tower...Snowflake Two"...which got my mojo going...this was going to be fun! The pilot of Two was a YQR tower guy moonlighting as an instructor

This was quickly followed by ..you guessed it..

"Regina Tower , Snowflake Three by the beacon" a red and white twin...AC Diesel 9

"OK you guys, you've had your fun now who is who out there..?"

Only later did I find out that the tower guy had been given the nickname "Snowflake" he thought that the whole world was pulling his leg.

Snowflake might have been a little sensitive but he was a good controller. Two of the regulars from the RFC decided to moon him. Snowflake was working the Tower position and two un-named pilots went up in a light twin. They advised Tower they had a gear problem, and could they do a low pass by the tower to have him check the gear. Snowflake had his binoculars so trained on the gear that he missed the big moon cheeks up against the right window!