A renowned international authority (me) has developed the Ludicrosity Index (L.I.). Using LI it is possible to assign a numerical value to ludicrous meausures we have to live with in the aviation industry. The index uses a ranking of 1 to 10 and I will start the ball rolling with two favourites. (Yes, I know there's no such word as ludicrosity.)

(Index value followed by measure, a BRIEF explanation and no more than one expression of exasperation.)

9. Applying the 1 in 40 rule to the flight deck jumpseat. The goofiest thing I've seen in 30 years of flying! Jeeez!
9. You can land/take-off but you can't taxi. You know the one. You can land at 1200 RVR but you need more than that to taxi. Jeeeeez!

10. CATSA taking away an AME's Swiss Army Knife at an airport north of 60

9. 'Cockpit Security Doors' on airplanes operating in the bush.

7. Eight Passenger O2 bottles on airplanes operating below 16,000', carrying 40 or fewer passengers over terain that is 2' above sea level.

7. Carrying life jackets on airplanes flying over frozen wasteland.

You can't get that job without more experience, and you can't get more experience without that job.

9.It is illegal in Alaska to takeoff without a firearm on board - When you cross the border into the Yukon or Northern B.C., same said firearm is likely illegal. (Unless it's registered of course, and you have your P.A.L.)

10. Oh - and your ammunition is now Dangerous Goods.

HS-748 2A wrote:9. 'Cockpit Security Doors' on airplanes operating in the bush.
.

You're joking right? I've had cases where I was glad that door was there and I was up around 70N. Yep, no one is suicidal or nuts up here, so might as well go back to the ol' curtain.

mulligan wrote:9. Applying the 1 in 40 rule to the flight deck jumpseat. The goofiest thing I've seen in 30 years of flying! Jeeez!

Changes in Latitudes wrote:

HS-748 2A wrote:9. 'Cockpit Security Doors' on airplanes operating in the bush.
.

You're joking right? I've had cases where I was glad that door was there and I was up around 70N. Yep, no one is suicidal or nuts up here, so might as well go back to the ol' curtain.

No, I'm not joking. Even on an airplane only hauling freight, if it has a cockpit security door installed and the electrical component of said door is U/S, it only has a 30 flight hour or 5 day MEL, which ever comes first.

Secondly, on the same note - how much luck do you think you'll have opening that door after a wreck of some sort, the door frame twisted, the load slid forward and slammed up against it + the airplane on fire?

I'll take my chances dispatching a would-be-sucidal nut / terrorist with my bowie knife, or let him jump out, which ever comes first.

Donald wrote:

mulligan wrote:9. Applying the 1 in 40 rule to the flight deck jumpseat. The goofiest thing I've seen in 30 years of flying! Jeeez!

The way the regulations are currently written, a flight attendant is required for each unit of 40 passengers on board the aircraft. When there are passengers carried on the flight deck IAW 705.27(3)(c), (d) or (e), they are counted for determining flight attendant requirements. However, once on the flight deck, the PIC is responsible for the safety and briefing of the passenger, not the flight attendant(s). Although the rules have been that way for a long time, even in the ANO and air reg days, that's why it made the list.

LI 9 Approach Ban - a couple of guys screw the pooch and now 1200RVR is unsafe for all of us. Tell that to all the maritime aviators out there.

LI 10 CATSA - I fly a 55 million dollar airplane but can't be trusted with a water bottle. Inconsistent rules and standards across the entire system.

LI 10 Jumpseat rules - I can take an employee I've never met in the jumpseat but my wife and kids are obviously a threat.

LI 7 CFRI and RSC reports hour old and meaningless.

LI 10 AIFs and airport user fees out of hand - and no oversight.

LI 9 Training to the "Lowest Common Denominator"

L.I. 9 Packing around hard copies of the following publications in our aircraft; we never look at them and if we did want to see them, they're burried under hundreds of pounds of freight and baggage:

- AFM
- WT & Bal.
- SOP
- MEL
- Dangerous Goods Manual
- Ground Deice Manual

9. As an AME having free and clear access to all the aircraft on the ramp all night long, including US registered, but in the morning after the crew has arrived I somehow must pass a security guard to get on board to handle any snags, including being wanded and patted down. (Just for fun I always bring way more tools than I need or I refuse to go on board (the captain can come out and see me).

Note, as an AME doing third party maintenance for US carriers.

LI 9 Approach Ban - a couple of guys screw the pooch and now 1200RVR is unsafe for all of us. Tell that to all the maritime aviators out there.

Dear to my heart, this one.

In 1978 I could fly to 1200 RVR on a Cat1 ILS with no autopilot and two sticks in a guage for loc and G/S. I now fly a zillion dollar airplane with the latest in instruments and my minimum RVR for a Cat 1 is.....1600RVR! Any more incidents and I guess it'll be VFR only. As the instigator of this thread I may institute an 11th level for this one.
Hmmm...I feel oldfartism creeping up on me.....

L.I. 11

French safety briefing / anouncements on an ATR-42 full of Inook going from YFB to a funeral in Pang'.

Air Traffic Controllers not allowed in the jumpseat. Even though they have a higher security clearance than the pilots flying the plane, not to mention the trust put in them at their job.

invertedattitude wrote:Air Traffic Controllers not allowed in the jumpseat. Even though they have a higher security clearance than the pilots flying the plane, not to mention the trust put in them at their job.

+ 1 Inverted but you've got to give that an L.I. #, like say 13

I have held a red pass since they were invented, and now a RAIC since they were invented, but I am a security risk as soon as I become a pilot "not operating" a flight; I'm picked out of a line of passengers who have just successfully walked the plank without setting off the alarm for a "random" search, and subsequently searched and wanded for rivets in my jeans, I have to surrender a ornamental knife on my keyring, my flight bag gets searched for [drugs, weapons, dangerous substances], my computer gets the magic wand passed over it, I have to remove my shoes, undo my belt buckle, and NO ONE can answer a direct question about my computer.

I cannot take a tube of ChapStick through the frame, cannot drink water, and my toothpaste gets bagged ONLY IF it's less than 100 ml.

And to top it all off...no 2 airports are the same in their level of "diligence".

Of course, it is impossible to comprehend the Ludicrosity Index without understanding the following:


Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

L.I. 10++ Passenger bill of rights, what do people expect when you pay bus fare and get a plane ride, now you want meals and 500 an hour for delays. Fricken "ludicrous" I tell you

LI 10 - THORGUARD -- Sat in YKF yesterday for an hour under red alert. Tower reported nearest convective activity 25 miles away. I guess lightning can strike out of thin air.

10.L stupid F#$K@^G Security.. mumble, some more as I begin to rip the bloody plane apart, as 20 or so guy wander around the aircraft outside. I have a felling one day we are going to be asked to dissemble the whole damn thing. A stupid waste of time.

The other day I watched a 'security' guard over at the east-beech in YYZ wanding the CARA driver after he got on scene and was doing his work at the airplane. I was doing the walkaround and saw this going on, and I got lost in laughter (which got the CARA guy laughing too... the poor 'security' woman was not sure what was going on). It was one of the most ridiculous things I've ever seen.

Our tax dollars at work folks!!

L.I. 9ish

9 Not allowing my 2/3rd's empty 120ml toothpaste on my carry on because it's over 100ml...but almost empty. WTF over?

raven54 wrote:9 Not allowing my 2/3rd's empty 120ml toothpaste on my carry on because it's over 100ml...but almost empty. WTF over?

C'mon Raven; Rules are rules. I wouldn't want somebody to have to make a judgment call on something like that.

Ordering a paper bag with your Tim Hortons coffee so you can take it through the security bypass.