don't marry a pilot

[E-Flyer]

Perhaps the topic line should read "Pilots, don't marry a useless lazy, whining couch potato". I got rid of mine. It took me a long time to find a partner who is supportive of my flying disease. That's all you need. Or do the single life. If you like your job, you've got it made! If you love it, you're probably a pilot

What's wrong with having a girl friend in point of arrival?

[bbb]

Flip it around boys, and see how'd you'd like it. Got to be honest with yourself about it though, no "of course I'm fine with that".
Female pilots have even more trouble, guys can't seem to stand the fact that we're not "home" all the time. Overnight pairings seem to bring out the worse in lots of guys. Much more so than the "schedule" that doesn't equal normal hours. And this not from just non-pilot types, also (and maybe to a greater extent) pilots! perhaps because of how they or their buddies or the mythical pilot acts?

[MichaelP]

I knew a couple, both worked in the computer - accounting business, both flew on the weekends.
He would get home to an empty house, and her train would come later, and vice versa.
They commuted, came home tired, no meal on the table, no different experience to talk about. Same same and the marriage failed.

Last time I saw him, he was living in Asia, met an understanding woman and was living happily.

For the guys, coming home after a long days work to a home cooked meal and a wife who cared is a long ago culture... It rarely exists outside some religious communities.

The western world is in transition, few people have any idea of where they are, who they are, and what their parts in any relationship should be.
It's no longer simple.

In many parts of Asia it is still simple, and perhaps that is why so many white males marry asian women.
It's not to criticise western women, not at all... Men just can't change as rapidly as women have.

There can be no stability (marriage?) where there is so much confusion.

Me, I support any woman's right to a career; I have let them go rather than tried to hold on to them.
But, I still open doors for women, and try to be a gentleman.

I do remember my teenage years in Montreal where some women would complain "I am perfectly capable of opening a door myself!". That was when there was even more 'positive change' in society.

[iflyforpie]

I thank God that I have a traditional wife who stayed at home for the last six years and appreciates the perks of being female. She is working part-time now, but doesn't want a career, just some extra money for spending and saving.

As for myself, I'm not going to burn myself out working for peanuts as an F/O in Fort Bumfuck Canada with a terrible schedule so that maybe someday I'll make $300,000/yr and still never see the family (or not have one left). I may not make much, but it's enough and I get to spend quality time with the wife almost every day.

The problem with many couples is they equate money and success to happiness. But in the pursuit of both they lose the most important thing of all.

[Guido]

As for myself, I'm not going to burn myself out working for peanuts as an F/O in Fort Bumfuck Canada with a terrible schedule so that maybe someday I'll make $300,000/yr and still never see the family (or not have one left). I may not make much, but it's enough and I get to spend quality time with the wife almost every day.

The problem with many couples is they equate money and success to happiness. But in the pursuit of both they lose the most important thing of all.

This here is exactly why I reconsidered my decision to get into aviation... I want to live my life, not spend the entire time working towards a dream that might not even be possible for me.

[newpilotwife]

Second marriage to a pilot - I had a job that bored me to tears (it didnt turn out to be what was promised), hubby works overseas half the year or more - No matter how long his rotations home were, they werent enough with me working 9-5. Once we got somewhat financially secure we decided I'd quit my job and concentrate on things I enjoy doing. His away rotations now dont seem as bad (and I truly am happy he is happy doing what he loves) because I now have enough 'hubby' time.

[Pilotwife]

Good for you, Newpilotwife, for recognizing one of the basic rules for a good
marriage/relatioship. The major wage-earner must be happy in his/her work and have
full support from their partner or thingsjust don't work well. I never wanted a 'career', (my career was bringing up 2 kids and keeping the homefires burning! If that sounds old fashioned, so what...it sure worked for us), but I have worked over the years for 'play'
money. We are both at the other end of the working world spectrem, likely
retire in the next 5 or 6 years, but I gladly followed my husband around
while he built his career. (btw, he never had the desire to go to the airlines, and never did) Call me a dinasaur, but I have loved this life, and part of our successful marrige hails
from the fact that HE had the career, I was the supporting role.

Pilotwife

[Just another canuck]

…

[MichaelP]

It once was traditional to say that behind every successful man there was a woman.
I believe that today.

The world worked in my favour, it was easy, and I did not know until I ended that relationship why it was...
Why?
Because as I wrote above: "Me, I support any woman's right to a career", and I wanted someone to be there...
Twice this has happened, and twice I made the same mistake... or was it a mistake?
Life is confusing, should one deny a woman her career or even stifle it a little for relationship?
A whole 70's dogma to address a perceived wrong in our western society was itself perhaps wrong?

Regardless of my own experience, I have seen relationship work and work very well indeed.
Solitude is a cop out.
Divorce is disaster, but perhaps much less of a disaster than sticking it out as was forced in the past...
Honesty, and reality are what we require.

Don't marry a pilot?

Many books written by and about test pilots in the war years and into the 50's show that it was important to the employer that the pilot was married, preferably happily of course... Mental health was considered to be better in a married test pilot!
But perhaps it takes a very different type of woman in this day and age.

[Cat Driver]

as well as your porn addiction...

How often do you have to watch porn to call it an addiction Just another canuck?

[Just another canuck]

…

[lilfssister]

There are tons of asian porn sites/bordellos/sell your sister/daughter for what you can get places.

You might find that the aisian women who marry/live with north american guys are escaping a far worse future of sexual degradation/subjugation with NO material rewards, for a relationship where they exchange sex and supression of their own lifetime desires, for security and perceived material "betterment".

As an aside...interesting show on Oprah today in regard to men cheating and why they do. Y'all need hugs and validation. (Same as yr women, by the way!)

[Just another canuck]

…

[SkyWolfe]

I know plenty of people who have been happily married for 25+ years... and they ARE happy. I know some who are divorced etc.

I am a pilot married to a pilot - we make sacrafices for eachother - like in almost every relationship out there.

And I don't know why marriage has this weird no sex policy... Maybe it's because half the men seem to think they are still attractive when they lose their hair, get fat, and grow hair in places such as their backs... Personally, I don't care - but many women do - just like men don't like old saggy women.

Don't brand everyone with the same stick.

[Just another canuck]

…

[MichaelP]

Asia is a very big place with a lot of different cultures.

In China during the cultural revolution women were urged to cut their hair shorter and to wear the same uniform, blue or green as the men... Talk about "Brave New World"!
Women and men were therefore kept in the dark and sexuality was frowned upon...

Now there are more massage parlours and bath houses offering your hormone's desires in a Chinese town than there are pubs in a British one
I was shocked, and I thought that Chinese women obviously didn't do it... and then there's the one child policy.
Imagine growing up with a child of the 60's parent in China... Worse than Victorian prudity.

I spend a lot of time in Thailand, it is a beautiful country with a peaceful tolerance of all that farangs desire...
If you get involved with a Thai woman, she will not be tolerant of a gek (bit on the side/mistress) unless she is in the game so to speak.
A Thai woman demands fidelity and in return she is fiercely loyal.
Thai women are able to stay the course, they have some terrible men there, but Thai women are also strong.
Thai women do seek out farangs, they think we are all well off especially if we are pilots
There are women in the game who exploit farangs for their money... Go to Pattaya and you'll find women who have several foreign men sending them money from abroad... Mai dee mak mak.
I don't like Pattaya, but I do fly from two of the local airfields!

Chiang Mai has fewer game birds, and many more real people.
Thai people unspoiled by the sex trade are honourable, kind and friendly. Incredibly kind... You would never starve there if you ran out of money.
I spend a lot of time in Chiang Mai and flying to places around there... Sanook mak mak.

I have met many many honourable women, and many not so honourable ones in aviation.
I have been used by one to get her licence... She went man to man to progress in aviation but had to marry the bloke with the Learjet... Last I heard she was flying Airbus 320s...
I don't think I'd likely marry a pilot!
I am trying to think of women pilots I know who have happy and successful marriages... I'll keep thinking and post here if I can think of one!

Sky Wolfe might be one... we'll see, it's only been a fortnight so far... Congratulations BTW, and where's my piece of cake?

[Duncan Idaho]

Second marriage to a pilot - I had a job that bored me to tears (it didnt turn out to be what was promised), hubby works overseas half the year or more - No matter how long his rotations home were, they werent enough with me working 9-5. Once we got somewhat financially secure we decided I'd quit my job and concentrate on things I enjoy doing. His away rotations now dont seem as bad (and I truly am happy he is happy doing what he loves) because I now have enough 'hubby' time.

Good for you, Newpilotwife, for recognizing one of the basic rules for a good
marriage/relatioship. The major wage-earner must be happy in his/her work and have
full support from their partner or thingsjust don't work well. I never wanted a 'career', (my career was bringing up 2 kids and keeping the homefires burning! If that sounds old fashioned, so what...it sure worked for us), but I have worked over the years for 'play'
money. We are both at the other end of the working world spectrem, likely
retire in the next 5 or 6 years, but I gladly followed my husband around
while he built his career. (btw, he never had the desire to go to the airlines, and never did) Call me a dinasaur, but I have loved this life, and part of our successful marrige hails
from the fact that HE had the career, I was the supporting role.

Pilotwife

You two make me smile inside.