Vin Diesel once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors
If you rearrange the letters in Vin Diesel it reveals his credo: "I End Lives."
When Vin Diesel drinks pee, his asparagus smells funny.
There is no "I" in team. There are two "I"s in Vin Diesel. @#$! you, team.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Vin Diesel allows to live.
When Vin Diesel goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
When Vin Diesel was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's Vin Diesel!" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Vin Diesel could use to kill you, including the room itself.
Crop circles are Vin's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the @#$! down.
When Vin Diesel jumps into a body of water, he doesn't get wet. The water gets Vin instead.
Vin Diesel has two speeds: walk and kill.
Vin Diesel is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Vin Diesel has always been able to find Waldo, except for one time. He found himself stumped on the last page of Where's Waldo Now?, not being able to find the Waldo without a shoe. He threw the book down and screamed, "This is BULLSHIT!" They're all wearing shoes." He then proceeded to eat the book and exclaim, "IF I CAN'T FIND WALDO, THEN NO ONE CAN!" The book he ate belonged to a child that he had borrowed it from. The child began to cry and Vin ate him for good measure. The incident has since been refered to as Christmas.
In fine print at on the last page of the Guiness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Vin Diesel, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever come to matching him.
Vin Diesel is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose's shit.
You are what you eat. That is why Vin Diesel's diet consists entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.
Vin Diesel can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
Vin Diesel can divide by zero.
Vin Diesel once beat Super Mario Bros 3 without even touching his Nintendo controller. He just yelled at his TV in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich, and the game beat itself out of fear.
Vin Diesel is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
Vin Diesel doesn't believe in rubber condoms. Instead, he sticks his penis in a girl, and uses that girl as a condom while fucking another.
Vin Diesel played Russian Roulete with a fully loaded gun and won.
If you were to lock Vin Diesel in a room with a guitar, a year later you would have the greatest album ever, it would sweep the Grammy's. When asked why he doesn't do this Vin replied "Because Grammy's are for queers." Then he ate a knife to show the seriousness of his response.
On his birthday, Vin Diesel randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object" was finally solved when Vin Diesel punched himself in the face.
Magnetic compasses do not point toward true North - they point in the direction of Vin Diesel. He just likes to sit on a lawn chair and shout, "Jackets are for pussies!" at the Acrtic researchers.
Vin Diesel invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
Vin Diesel was the hunter who shot Bambi's Mother. He then wore her carcass like it was a coat while he made his rounds at the local children's hospital.
When Vin Diesel does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
Whenever Vin Diesel puts out a cigarette, he throws it in slow motion into a long line of gasoline and calmly walks away as an inferno erupts behind him.
30 Interesting facts about Vin Diesel
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Vin Diesel? PFFFF!
. Norris however....
. Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Rather than being birthed like a normal child, . Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.
. Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, . roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
. Norris does not sleep. He waits.
. Norris was put on this earth to do two things: drink some beer and kick some ass. . Norris successfully drank all of the beer this world had to offer by the time he was 3 months old. He has been kicking ass ever since.
. Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
. Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, . met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
. Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could . if a woodchuck could . wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF . NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't @#$! with .!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.
When . Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. . Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
The chief export of . Norris is pain.
. Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. . Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.
. Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like . Norris
. Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
If you can see . Norris, he can see you. If you can't see . Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
. Norris won 'Jumanji' without ever saying the word. He simply beat the living shit out of everything that was thrown at him, and the game forfeited.
. Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have . omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, . Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, . Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that . giveth, and the good ., he taketh away.
. Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".
. Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
. Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
When . Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending . Norris. His reasoning? It was more "humane".
There are no disabled people. Only people who have met . Norris.
. Norris frequently signs up for beginner karate classes, just so he can "accidentally" beat the shit out of little kids.
One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was the fact that Hitler did not commit suicide in his bunker, but was in fact tea-bagged to death by . Norris.
. Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
. Norris doesn't understand why you should consult your doctor if your erection lasts for more than 4 hours. His erections have been known to last for up to 15 days.
When . Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.
The original theme song to the Transformers was actually ". Norris--more than meets the eye, . Norris--robot in disguise," and starred . Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.
Crop circles are . Norris's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the @#$! down!
. Norris however....
. Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Rather than being birthed like a normal child, . Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.
. Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, . roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
. Norris does not sleep. He waits.
. Norris was put on this earth to do two things: drink some beer and kick some ass. . Norris successfully drank all of the beer this world had to offer by the time he was 3 months old. He has been kicking ass ever since.
. Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
. Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, . met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
. Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could . if a woodchuck could . wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF . NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't @#$! with .!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.
When . Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. . Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
The chief export of . Norris is pain.
. Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. . Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.
. Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like . Norris
. Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
If you can see . Norris, he can see you. If you can't see . Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
. Norris won 'Jumanji' without ever saying the word. He simply beat the living shit out of everything that was thrown at him, and the game forfeited.
. Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have . omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, . Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, . Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that . giveth, and the good ., he taketh away.
. Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".
. Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
. Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
When . Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending . Norris. His reasoning? It was more "humane".
There are no disabled people. Only people who have met . Norris.
. Norris frequently signs up for beginner karate classes, just so he can "accidentally" beat the shit out of little kids.
One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was the fact that Hitler did not commit suicide in his bunker, but was in fact tea-bagged to death by . Norris.
. Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
. Norris doesn't understand why you should consult your doctor if your erection lasts for more than 4 hours. His erections have been known to last for up to 15 days.
When . Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.
The original theme song to the Transformers was actually ". Norris--more than meets the eye, . Norris--robot in disguise," and starred . Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.
Crop circles are . Norris's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the @#$! down!
What do you mean space shuttle time not required but prefered???
