ATC encounters

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Topspin
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Re: ATC encounters

Post by Topspin »

I once heard another student getting furious calling ATIS for a current weather update, couldn't firgure out why they weren't responding. They sat in the office listening on the scanner for a good 20 minutes laughing before somebody told him.
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Bushnip
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Re: ATC encounters

Post by Bushnip »

Sequencing a CYYZ flight to CYVR:

Vancouver Centre – “ACA 101 for sequencing reduce to Mach 76 or less.”

Pilot – (pause) “Ahh Centre we are already behind schedule and need to make our gate time. We would like to keep the speed up.”

Vancouver Centre – “ACA 101 roger, you pick your speed and then I’ll pick your heading.”

Pilot - "Roger Mach 76 or less".
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LWTwr
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Re: ATC encounters

Post by LWTwr »

Doom2: Centre, we're requesting FL350.

ZQM Radar: Doom2, climb FL350.

ZQM data controller in background "what? you're going to have to move three guys to make that work?!"

ZQM radar: I'm not saying 'no' to a guy who carries nukes, calls himself "DOOM" and happens to be overhead.

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ABC: Ground, we're in front of the tower looking to taxi to the south apron.

Ground: Confirm you're ON the south apron looking to taxi TO the south apron?

ABC: That's correct, sir.

Ground: I dunno what to tell you... Good luck?

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Tower: ABC, you're #1, runway 26L

ABC: Roger, #1, looking for traffic.

Tower: Uh... check that, continue downwind 'til you have the traffic, report clearing the zone.

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Tower: ABC, Squawk Ident
ABC: Sorry, tower. I'm not familiar with the area.

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Tower: ABC, Squawk Ident
ABC: Say again
Tower: ABC... Squawk... Ident
ABC: tower, I don't know what that means.
Tower: Do you know where your transponder is?
ABC: Yes
Tower: is there a button on there that says "ident"?
ABC: Yes
Tower: PRESS IT
ABC: Not until you tell me what it does.
Tower: It ejects the wings, now press it.

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ABC (C172) calls tower requesting takeoff with 757 1/2 mile final.
Tower: Look to your left, decide how lucky you feel and ask me that again.
ABC: Tower... we... uh... we'll wait.
Tower: Thought you might.

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ABC: tower, this is ABC, 6 miles to the east... inbound... requesting a touch and go at 2000 feet.
Tower (trying to be funny): Sorry, ABC, we keep our runway at Sea Level here, would you like clearance to an airport in alberta?
ABC said nothing, turned around and flew elsewhere.
Tower: Sorry, I thought that was funny. I guess not.
Transport Canada Helo: TGO, WE thought it was hilarious.

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oldtimer
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Re: ATC encounters

Post by oldtimer »

Heard of traffic heading westbound into Calgary. Asked to slow down, pilot was slow responding. Center offered "160 - Knots or heading, your choice"
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oldtimer
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Re: ATC encounters

Post by oldtimer »

This is an actual exchange, heard it myself. The pilot was a cattleman from Dodge City Kansas and a real character. Calgary tower used two oil tanks as a marker for VFR.

"Calgary Tower this is November 1234 South east and landing Calgary"

"November 1234, Calgary Tower - Wind etc. etc. Call over the twin tanks and go ahead your position.

"November 1234 is over the turkey farm"

November 1234, Calgary Tower, Where is this turkey farm?"

Algary Tower, November 1234, you tell me where those twin tanks are and I will tell you where this turkey farm is."
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The average pilot, despite the somewhat swaggering exterior, is very much capable of such feelings as love, affection, intimacy and caring.
These feelings just don't involve anyone else.
taylor498
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Re: ATC encounters

Post by taylor498 »

Witnessed this one as a pilot, one of the funniest I've heard myself.
A busy first 15 minutes of "night" at a flight training airport...


Ground, GABC, on the apron looking for taxi instructions for circuits, information Echo.

GABC, Ground, The circuit is full, I can wait list you if you want, you'll be number one.

Ground, GABC Roger.

--- A pour soul is left to control both twr/gnd frequencies, clearly doing his best in a busy circuit (already full) ---

Ground, GABC, can I do my run-up?

GABC, Ground, roger, the apron is uncontrolled, run-up at your discretion...

--- (A bunch more calls are made to accommodate the busy circuit) 2 minutes later ---

Ground, GABC...

GABC, Ground, standby...

(pilot pauses 30 seconds, chirps in at first short break)

Ground, GABC, How much longer do you think it will be?!?

GABC, Sorry I'm not a fortune teller, I will CALL YOU when a space opens up!

---silence from the pilot then on, unfortunately I departed and missed the rest of the exchanges, if any :-D
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Raydar
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Re: ATC encounters

Post by Raydar »

AAL checking in off ocean in YVR FIR enroute to KJFK...

Center any chance of more direct? My wife is planning on getting pregnant later today and i was hoping to be there for it.

We cut a tape and listen to it often.
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Big Pistons Forever
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Re: ATC encounters

Post by Big Pistons Forever »

Back in the old one runway days the YVR guys really pushed the tin when they could. One day right in the middle of the friday evening rush I was cleared to position on 26 just after a 737 went by. Right behind him was a 747 on final. It was just getting dark so with all his lights on the 747 looked both huge and close. I quickly went to position and had to wait for the 737 to exit. Knowing that 747 has got to be getting close, I start bringing the power up. The off in cleared for takeoff was barely out of the controllers mouth and I was rolling. I guess the controller saw this because he added "guess you thought you were going to be squashed like a bug ehh" :lol:
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Old Dog Flying
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Re: ATC encounters

Post by Old Dog Flying »

"Barney ...Barney...In the tower...what is the runway for this hour?"

"Oh little fella with wings on your jacket, it's runway 10 right...if you think you can hack it!"

The pilot instructor was John Hackett, deputy flight commander, "A" Flight, Moose Jaw...and it got me a brew after night flying finished
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young grasshopper
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Re: ATC encounters

Post by young grasshopper »

I took off in YZF a couple of days ago and as we rotated I saw a seagull which had been slaughtered on the runway from a previous departing A/C. Once we dealt with centre (I totally forgot about mentioning it to tower on departure), my FO put the #2 radio back to YZF tower and here goes the conversation...

FO: "Tower, looks like there's a dead seagull about 1/2 way down runway 09."
Tower: "OK, I'll let someone know and they'll have it picked up"
***Suddenly I have a brainwave***
Me: "Request you call YK-Inflight for pick-up." (They do our catering)
Tower: "Say again?"
Me: (Trying to contain my laughter) "Request you call YK-Inflight for pick-up."
Tower: "FAB 857, I'm sorry - we're quite busy...you're going to have to ask company to make that phone call sir."

It was quite busy with only one guy manning ground/tower frequencies...so I think he missed my humour...but on that note - hats off to the YZF guys and gal for the excellent job they do on a regular basis. Gonna try to stumble up there one of these times to meet everyone, but all those stairs are quite intimidating!
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Re: ATC encounters

Post by flyingdan »

CYKZ this morning talking to a helicopter

CYKZ:"[HELI], can I get you to land on 21"
HELI:"Winds are favouring 33 though"
CYKZ:"250 at 7, that's closer to 21"
HELI:"Still seems better if I take 33, but your choice"
CYKZ:"Take 21 please"
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IFRATC
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Re: ATC encounters

Post by IFRATC »

Years ago in YYC.... (This while CDN were still around flying 737's as ZIP call sign). An ACA heavy waiting to depart clearly getting annoyed with the line up wait. ZIP on short final. The gal in the tower clearly getting frustrated with ACA persistance.....
ACA...Tower we've been holding short for quite some time now, are we ever going to get off?
Tower(really pissed off)... "Sir I'll get you off as soon as I get my Zipper down!"
SILENCE

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Edo
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Re: ATC encounters

Post by Edo »

From a really old thread on here:

quoting Thump:

Actually overheard this on YVR Terminal:

"Zip 450 through 12000 for fl280" (well don't remember #)
atc "roger..."

looooong pause (not busy)

atc " so, you in the hot pink today?"
......... (no answer)

someone else replies with a nice slow lisp (as feminine as a man could sound): "it's salmon"
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Freddy_Francis
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Re: ATC encounters

Post by Freddy_Francis »

From a really old thread on here:

quoting Thump:

Actually overheard this on YVR Terminal:

"Zip 450 through 12000 for fl280" (well don't remember #)
atc "roger..."

looooong pause (not busy)

atc " so, you in the hot pink today?"
......... (no answer)

someone else replies with a nice slow lisp (as feminine as a man could sound): "it's salmon"
LOL! :prayer: So far that takes the first prize! :lol:
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Hoov
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Re: ATC encounters

Post by Hoov »

Edo wrote:From a really old thread on here:

quoting Thump:

Actually overheard this on YVR Terminal:

"Zip 450 through 12000 for fl280" (well don't remember #)
atc "roger..."

looooong pause (not busy)

atc " so, you in the hot pink today?"
......... (no answer)

someone else replies with a nice slow lisp (as feminine as a man could sound): "it's salmon"
haha, thats a good one
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Re: ATC encounters

Post by FSS002 »

After departure GABC advises Radio he will be diverting west for a moment to check something.
30 seconds go by....

GABC- "we are turning on course, we had a bit of trouble getting the gear up but everything looks good now."

Radio- "Roger"

GABC- "I suppose its better not being able to get it up then the opposite!"

Not able to resist...

Radio- "Not Always!"
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GilletteNorth
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Re: ATC encounters

Post by GilletteNorth »

Two airlines that fly out of La Ronge, TransWest and Westwind. One day Westwind flight calls up for departure advisory:

WEW: Prince Albert radio, Westwind 702"

Radio quickly responds: "Transwest 702 La Ronge radio"
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Edo
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Re: ATC encounters

Post by Edo »

A co-worker once told me this one:

Vancouver Tower to a Traffic Patrol Helicopter:

Twr: Helicopter FABC, Traffic is a Shorts 360, short Final Runway 26 and A Beaver turning final for the Water, cleared to land avitat ramp.

Helicopter: Roger I have the Shorts down low and the Beaver in sight.
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graVT NME
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Re: ATC encounters

Post by graVT NME »

A British Airways 757 and a USAF C-5 Galaxy were flying in the same aerospace.

The cocky C-5 pilot, in an attempt to belittle the airliner's crew, keyed his mike and in a macho voice said: "Speedbird 309, what's your gross?"

BA Captain replied: "A little under 200 000 pounds a year, whats yours?"
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Stevo226
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Re: ATC encounters

Post by Stevo226 »

ATIS in Windsor:

wind ### @ ##.... etc.
inform ATC you have information Echo
Echo
Echo
....echo
............echo
.....................echo

In YXU:

A/C#1 - ABC 20 miles north inbound for landing
A/C#2 - DEF holding short Alpha ready for takeoff
Tower - ignoring #2 for interrupting: ABC fly heading 120 turn final from there
A/C#2 - Turn final from here, DEF

no reply from the tower, i assume they were either laughing or thinking of a career change
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