Getting over the fear, regaining confidence and other things

[alctel]

Hey there,

I haven't posted for a long while but have been thinking about what is best to do.

I always wanted to be a pilot when I was little and carried on wanting to be when I got older. I decided to move to the Canada from the UK at the age of 23, in no small part because I wanted to fly bush planes in the north.

I (like most recent immigrants) had very little money but I worked and saved and managed to start flight training. I was on 60ish hours when I was involved in a plane crash into a marsh with my instructor after the engine stopped. We both walked away unhurt (plane was a write off) but it was pretty traumatic, and effected me more than I thought at the time. I got 30 more hours on the West coast before I had to stop due to lack of money, right before my flight test.

I didn't fly for 18 months, and moved to the other side of the country, to Ontario, where I eventually started flying again, thinking I would pick it up quickly. However I was in a new place, flying a new plane and I couldn't seem to regain the level of proficiency I used to have. More than that, for some reason I became super nervous when I was solo and was constantly checking the gauges. At the slightest reason I would head back to the airport, it's so bad that I haven't had any solo flights over 0.8 since I started flying again. I am fine in the circuit, taking off and landings (which is the most dangerous part anyway) but as soon as I get out of the circuit I start getting extremely nervous.

I also have lost a lot of confidence in my abilities - I am now up to around 130 hours, have been trying for 4 years and am still without a PPL (which I think is some kind of record!) while people who are younger and have been flying for 6 months get have it. This leads to a vicious circle where I doubt myself, get nervous and so don't really enjoy flying, so don't practice effectively, leading to more time wasted and more doubt.

I am sharing this here in the hope that someone else has gone through the same thing and has some suggestions, I am getting on in age a bit (just turned 28) and I think that if I don't get my PPL soon then being a commercial pilot just wasn't meant to be.

Any suggestions greatly received, thanks for your time!

[peakbagger]

Want my advice? Stop being such a chicken shit!! lol

Just kidding, I briefly went through a similar stage after flying commercially and reaching the 700 hour mark. I came within feet of hitting a helicopter and managed to miss it for no other reason than dumb luck. I have found that humour has helped me immensely since then. The expression "laugh in the face of danger" comes to mind. I take my responsibilities very seriously and I know the risks that go along with them, but I laugh and dam near everything to do with my job, and I love it more then ever, even when the heart rate gets going
I sincerely hope you make your way through the training. It is worth it.
And your not that old! I didn't start flying until 28, but that's a whole different thread!!!

[xsbank]

If you do not actually like to fly and derive no pleasure from it then you should pack it in - it is only the burning desire to fly and the willingness to make the necessary sacrifices that will get you through the 'early days' of your career. Sounds to me as if you will continue to pour money into your training and yet you will never derive any pleasure or sense of achievement from it. Give it up.

Abby.

[Highflyinpilot]

[quote="xsbank"]If you do not actually like to fly and derive no pleasure from it then you should pack it in - it is only the burning desire to fly and the willingness to make the necessary sacrifices that will get you through the 'early days' of your career. Sounds to me as if you will continue to pour money into your training and yet you will never derive any pleasure or sense of achievement from it. Give it up.

Abby.[/quote]

Im not too sure about that. I dont actually think its a dislike of flying but obviously something more due to a situation that the OP was in(engine failure)

[Johnny#5]

There's nothing wrong with taking a while to get your PPL....I kept running out of money so mine took years.

I think you'll find that once you complete the PPL and decide flying is what you want, the rest will fall into place and move a lot faster. Remember you don't really learn much until your first flying job anyway...then it all starts to make sense

And don't worry about your age...I was a similar age at your stage, and believe it or not the fact that I was older and a little more mature (fooled them!) actually helped me instead of hurting me in starting my career.

Just relax, have fun and you'll be fine.

[BibleMonkey]

but as soon as I get out of the circuit I start getting extremely nervous

The earth is 4.54 billion years old. According to Puranic Hinduism, the Universe began 158.7 trillion years ago-although the scientific reality is probably un measurable.

Your short lifespan is relatively less than a paper match flicker in an entire dark arctic winter; there was an eternity of darkness before you existed, and will be after you're gone. Your existence is a brief crack of light between two eternities of darkness.

If you die in an airplane crash, so what? Your house fly presence will be abbreviated by a few moments.
If you go out that way, at least your relatives will have something to talk about.

Do a good walk around, fly only in good weather, realize that you're safer than you think you are, and go have some fun.

You're going to croak eventually anyway, you know.

Pay the girl with the large breasts on the way out-and we'll see you next week at 3.

(:

[BibleMonkey]

What? ........ That's not sexist.

The one with the small breasts does all the typing.

[kingeddie]

It is a documented phenomena , I had it when I first started at around 1500 hours for no reason I could put my finger on for a few months , I was scared of my own shadow and I know many pilots who have had it for different periods of time , One friend of mine has 25000 (three zeros) and he went throught at 15000 hrs for a while . Canadore college used to talk about it in thier groundschool . If you like your flying keep going it will likely pass

[RenegadeAV8R]

I was on 60ish hours when I was involved in a plane crash into a marsh with my instructor after the engine stopped. We both walked away unhurt (plane was a write off) but it was pretty traumatic, and effected me more than I thought at the time.

I am fine in the circuit, taking off and landings (which is the most dangerous part anyway) but as soon as I get out of the circuit I start getting extremely nervous.

I also have lost a lot of confidence in my abilities - I am now up to around 130 hours, have been trying for 4 years and am still without a PPL (which I think is some kind of record!)

Having 130 hours after 4 years and still without a PPL is *not* a record; don't worry about that one.

Maybe what you need is to find an instructor who will be able to help you recover your self-confidence.

[Meecka]

I know this ABSOLUTELY WON'T make anyone feel any better, but... Us AME's go thru it too. I've recently had to deal with an aircraft going down (last summer) and find I am still dealing with it. I find myself almost overly cautious (anal) when it comes time to sign the a/c out. It is passing. As the saying goes... with time all wounds will heal. If you are serious about the aviation career, keep at it. With preserverance, and determination, you will latch back onto that passion you have for the fenominal view of the earth below... and that beutifull wide open sky that beckons you.

[mcrit]

I went through a similar stage. I just kept getting in the a/c and doing the flight. One day I was out doing my thing when it dawned on me that I wasn't nervous anymore. The fact that you keep going back at it even though it scares you is proof positive that you have the gumption to make it.

[Bushav8er]

Hard thing to do but you have to make a conscious effort to shift your focus.

From the little you present, the engine failure was not your fault. You KNOW how to handle the aircraft safely for successful circuits. You KNOW what to do in an emergency, from training. You survived an accident - you are ahead of those of us that haven't yet experienced that, the odds are now in your favour. So -

Why did you want to learn to fly?

How far have you travelled, literally and figuratively, to achieve that goal?

Again, you have to shift your focus. Next time you are flying, even in the circuit, make a conscious effort to look outside. See the sun lighting the ground into full colour. Look at the sky. Focus on all the reasons you want to be right where you are - in the air, in control and free. Trust that if something happens your training will kick in for you to do the right thing. I suspect that if that should happen you'd handle it more calmly and smoothly then some of us.

Good luck and stop beating yourself up.

[Blakey]

Determine exactly what your fears are, face them and overcome them. If you're afraid that the engine will quit again, practice your Engine Failure drills until you can do them blindfolded in your sleep. Practice engine failures after take-off until you are absolutely confident that you could handle this no matter what altitude it happens at.

When instructing basic flying in the Air Force, if I had a student with "bathtub syndrome", where they had trouble doing steep turns because they had an inate fear that they would fall out of the airplane if they tipped it over too far, (You can spot this easily because they lean way over out of the turn.) I would brief and demo some very simple aerobatics until they were confident that they could turn the airplane upside down without falling out. Once they grasped that, 60 degrees was no sweat!

Abilty and confidence will overcome irrational fear!

[alctel]

Thank you for all the varied advice - above all its a relief to know that other people have gone through this as well, and that i'm not too old (I never really thought I was, but when all the other people in the flight club are 20ish, you start to wonder...)

It's strange, because I KNOW that riding my bicycle everywhere in Ottawa is far more dangerous than putzing around in good weather in a 150, I am just going to keep plugging away at it and hopefully it will get better. And it's nice to know that while 130 hours/4 years is quite the long time, its nowhere near the worst.

Thanks to everyone for taking the time to reply!

[xiz]

Firstly, you're not old. I'm in my early 40s and just started getting back into it again since highschool. I got my PPL when I was 17 and really didnt' do anything with it until just recently.

If it's any consolation, I was scared out of my wits the first couple of times going up .. and that was with an instructor beside me. What I'd remembered as being a pretty straightforward activity was suddenly overwhelming. But I plugged away at it .. after nine flights I was up to solo level again, and took a 172 out to Carp a few times for circuits.

Stick with it .. it'll get easier and more fun.

[RVgrin]

Yes of course you know the risks.

Thing is, it is not the conscious, intellectual side of your brain - the part that understands the risks - that is at issue. The problem lies within the unconscious, emotional side of your brain. The part that is feeling the anxiety.

You may be suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from the accident, or perhaps your conscious mind is using the accident to attempt to explain away some other deeper problem that needs to be addressed.

Either way, you may benefit from some counselling. Don't let the macho types on this board tell you to just "man up". Some of the world's toughest cops, soldiers, ambulance attendants, and pilots have benefited from professional help and you could too.

Speak to your family doctor, or PM me and I will help put you in touch with someone who can give you the tools to beat this.

---------
Obligatory humorous bottom line:

If you want to be a professional pilot you should probably have your head examined.

[Living 5500ASL]

RVgrin couldn't have said it any better and speaking from experience I would strongly advise you take his/her advice. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is more common than you'd think too. I've been lucky to never have a huge aviation related scare in my life but I can think of a situation where I suffered from PTSD symptoms and mis-managed the situation causing myself a lot of unnecessary grief.

I was working the front desk of a small hotel several years ago when a man came in and robbed me at gunpoint. The barrel was pressed right against my chest and I thought I was done when he wanted me to get in the safe to which I didn't have a combination too. After the incident I was a bit of a mess, I would literally feel sick to my stomach working night shifts alone again, I'd be short of breath coming into the shift too and on edge for the entire night. I started to hate going into those shifts and almost quit but I had too much pride to admit to myself or others that I had an issue. The problem even extended outside of work, if I saw someone that looked similar to the robber my anxiety went through the roof and I suspected just about every stranger of wanting to rob me or something of the nature. Plus I didn't even realize I was doing it until my girlfriend at the time pointed it out but I was coming up with every excuse to always stay inside and never go out.

I'm not saying the process would have been easy but it sure could have been a lot easier if I opened up and asked for help. I have a very different outlook on anxiety and stress of any sorts now and I talk about it much more openly now instead of trying to "be strong", "hold it in", or "be a big man." It's a fact of life that at times your going to get scared and there is nothing wrong with that. You are absolutely starting in the right direction by coming on here and talking about it but I would suggest doing a Google search on PTSD and seeing if any of the symptoms apply to you, if so you may want to seek professional help. Just remember the more you can talk about it the better, plus also focus on the things you did right. Personally I focused on the fact that during the entire robbery I held it together, stayed very calm and was able to get a good description of the man. I was able to think ahead by purposely taking the entire cash till up on the counter leaving him to have to take the money out himself (in other words leaving some nice finger prints behind for us). When I thought I was done because he was so persistent on getting into the safe I was still clear headed enough to realize there was $15 in my pocket, in my mind I figured if I take money out of my own pocket he will realize that I really don't have the combination to the safe, it worked too because he left right away after that. Best $15 I ever spent in my life, lol.

On a big bright side I look back to that incident a lot and realize I'm stronger because of it, I'm also a lot more confident in the cockpit that if shit ever hits the fan that I will be able to keep my cool and keep thinking clearly. Please try to focus on those positives because it will really help you out of this. But most of all, keep talking about it!! I have no idea what going through a crash is like and in no way am I trying to compare my situation to yours as every situation is different. What I am trying to do is help you realize that stress and anxiety is no picnic and if you feel the way you do then you may want to consider taking RVgrin's advice. I applaud you on taking the steps to speak on here about it, your already ahead of the game. Feel free to PM me if you have any questions or comments at all just keep in mind I'm in no way equipped to diagnose anybody with anything. Most of all best of luck!

[Vx.]

Try going for a flight in a glider.

I also like to continuously pick the best forced landing site for each given phase of flight and then pick a new one once out of gliding distance of the first one.

Remember the Space Shuttle is just a glider.