Approach Control

AV8OR · Post by **AV8OR** » Mon Sep 20, 2004 3:37 pm

O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, eastbound."

United 239: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this..... I've got the little Fokker in sight."

Yoyoma · Post by **Yoyoma** » Tue Sep 21, 2004 6:04 am

O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, eastbound."

United 239: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this..... I've got the little Fokker in sight."

I like that one...!

Glossary of aviation terms:

-Emergency generator - device which generates emergencies, also known as a simulator.
-Landing light - preferable to landing heavy.
-Bank - owners of mortgage on aircraft.
-Walkaround - procedure when waiting for better weather.
-Briefing - spending a long time saying nothing.
-De-briefing - spending a long time saying nothing after you have done it. "

One liners:

-Airline captain: "If only I made as much money as people think I make, had as much time off as my neighbours think I have and had as much fun on stopovers as my wife thinks I have".

-Sign seen at refueling point: WARNING Do not operate any radio transmitter within 100 metres of the pumps. If your life is not worth anything..... the fuel is!

-Any attempt to stretch fuel is guaranteed to increase headwinds.

-A thunderstorm is nature's way of saying "Up yours!"

-Keep looking around, there's always something you missed.

-Remember, you're always a student in an airplane.

-Any pilot who does not at least privately consider himself the best in the business...is in the wrong business.

-It's best to keep the pointy end going forward as much as possible.

-Hovering is for pilots who love to fly but have no place to go.

-The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.

-The only thing worse than a captain who never flew copilot is a copilot who was once a captain.

-A terminal forecast is a horoscope with numbers.

-Takeoffs are optional. Landings are mandatory.

-The first thing every pilot does after making a gear up landing is to put the gear handle DOWN. <-- I like that!

Bumperstickers:

Stewardesses do it in the air
Airline pilots do it straight and level
Reconnaissance pilots just look at it
Stewardesses do it all over the world
Fighter pilots do it better
Bomber pilots do it with a big bang

And the words of wisdom!!

-It's easy to make a small fortune in aviation, just start with a large fortune.

sherlock · Post by **sherlock** » Fri Feb 25, 2005 9:11 am

Cargo pilots do it all night long.

jimdandy · Post by **jimdandy** » Sat Feb 26, 2005 4:29 pm

What is the difference between a pilot and God?
God doesn't think he is a pilot.

What do u call a pregnant flight attendeant?
Pilot Error.

Flying Low · Post by **Flying Low** » Sat Feb 26, 2005 7:33 pm

Glider Pilots Keep It Up Longer!

bush pilot · Post by **bush pilot** » Sun Feb 27, 2005 8:13 pm

Float pilots do it in the bush

Siddley Hawker · Post by **Siddley Hawker** » Mon Feb 28, 2005 9:17 pm

My favourite..

"United 723 O'Hare, how's the ride?"
"Moderate chop, the Captain just stuck his fork in his eye."
"TWA 441 O'Hare, how's your ride?"
"I dunno, we're not eatin' yet."

. ._ · Post by **. ._** » Tue Mar 01, 2005 1:20 pm

IFR pilots do it in the clouds.

-istp

Tube Driver · Post by **Tube Driver** » Wed Mar 02, 2005 8:10 am

helicopter pilots get it up quicker.

cptnCanada · Post by **cptnCanada** » Tue Mar 08, 2005 10:45 am

single crew pilots get to do it on their own

hazatude · Post by **hazatude** » Tue Mar 08, 2005 4:10 pm

Linecrew gets to do all the pilot's wives while they're up there playing around in the Great Blue Yonder

sherlock · Post by **sherlock** » Wed Mar 09, 2005 8:52 pm

Multi-engine pilots do two (or more) at once.

captain_parsons · Post by **captain_parsons** » Wed Mar 16, 2005 7:49 pm

Treat your woman like you treat your airplane. Get in her five times a day and take her to heaven and back!

and another fav.

Pilots make smoother approaches!